As it does every year, the time has come to extend birthday wishes to the evangelist who was inspired by the propaganda techniques of the Communist Party of China to begin releasing “gospel” tracts, which have been (ironically) loved and (unironically) hated for more than fifty years. Happy 90th, Jack Chick!
Of course, at the same time, we have to extend our condolences, as that means that Jack has lived in this fallen world for nine decades without being vacuumed up to meet Jesus during the Rapture. After 90 years, it has to be difficult to keep on believing that the Rapture will happen any minute now.
(How about now? Nope. Now? Nope…)
He must be especially dismayed, given the rising popularity of the “entertainment” that is little more than an efficient delivery system for demonic influences. Sorry, Jack – the Illuminati just knows how create propaganda that's more interesting and compelling than your righteous little comics. But don't worry; I'm sure the Rapture will happen any minute, and those of us who haven't said the right magic words will suffer for our enjoyment of things like Harry Potter, role-playing games, and comic book movies.
(And...now! ...now?)
And speaking of demonic entertainment, happy birthday to Ron “Hellboy” Perlman, who turns 63 today. Get to work on convincing Guillermo Del Toro that the world needs more Hellboy movies before you get too old*!
And, finally, happy birthday to some dork named Jon, who, at 42, has hit the geekiest age possible, what with being the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything.
If Jon’s the answer, I don’t think anyone wants to know the question…
*I’m not saying he’s too old; he said it himself while working on Pacific Rim and making a case for more Hellboy.
Showing posts with label birthdays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthdays. Show all posts
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Friday, October 04, 2013
“Coolest F&%!ing Thing Ever.”
I don’t think it comes as a surprise to anyone to hear that the woman I refer to as the (Fomer) Boss Lady ranks pretty high on the (mostly theoretical) list of Jon’s Favorite People.
One of my favorite things about her is that she’s a very enthusiastic fan of my assorted artistic endeavors, particularly when she’s the subject of them.
This complementary narcissism works out very well for both of us.
Today is her birthday, and it’s usually the case that when there’s an occasion upon which I can present her with a gift at least part of that gift will be a new picture of her.
Some time ago, in a conversation relating to the TV show Archer the two of us essentially wrote a piece of fan fiction featuring a character based on her, with said character being your typical sexy femme fatale (who is also a spy).
Back in August I began thinking about gift ideas for her upcoming birthday, and my mind kept going back to that conversation and a gift idea occurred to me: a comic book featuring that character.
It seemed like the perfect idea, except for one thing: I would have to actually write and draw the thing.
The writing part wasn’t the challenge, as I pretty quickly came up with a basic plotline.
No, the problem was with the drawing of it.
Over the years I’ve made various attempts at producing a comic book, whether for print or for the Web, and every attempt met with failure. And not just, “Oh, that doesn’t look as good as I would like,” levels of failure, but complete and utter abject failure. As my friend Jamie – whose birthday is also today – can attest*, I’ve had no luck in even completing a single page of finished art. And that’s not even taking into account the actual quality of the art. Hell, I haven’t even managed to complete a single page of bad art, or even just stick figure-style thumbnails, let alone an entire story’s worth of art that even comes close to approaching what I would consider acceptable quality.
I’m not giving in to false modesty here; I will go on record as saying that for certain things, I am often a very good artist. However, my skill at portraiture, or drawing what I see, at least when it comes to people, doesn’t really extend to things like backgrounds, or groups of people, or, really anything that would be necessary for producing anything beyond the cover of a comic book.
So I was inclined to set the idea aside. There was no way I could do it.
Except…well, she would love it, I knew. it would honestly make her day, and I knew that I would like that very much (cf. ranking high on the list of Jon’s Favorite People).
Beyond that, there would be the whole sense of…what’s that thing that’s the opposite of shame? Oh yeah, pride. The sense of pride in accomplishing something that I had heretofore proven incapable of accomplishing.
So I went back and forth on the idea, deciding that I just didn’t have enough time to do it – especially with all of the time wasted trying to decide whether or not I should even bother trying – before finally deciding that I would give it a shot.
I started out by writing the script, having downloaded software that was designed specifically for things like writing comic book scripts, and was immediately stymied by my previously-mentioned keyboard issues.
So I decided to set that aside for a bit and move on to the art, producing a cover that was some of my best work ever, and making an attempt, in Photoshop, to start sketching out the interiors.
That didn’t go so well, and Illustrator was no better. Ultimately, I bought a copy of Manga Studio 5, a program designed specifically for drawing, inking, coloring, and lettering comic books digitally, and I began to make actual progress.
To make a long story less long, after working pretty tirelessly on it, I finished it. I’m no Jack Kriby – hell, I’m no Jack Chick – but in the end it was amazing and unprecedented that I finished it at all, so it turned out better than I could have ever hoped.
I’ll write a follow-up post getting into the details of producing it, including the things I learned, the (many, many, MANY) mistakes I made, and what it potentially means for the future (if anything), but for now, we’ll get to the point.
In the end, I had a printed, bound, and trimmed comic book, with time to spare to get it sent to her for her birthday.
She received it yesterday and opened it today. She had this to say via text: “OMG. I have my own comic book. Coolest fucking thing ever.”
To which I say, all the work, self-doubt, and frustration was totally fucking worth it.
I’m not going to post it here for the world to see – after all, I didn’t make it for you – but I will give you a look at two of my favorite parts of it.
The first is a “Bonus Flashback Cover,” included on the inside back cover in much the same way that an actual comic might include a bonus pin-up image, or a galley of variant covers.
I went for an old-school, retro look – as opposed to the very modern front cover – and while I couldn’t find a way to incorporate a gorilla, I did at least feature a character crying and the color purple**:
And to ensure that she always remembers who gave her this amazing present, because, you never know, she might forget, I included this full-page “ad” on the back cover:
*Years ago she asked me to put together a single comic book page featuring a character of her creation. I got to work on it pretty quickly, then hit a snag in the form of having to draw panels that include, you know, backgrounds, and more than one person, so… It’s always been my intention to finish it, but other, easier things have kept me distracted. With Manga Studio, and my newfound confidence, the odds of me actually finishing it for her, finally, have improved.
**During the Silver Age of comics, which is the era into which this bonus cover would fit, there was a common belief that covers that featured either a gorilla, a character crying, and/or the color purple would sell better than they would if their covers did not have those elements.
One of my favorite things about her is that she’s a very enthusiastic fan of my assorted artistic endeavors, particularly when she’s the subject of them.
This complementary narcissism works out very well for both of us.
Today is her birthday, and it’s usually the case that when there’s an occasion upon which I can present her with a gift at least part of that gift will be a new picture of her.
Some time ago, in a conversation relating to the TV show Archer the two of us essentially wrote a piece of fan fiction featuring a character based on her, with said character being your typical sexy femme fatale (who is also a spy).
Back in August I began thinking about gift ideas for her upcoming birthday, and my mind kept going back to that conversation and a gift idea occurred to me: a comic book featuring that character.
It seemed like the perfect idea, except for one thing: I would have to actually write and draw the thing.
The writing part wasn’t the challenge, as I pretty quickly came up with a basic plotline.
No, the problem was with the drawing of it.
Over the years I’ve made various attempts at producing a comic book, whether for print or for the Web, and every attempt met with failure. And not just, “Oh, that doesn’t look as good as I would like,” levels of failure, but complete and utter abject failure. As my friend Jamie – whose birthday is also today – can attest*, I’ve had no luck in even completing a single page of finished art. And that’s not even taking into account the actual quality of the art. Hell, I haven’t even managed to complete a single page of bad art, or even just stick figure-style thumbnails, let alone an entire story’s worth of art that even comes close to approaching what I would consider acceptable quality.
I’m not giving in to false modesty here; I will go on record as saying that for certain things, I am often a very good artist. However, my skill at portraiture, or drawing what I see, at least when it comes to people, doesn’t really extend to things like backgrounds, or groups of people, or, really anything that would be necessary for producing anything beyond the cover of a comic book.
So I was inclined to set the idea aside. There was no way I could do it.
Except…well, she would love it, I knew. it would honestly make her day, and I knew that I would like that very much (cf. ranking high on the list of Jon’s Favorite People).
Beyond that, there would be the whole sense of…what’s that thing that’s the opposite of shame? Oh yeah, pride. The sense of pride in accomplishing something that I had heretofore proven incapable of accomplishing.
So I went back and forth on the idea, deciding that I just didn’t have enough time to do it – especially with all of the time wasted trying to decide whether or not I should even bother trying – before finally deciding that I would give it a shot.
I started out by writing the script, having downloaded software that was designed specifically for things like writing comic book scripts, and was immediately stymied by my previously-mentioned keyboard issues.
So I decided to set that aside for a bit and move on to the art, producing a cover that was some of my best work ever, and making an attempt, in Photoshop, to start sketching out the interiors.
That didn’t go so well, and Illustrator was no better. Ultimately, I bought a copy of Manga Studio 5, a program designed specifically for drawing, inking, coloring, and lettering comic books digitally, and I began to make actual progress.
To make a long story less long, after working pretty tirelessly on it, I finished it. I’m no Jack Kriby – hell, I’m no Jack Chick – but in the end it was amazing and unprecedented that I finished it at all, so it turned out better than I could have ever hoped.
I’ll write a follow-up post getting into the details of producing it, including the things I learned, the (many, many, MANY) mistakes I made, and what it potentially means for the future (if anything), but for now, we’ll get to the point.
In the end, I had a printed, bound, and trimmed comic book, with time to spare to get it sent to her for her birthday.
She received it yesterday and opened it today. She had this to say via text: “OMG. I have my own comic book. Coolest fucking thing ever.”
To which I say, all the work, self-doubt, and frustration was totally fucking worth it.
I’m not going to post it here for the world to see – after all, I didn’t make it for you – but I will give you a look at two of my favorite parts of it.
The first is a “Bonus Flashback Cover,” included on the inside back cover in much the same way that an actual comic might include a bonus pin-up image, or a galley of variant covers.
I went for an old-school, retro look – as opposed to the very modern front cover – and while I couldn’t find a way to incorporate a gorilla, I did at least feature a character crying and the color purple**:
 |
| *Choke!* |
And to ensure that she always remembers who gave her this amazing present, because, you never know, she might forget, I included this full-page “ad” on the back cover:
 |
| Also: The sky is blue. |
*Years ago she asked me to put together a single comic book page featuring a character of her creation. I got to work on it pretty quickly, then hit a snag in the form of having to draw panels that include, you know, backgrounds, and more than one person, so… It’s always been my intention to finish it, but other, easier things have kept me distracted. With Manga Studio, and my newfound confidence, the odds of me actually finishing it for her, finally, have improved.
**During the Silver Age of comics, which is the era into which this bonus cover would fit, there was a common belief that covers that featured either a gorilla, a character crying, and/or the color purple would sell better than they would if their covers did not have those elements.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
It's That Time Again
As is the tradition here at Threshold, we extend birthday wishes to its fellow Virgo, the lovely and talented Carla Gugino, with whom Threshold itself shares a birthday.
Please join us in hoping that Ms. Gugino has a happy and prosperous year!
Please join us in hoping that Ms. Gugino has a happy and prosperous year!
 |
| A simple, retro Carla, drawn in Manga Studio 5*. I assume the original reference image was a publicity still for Watchmen. |
Threshold, meanwhile, will continue its march toward a full decade of near-total irrelevance! Happy birthday to the little blog that couldn't!
*I bought Manga Studio 5 recently. I like it a lot so far - it feels much more natural for more straightforward sketching/inking - with better results - than Photoshop. Unfortunately, taking a more natural, straightforward approach to drawing is really bringing my weaknesses and lack of skills to the forefront. Ah well.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Twofer
Here are two drawings for the price* of one:
First up is a picture of Blok and the White Witch from the Legion of Super-Heroes. One of the things I’ve always liked about LoSH has been the unlikely romances between Legionnaires, such as the one seen above between a very fragile carbon-based woman and an incredibly dense and nigh-indestructible silicon-based…well, not a man, exactly, but he is the male of his species.
In a similar vein LoSH had the unlikely pairing of Dawnstar with Wildfire, the latter of which is a bundle of sentient “anti-energy” who inhabits a vaguely human-shaped containment suit.
I guess that unlikely romances appeal to me, given that any romance, whether with someone composed of carbon, silicon, or anti-energy, seems increasingly unlikely for me...
In any case, I’m not entirely pleased with how the picture turned out – the Witch’s face is just…odd – but it’s not as though putting any more work into it would have really improved it, so there it is.
I’ve had the idea for the image in mind for a while, but I was finally prompted to draw it by a post on Legion World, a LoSH fan page on Facebook.
One of the things that makes me indescribably happy is that Legion World actually has an album dedicated to my artwork. As difficult as it is to believe, I have fans!
The album primarily consists of my Ladies of the Legion series, but on Friday the image from this post showed up on Legion World’s timeline with the caption “Legion World needs more Jon Maki!”
How could I do anything but oblige?
I do think, though, that "needs more Jon Maki" is a phrase that someone would use to activate or deactivate a doomsday device, given that it's the sort of thing you wouldn't expect anyone to say in a million years.
Then there’s this picture of Scarlett Johansson, which I did as kind of an experiment.
Overall, I’m pleased with it, but as is always the case, it didn’t quite turn out the way I saw it in my head. Oh well.
(I won’t bore you with the details of what makes it an “experiment.” Content yourself with knowing that in drawing it I deviated from my usual technique.)
Bonus Birthday Department:
Today is my brother Brad’s birthday. He’s 50. That…that just kind of blows my mind. I remember when my dad turned 50.
Speaking of my dad, April 3rd would have been his 78th birthday.
On April 1st, my sister Kim turned 46.
And, of course, my 41st birthday was this past Saturday.
…
It wasn’t a terribly exciting day. I spent most of it working on the Legion picture, then went out for a nice dinner with Scott, Stacy, the twins – who were so well-behaved in the restaurant that some other patron felt compelled to compliment Stacy on it before leaving – and Jamie and Casey.
Then I came home and went for a walk to work off some of the food I ate. In particular, this:
Then I sat around for a while, and did some more work on the picture.
Exciting stuff.
While we were waiting for the others to arrive, Jamie mentioned that’s she a bit behind on reading this blog. I told her she wasn’t missing much, and then she, somewhat sheepishly, said that she and Scott had been discussing my blog and how most likely the two of them and my mom are probably the only people who actually read it.
I said that’s not true. After all, my mom very rarely reads it these days…
As for the birthday gifts, I got a set of wrist weights from Jamie and Casey, and a card telling me that I was, in the short term, getting a whole lotta nothing from Scott and Stacy, as my gift had not yet been delivered. At least that’s the story they went with…
While I was sitting around late that evening, I got a text from the (former) boss lady, who was finally getting around to responding to a text I sent her on Thursday, as she’s been extremely busy with the new gig.
So busy, I noted, that she seemed to have forgotten my birthday. As she wasn’t making any references to it in her messages, I said, “My birthday today, btw.”
She responded, “I have it on my calendar. Your card is sitting on my kitchen table and I am an asshole.”
I told her that I wasn’t going to disagree with her assessment.
I did actually take some time off from work in honor – or something – of my birthday, including today, but now my time is nearly up and I can guarantee that the next four days are not going to go by as rapidly as the past five did. *Sigh*
*Yes, seeing my drawings is free, but even that price is probably too high.
 |
| They have a "rocky" relationship! ...I'll show myself out. |
First up is a picture of Blok and the White Witch from the Legion of Super-Heroes. One of the things I’ve always liked about LoSH has been the unlikely romances between Legionnaires, such as the one seen above between a very fragile carbon-based woman and an incredibly dense and nigh-indestructible silicon-based…well, not a man, exactly, but he is the male of his species.
In a similar vein LoSH had the unlikely pairing of Dawnstar with Wildfire, the latter of which is a bundle of sentient “anti-energy” who inhabits a vaguely human-shaped containment suit.
I guess that unlikely romances appeal to me, given that any romance, whether with someone composed of carbon, silicon, or anti-energy, seems increasingly unlikely for me...
In any case, I’m not entirely pleased with how the picture turned out – the Witch’s face is just…odd – but it’s not as though putting any more work into it would have really improved it, so there it is.
I’ve had the idea for the image in mind for a while, but I was finally prompted to draw it by a post on Legion World, a LoSH fan page on Facebook.
One of the things that makes me indescribably happy is that Legion World actually has an album dedicated to my artwork. As difficult as it is to believe, I have fans!
The album primarily consists of my Ladies of the Legion series, but on Friday the image from this post showed up on Legion World’s timeline with the caption “Legion World needs more Jon Maki!”
How could I do anything but oblige?
I do think, though, that "needs more Jon Maki" is a phrase that someone would use to activate or deactivate a doomsday device, given that it's the sort of thing you wouldn't expect anyone to say in a million years.
 |
| Yep, it's a picture, all right. |
Then there’s this picture of Scarlett Johansson, which I did as kind of an experiment.
Overall, I’m pleased with it, but as is always the case, it didn’t quite turn out the way I saw it in my head. Oh well.
(I won’t bore you with the details of what makes it an “experiment.” Content yourself with knowing that in drawing it I deviated from my usual technique.)
Bonus Birthday Department:
Today is my brother Brad’s birthday. He’s 50. That…that just kind of blows my mind. I remember when my dad turned 50.
Speaking of my dad, April 3rd would have been his 78th birthday.
On April 1st, my sister Kim turned 46.
And, of course, my 41st birthday was this past Saturday.
…
It wasn’t a terribly exciting day. I spent most of it working on the Legion picture, then went out for a nice dinner with Scott, Stacy, the twins – who were so well-behaved in the restaurant that some other patron felt compelled to compliment Stacy on it before leaving – and Jamie and Casey.
Then I came home and went for a walk to work off some of the food I ate. In particular, this:
 |
| I probably didn't actually walk long or far enough. |
Then I sat around for a while, and did some more work on the picture.
Exciting stuff.
While we were waiting for the others to arrive, Jamie mentioned that’s she a bit behind on reading this blog. I told her she wasn’t missing much, and then she, somewhat sheepishly, said that she and Scott had been discussing my blog and how most likely the two of them and my mom are probably the only people who actually read it.
I said that’s not true. After all, my mom very rarely reads it these days…
As for the birthday gifts, I got a set of wrist weights from Jamie and Casey, and a card telling me that I was, in the short term, getting a whole lotta nothing from Scott and Stacy, as my gift had not yet been delivered. At least that’s the story they went with…
While I was sitting around late that evening, I got a text from the (former) boss lady, who was finally getting around to responding to a text I sent her on Thursday, as she’s been extremely busy with the new gig.
So busy, I noted, that she seemed to have forgotten my birthday. As she wasn’t making any references to it in her messages, I said, “My birthday today, btw.”
She responded, “I have it on my calendar. Your card is sitting on my kitchen table and I am an asshole.”
I told her that I wasn’t going to disagree with her assessment.
I did actually take some time off from work in honor – or something – of my birthday, including today, but now my time is nearly up and I can guarantee that the next four days are not going to go by as rapidly as the past five did. *Sigh*
*Yes, seeing my drawings is free, but even that price is probably too high.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Heaven, Hell, And Birthdays
As has been tradition for years, Threshold encourages everyone to extend birthday wishes to Jack T. Chick, the world’s preeminent purveyor of cartoon Christianity.
While I can’t exactly say that I feel sorry for him, I’m sure it must be disappointing to add another candle to the cake and have to face the fact that, once again, he hasn’t gotten what he really wants, which is to see the rest of us get what we deserve.
Better luck next year, Jack – I’m sure 89 years feels like a long time to have to wait for a Rapture that must seem increasingly less imminent all the time, but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to millennia, so just hang in there, and as you sit in front of your cake preparing to make your wish – and we all know what that wish will be – take a moment to consider all of those flickering flames and think about how someday all of us sinners will be trapped in the Lake of Fire for all eternity, wishing that we could blow out the flames as easily as you blow out those candles.
Still, I know how rough birthdays can be, especially when you don’t get the one thing you want most…
So, out of a sense of camaraderie on this day that we share in common, I will commiserate with you enough to not let out a hearty “Haw! Haw! Haw!” at your expense.
*Sigh* Happy Birthday, Jack.
Threshold also sends out birthday greetings to Ron Perlman, who played a comic book demon who was a better Christian than any character in Jack’s tracts.
Friday, April 05, 2013
To Be Fair, That Wouldn't Make It Different From Most Saturdays
Scott: Your birthday is on a weekend this year?
Me: Yeah, a Saturday.
Scott: Want to do something?
Me: I don't know. Like what?
Scott: I don't know. It's your birthday.
Me: I was planning on just doing the usual: crying and masturbating.
Scott: Well...maybe in between your bouts of that we could do something.
Me: Ehh...
Scott: ...unless you're planning it as an all-day event?
Me: I just might be.
Me: Yeah, a Saturday.
Scott: Want to do something?
Me: I don't know. Like what?
Scott: I don't know. It's your birthday.
Me: I was planning on just doing the usual: crying and masturbating.
Scott: Well...maybe in between your bouts of that we could do something.
Me: Ehh...
Scott: ...unless you're planning it as an all-day event?
Me: I just might be.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Worlds Collide
I’m reasonably certain that Stacy has been waiting for me to turn 40 pretty much since she first met me.
Given that I was 30 when we first met, that means she’s been waiting for a while.
As the day approached, I was certain that there would be some sort of surprise in store for me.
When she first started asking me where I wanted her and Scott to take me for my birthday, I had no particular place in mind. I don’t really have a “favorite” restaurant or anything, so I pretty much left it up to them to decide.
I had at one point suggested to Scott that, since I need to go there to get a desk one of these days, but don’t want to make the drive, we should forego dinner and they could just take me to Ikea for my birthday. Scott’s response was, “You’re turning 40; Stacy isn’t going to let you off that easy.”
When I got the text from Stacy telling me that they were taking me to Maggiano’s – a restaurant that specializes in multi-course “family style” dining – I knew that there were going to be more people involved, it was just a question of which ones.
The majority of my friends are mutual friends, but most of my friends from work are an exception to that (for the most part), and my two social worlds haven’t ever really collided.
Still, I assumed that the power of Facebook could bridge that gap.
I compiled a list of likely suspects – Jamie and Casey were obvious suspects, of course – but I also assumed that my friend Dan would be an invitee. That suspicion was actually confirmed not by him saying anything, but rather by him not saying anything, as he was conspicuously absent among the many well-wishers on my Facebook Timeline. (He even went so far as to not respond to a text I sent him before leaving work on Thursday.)
Not knowing what Friday evening traffic would be like, and knowing that I always get lost when going somewhere that I haven’t been very many times, I left home early and, surprisingly, actually arrived fairly early.
Maggiano’s is located in the Tyson Galleria, which is to say a mall for people with more money than sense. Once I arrived, I realized that the few times I’ve been there I’ve only ever been there to eat at Maggiano’s, and had never actually checked it out. As I wandered around, I realized that there’s a reason for that: the place is nothing but Gucci, and Hugo Boss, and Louis Vuitton. You feel like you’re either going to be charged a fee just for walking around, or you’re going to be told that “your kind” is welcome there.
As it got closer to the appointed hour, I decided to head outside to smoke a last cigarette. Not wanting to spoil the surprise, I opted to go out through the Nieman Marcus rather than out through the door by the restaurant, as I didn’t want to accidentally bump into any of the surprise guests.
However, my efforts at playing along with the surprise were thwarted by the efforts of Dan and his wife Susan to sneak in through the Nieman Marcus, and we ended up crossing paths.
The three of us went outside to smoke, then headed over to the restaurant where the rest of the gang was assembled, and, once someone said, “We’re just waiting for Sheila,” the list of likely suspects was confirmed: Scott and Stacy, Jamie and Casey, Dan and his wife, my boss, and Sheila.
The funny thing is that the universal response that Stacy had received to her plan was, “I don’t think Jon will like that.”
They know me so well.
Or do they? Turns out I liked it very much. I actually had a blast. I was glad to finally get all of these disparate people together for the first time and to finally meet Dan’s wife, everyone hit it off and seemed to have a good time – my boss in particular seemed to be a big hit – the food was delicious (especially the Chicken Piccata), and, most importantly, there were presents.
Well-played, Stacy.
So worlds didn’t so much collide as they meshed together rather nicely, and overall it was a good birthday. I’m still not so thrilled about the “40th” part, though…
Given that I was 30 when we first met, that means she’s been waiting for a while.
As the day approached, I was certain that there would be some sort of surprise in store for me.
When she first started asking me where I wanted her and Scott to take me for my birthday, I had no particular place in mind. I don’t really have a “favorite” restaurant or anything, so I pretty much left it up to them to decide.
I had at one point suggested to Scott that, since I need to go there to get a desk one of these days, but don’t want to make the drive, we should forego dinner and they could just take me to Ikea for my birthday. Scott’s response was, “You’re turning 40; Stacy isn’t going to let you off that easy.”
When I got the text from Stacy telling me that they were taking me to Maggiano’s – a restaurant that specializes in multi-course “family style” dining – I knew that there were going to be more people involved, it was just a question of which ones.
The majority of my friends are mutual friends, but most of my friends from work are an exception to that (for the most part), and my two social worlds haven’t ever really collided.
Still, I assumed that the power of Facebook could bridge that gap.
I compiled a list of likely suspects – Jamie and Casey were obvious suspects, of course – but I also assumed that my friend Dan would be an invitee. That suspicion was actually confirmed not by him saying anything, but rather by him not saying anything, as he was conspicuously absent among the many well-wishers on my Facebook Timeline. (He even went so far as to not respond to a text I sent him before leaving work on Thursday.)
Not knowing what Friday evening traffic would be like, and knowing that I always get lost when going somewhere that I haven’t been very many times, I left home early and, surprisingly, actually arrived fairly early.
Maggiano’s is located in the Tyson Galleria, which is to say a mall for people with more money than sense. Once I arrived, I realized that the few times I’ve been there I’ve only ever been there to eat at Maggiano’s, and had never actually checked it out. As I wandered around, I realized that there’s a reason for that: the place is nothing but Gucci, and Hugo Boss, and Louis Vuitton. You feel like you’re either going to be charged a fee just for walking around, or you’re going to be told that “your kind” is welcome there.
As it got closer to the appointed hour, I decided to head outside to smoke a last cigarette. Not wanting to spoil the surprise, I opted to go out through the Nieman Marcus rather than out through the door by the restaurant, as I didn’t want to accidentally bump into any of the surprise guests.
However, my efforts at playing along with the surprise were thwarted by the efforts of Dan and his wife Susan to sneak in through the Nieman Marcus, and we ended up crossing paths.
The three of us went outside to smoke, then headed over to the restaurant where the rest of the gang was assembled, and, once someone said, “We’re just waiting for Sheila,” the list of likely suspects was confirmed: Scott and Stacy, Jamie and Casey, Dan and his wife, my boss, and Sheila.
The funny thing is that the universal response that Stacy had received to her plan was, “I don’t think Jon will like that.”
They know me so well.
Or do they? Turns out I liked it very much. I actually had a blast. I was glad to finally get all of these disparate people together for the first time and to finally meet Dan’s wife, everyone hit it off and seemed to have a good time – my boss in particular seemed to be a big hit – the food was delicious (especially the Chicken Piccata), and, most importantly, there were presents.
Well-played, Stacy.
So worlds didn’t so much collide as they meshed together rather nicely, and overall it was a good birthday. I’m still not so thrilled about the “40th” part, though…
 |
| Jamie, the boss (Kelly), and me. |
 |
| One of the gifts from Stacy. |
 |
| Sheila and her beau John (I assume he's the "h" variety). |
 |
| Me, Dan, and Susan. |
 |
| Scott, Stacy, and Casey. |
Friday, April 13, 2012
Rapture-Free Vs. Purpose-Free
"God's Cartoonist" Jack T. Chick has been walking this sinful, wicked earth for 88 Rapture-free years today. Happy birthday, you ancient hatemonger!
Meanwhile, I've been walking this irritating, sticky earth for a comparatively scant 40 purpose-free years.
I'm 40.
40.
...
the very idea is fucking ridiculous.
Meanwhile, I've been walking this irritating, sticky earth for a comparatively scant 40 purpose-free years.
I'm 40.
40.
...
the very idea is fucking ridiculous.
 |
| How I feel when I think about being 40. |
Friday, February 24, 2012
What Could Go Wrong?
Whenever we’re going to be out of the office – whether for vacation or to work from home – we send our boss an Outlook meeting request so that she’ll have it on her Calendar.
I’m working from home on Monday, and again on Friday, so while I was sending out the invites I thought I might as well kill three birds with…well, three stones, I suppose, but whatever, and send out the invite for my planned day off for my birthday.
My birthday is on a Friday the 13th this year, so I wrote up the invite as follows:
Subject: Jon – OOO
Location: Camp Crystal Lake
Message: I’m heading up to Camp Crystal Lake for the weekend with my fellow hormone-addled camp counselors! What could go wrong?
I don’t think she actually noticed…
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
The Question For The Ages...
...or at least, the question for my age: What should I get Jon for his upcoming birthday?
While I would never turn my nose up at large amounts of cash or Bearer bonds, or expertly-trained courtesans, I also wouldn't mind getting this.
Though let's not completely scrap the whole large amounts of cash and/or expertly-trained and, ideally, extremely flexible courtesans...
While I would never turn my nose up at large amounts of cash or Bearer bonds, or expertly-trained courtesans, I also wouldn't mind getting this.
Though let's not completely scrap the whole large amounts of cash and/or expertly-trained and, ideally, extremely flexible courtesans...
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday Night Randomness
Last night, being Thursday, was movie night for Scott and me.
Shortly after he left, I tended to the things I needed to tend to, then got into bed.
After a few minutes my phone rang.
I have a cordless phone for my landline that’s Bluetooth-enabled, which allows it to connect to my cell phone, so I can make and receive cell phone calls via my regular landline phone. I could see that the call was originating from my cell, and with those calls, all that gets passed along to the Caller ID display is the number. I looked to see if it was from Michigan, as my first assumption upon getting a call that late, if it isn’t a wrong number, is that it’s my sister calling to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. (Not that I’m trying to jinx things, but…well, I’ve gotten quite a few calls like that.)
When I saw that it was a Virginia area code, I thought, “Okay, either it’s a wrong number or Scott had some kind of trouble on his way home.”
It was not, unfortunately, a wrong number.
It was Stacy calling to inform me that she believes that Scott and I are cursed, as he got hit by a snow plow on the way home. (He was, at last report, a bit stiff and sore, but not injured. The same, of course, can’t be said for his car…)
****
I spent a fair amount of time at work this week consolidating four separate SharePoint lists into one SharePoint list.
It was exactly as exciting as it sounds.
In any case, the point of it all was to refine the intake process for our team, and while I was at it I thought I’d also refine our impact assessment list, our project tracking list, and our zzzzzzzzz
*Snort* Huh?
Oh.
Anyway, at the risk* of causing everyone – myself included – to doze off again, I also created a risk register to accompany the intake form and etc..
Actually, more than anything else, the risk register is what motivated me to consolidate the four lists into one, as the addition of the risk register would have added yet another separate list for us to fill out, because there was no way to incorporate it into what was already in place. So even though I added a new list, thanks to the consolidation, there was still a net decrease in the total number of lists. So, go me!
(My boss said, “You’re amazing. Next time I’ll let you pick out your own Christmas present.” Given that she gave me a gift certificate, I said, “I pretty much did this time anyway.”)
In any case, in testing out the new list, I created a sample project called “The Call of Cthullu.” The description of the project read, "In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,” and added, “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
In the associated risk register, I listed the primary risk as “Being devoured by Cthullu,” and for the risk response, I put, “There is no response – we’ll all be eaten.”
When I was showing the new list and risk register to my boss and my co-worker – who’s also my cube neighbor – my boss laughed as she read through the sample project and said, “You’re an idiot.” She then turned to my co-worker and said, “Does he just sit here giggling all day?”
****
(Standing around looking like my normal self, which apparently to others looks like..honestly, I don’t know what it looks like, but “normal” for me appears to be dour and/or suicidal or something.)
Co-Worker: Jon? Are you all right?
Me: Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.
Co-Worker: Is everything okay?
Me: Yes, why?
Co-Worker: You aren’t smiling.
Me: Well, things aren’t that okay.
****
Yesterday I woke up on my own five minutes before my alarm could go off. I turned the alarm off to keep it from sounding (or rather, playing music) while I was out of the room.
I forgot to turn it back on, so this morning I overslept. However, when you normally get up at 4 AM, “oversleeping” means still being up well before the sun, and getting to work two hours before everyone else.
But this is Northern Virginia, so it still means having to deal with a lot of traffic.
****
Co-Worker 1: It’s such a 90s way of thinking.
Co-Worker 2: You say that like the 90s were a long time ago.
Me: Uhh…it’s 2012.
****
Fred “Slacktivist” Clark comments on a piece by the public editor of The New York Times which contains this:
****
Boss: Thanks, Jon. You saved my ass on this.
Me: I know.
Boss: “I know.” Jackass.
Me: You’re welcome.
****
And finally, my sister Kristy turned 50 today. So, first of all, happy birthday, of course (and also to her husband Ken, whose birthday is also today), but second of all…well, before that quote about whether or not reporters should investigate “facts” could do it, that realization made my head asplode.
*Get it? Risk? ‘Cause I was talking about a risk register and…shut up.
Shortly after he left, I tended to the things I needed to tend to, then got into bed.
After a few minutes my phone rang.
I have a cordless phone for my landline that’s Bluetooth-enabled, which allows it to connect to my cell phone, so I can make and receive cell phone calls via my regular landline phone. I could see that the call was originating from my cell, and with those calls, all that gets passed along to the Caller ID display is the number. I looked to see if it was from Michigan, as my first assumption upon getting a call that late, if it isn’t a wrong number, is that it’s my sister calling to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. (Not that I’m trying to jinx things, but…well, I’ve gotten quite a few calls like that.)
When I saw that it was a Virginia area code, I thought, “Okay, either it’s a wrong number or Scott had some kind of trouble on his way home.”
It was not, unfortunately, a wrong number.
It was Stacy calling to inform me that she believes that Scott and I are cursed, as he got hit by a snow plow on the way home. (He was, at last report, a bit stiff and sore, but not injured. The same, of course, can’t be said for his car…)
****
I spent a fair amount of time at work this week consolidating four separate SharePoint lists into one SharePoint list.
It was exactly as exciting as it sounds.
In any case, the point of it all was to refine the intake process for our team, and while I was at it I thought I’d also refine our impact assessment list, our project tracking list, and our zzzzzzzzz
*Snort* Huh?
Oh.
Anyway, at the risk* of causing everyone – myself included – to doze off again, I also created a risk register to accompany the intake form and etc..
Actually, more than anything else, the risk register is what motivated me to consolidate the four lists into one, as the addition of the risk register would have added yet another separate list for us to fill out, because there was no way to incorporate it into what was already in place. So even though I added a new list, thanks to the consolidation, there was still a net decrease in the total number of lists. So, go me!
(My boss said, “You’re amazing. Next time I’ll let you pick out your own Christmas present.” Given that she gave me a gift certificate, I said, “I pretty much did this time anyway.”)
In any case, in testing out the new list, I created a sample project called “The Call of Cthullu.” The description of the project read, "In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,” and added, “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
In the associated risk register, I listed the primary risk as “Being devoured by Cthullu,” and for the risk response, I put, “There is no response – we’ll all be eaten.”
When I was showing the new list and risk register to my boss and my co-worker – who’s also my cube neighbor – my boss laughed as she read through the sample project and said, “You’re an idiot.” She then turned to my co-worker and said, “Does he just sit here giggling all day?”
****
(Standing around looking like my normal self, which apparently to others looks like..honestly, I don’t know what it looks like, but “normal” for me appears to be dour and/or suicidal or something.)
Co-Worker: Jon? Are you all right?
Me: Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.
Co-Worker: Is everything okay?
Me: Yes, why?
Co-Worker: You aren’t smiling.
Me: Well, things aren’t that okay.
****
Yesterday I woke up on my own five minutes before my alarm could go off. I turned the alarm off to keep it from sounding (or rather, playing music) while I was out of the room.
I forgot to turn it back on, so this morning I overslept. However, when you normally get up at 4 AM, “oversleeping” means still being up well before the sun, and getting to work two hours before everyone else.
But this is Northern Virginia, so it still means having to deal with a lot of traffic.
****
Co-Worker 1: It’s such a 90s way of thinking.
Co-Worker 2: You say that like the 90s were a long time ago.
Me: Uhh…it’s 2012.
****
Fred “Slacktivist” Clark comments on a piece by the public editor of The New York Times which contains this:
I’m looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should challenge “facts” that are asserted by newsmakers they write about.As I said in the Comments section:
This...this is an example of exactly the sort of illogical statement you would make in a bad sci-fi story to cause a robot's head to explode.
****
Boss: Thanks, Jon. You saved my ass on this.
Me: I know.
Boss: “I know.” Jackass.
Me: You’re welcome.
****
And finally, my sister Kristy turned 50 today. So, first of all, happy birthday, of course (and also to her husband Ken, whose birthday is also today), but second of all…well, before that quote about whether or not reporters should investigate “facts” could do it, that realization made my head asplode.
*Get it? Risk? ‘Cause I was talking about a risk register and…shut up.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Quick Hits
First of all, happy birthday to Scott! You're not getting better, you're getting older!
Wait, is that the way it goes?
Meh.
Second of all, I've created an account on Hub Pages, and have just posted my first "Hub," a review of the new Action Comics #1.
Click here to check it out!
...
WTF? Why aren't you clicking? "Oh, I'm too busy to read Jon's little review! I don't care about comic books!"
Fine, be that way.
See if I care.
Jerks. *sniff* Mean old doody-heads.
Wait, is that the way it goes?
Meh.
Second of all, I've created an account on Hub Pages, and have just posted my first "Hub," a review of the new Action Comics #1.
Click here to check it out!
...
WTF? Why aren't you clicking? "Oh, I'm too busy to read Jon's little review! I don't care about comic books!"
Fine, be that way.
See if I care.
Jerks. *sniff* Mean old doody-heads.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
You Say It's Jack's Birthday, It's Hellboy's Brithday Too Yeah...
As always at this time of year, Threshold wishes a very happy birthday to everyone's favorite creator of hateful, Christian fundamentalist sequential art-based propaganda, the one and only Jack T. Chick!
Jack is 87 today, and I'm sure we can all agree that's a long time to have to wait for The Rapture.
Sadly, for him, I think that another birthday is going to have to pass without him getting what he really wants...
Today is also the birthday of actor Ron Perlman, who is known for many roles, but, more significantly, given who he shares his birthday with, has filled the role of Hellboy.
Heaven and Hell? My birthday has got it covered.
Jack is 87 today, and I'm sure we can all agree that's a long time to have to wait for The Rapture.
Sadly, for him, I think that another birthday is going to have to pass without him getting what he really wants...
Today is also the birthday of actor Ron Perlman, who is known for many roles, but, more significantly, given who he shares his birthday with, has filled the role of Hellboy.
Heaven and Hell? My birthday has got it covered.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I’m, Like, Large? I Contain, Like, Multitudes And Stuff.
So tomorrow is my birthday. (39, before you ask.)
I don’t really care about my birthday. For the most part, it’s just another day, albeit one that, when it falls on a weekday, gives me an excuse to take a day off – or, as with this year, two days off – from work.
But honestly, what is there to care about? I am, as the ever-increasing number that corresponds with each birthday can attest, no longer a child. I’m not likely to get anything really cool in the way of presents, or at least, nothing that’s going to excite me in quite the same way as the presents I received as a child did. That’s not intended as any sort of slight against whatever presents I do receive, or the people who give them to me, it’s just the reality, for me, of getting older.
Beyond the simple loss of childish enthusiasm that inevitably happens as one progresses further and further away from childhood, my birthday tends not to mean much to me because I refuse to allow it to mean much to me.
Birthdays can, especially as you approach significant milestones, be a time of self-reflection, of taking stock and seeing what you’ve accomplished, what you’ve yet to accomplish.
Fuck. That. Shit.
Or really, more to the point, what the hell else do you think I spend my time doing the other 364 days of the year? Who needs to set aside a day to something you do all of the time anyway?
Especially when you consider how depressing the results of taking stock can be…
And that’s the other ting; I’ve had a history of becoming rather maudlin and depressed, sometimes for weeks on end, during the period preceding and following my birthday, and, as I said before, Fuck. That. Shit.
It’s exhausting. I’m tired of being depressed just because I’ve managed to stick around for another year.
So, as much as I can, I try to strip the date of its significance.
And yet, despite the fact that my birthday means so little to me, and is just another day (to whatever extent it can be – I’m human, after all, so significant dates can’t help but hold at least some amount of, well, significance), I’ve noticed that I feel the need to draw attention to the date in conversation with other people.
As my birthday approaches, I’m quick to point out that my birthday is approaching.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)-Walt Whitman, “Song of Myself”
“Tomorrow is my birthday,” I will say, unprompted.
Being incapable of totally avoiding the whole self-reflection and taking stock thing, I can’t help but wonder why that is. Am I an attention whore? Am I eager to hear people say, “Oh, well, happy birthday!” or to try to fish for compliments? (“39? You look so young!”)
I don’t think that’s it. I suspect that it has more to do with just owning the day, and feeling that it beats the alternative of saying nothing and then, after the fact, bemoaning the fact that no one knew or remembered that it was my birthday. That is, while it doesn’t mean that much to me, and I wouldn’t be terribly hurt if people didn’t know about or acknowledge my birthday (though, again, human, so it would sting a little), it’s not something I can completely ignore, so if it has to happen, it should happen on my terms.
Or something. What the hell do I know? For as much time as I spend in self-reflection and taking stock, I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten any good at it….
Anyway, speaking of birthdays, today is (utterly awesome) artist Amanda Conner's birthday. Check out this sweet birthday tribute at Comics Alliance.
Friday, April 01, 2011
It Won't Change The Content...
...but it will change the way you view* the content of Threshold if you go here.
If you hover over the blue button that says "Flipcard," you'll be presented with even more options.
Also, while I'm here, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to my favorite April Fool, my sister Kim.
*Or, as is more statistically likely, you don't view the content of Threshold.
If you hover over the blue button that says "Flipcard," you'll be presented with even more options.
Also, while I'm here, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to my favorite April Fool, my sister Kim.
*Or, as is more statistically likely, you don't view the content of Threshold.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Birthday Wishes
The Threshold faithful* should all join me in wishing my mom a happy birthday!
*I know there's no such thing, but a man can dream, can't he? No, he can't? Oh.
*I know there's no such thing, but a man can dream, can't he? No, he can't? Oh.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Crappy...I Mean Happy Birthday, Universe!
The Universe is 6,014 years old today. Did you remember to buy it a present?
...
Okay, some context.
Back in the 17th Century, relying primarily on the Bible's listings of genealogy, in addition to some extra-biblical sources, Bishop James Ussher reckoned that the Universe was created, on this date, in 4004 BC.
You know what would be an awesome birthday present? For people to stop believing that this bullshit is true and that it can serve as a reasonable basis for, well, anything.
It is, after all, no longer the 17th Century, and we have a little more information to work from than a listing of who begat who in a book written in in the freakin' Bronze Age.
Just a thought.
...
Okay, some context.
Back in the 17th Century, relying primarily on the Bible's listings of genealogy, in addition to some extra-biblical sources, Bishop James Ussher reckoned that the Universe was created, on this date, in 4004 BC.
You know what would be an awesome birthday present? For people to stop believing that this bullshit is true and that it can serve as a reasonable basis for, well, anything.
It is, after all, no longer the 17th Century, and we have a little more information to work from than a listing of who begat who in a book written in in the freakin' Bronze Age.
Just a thought.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Only Way I Can Spend A Day With A Beautiful Woman
Today is the lovely Nadia's birthday - being a gentleman, I have no idea which birthday - so I presented her with the following present:
I spent most of yesterday working on it, trying to make sure I finished it in time for today, and making sure it looked as good as I could possibly make it.
Besides, I don't have any other means by which I can spend my Saturdays with a beautiful woman.
As for how well I succeeded in making it look as good as I possibly could, well, I'll let you be the judge, but I will mention that Nadia herself LOVED it.
So, once again, Happy Birthday, Nadia!
Friday was Scott's birthday, and while I did post the traditional Scott: Birthday graphic on his wall, I didn't mention it here, but only because I didn't post anything on Friday. I gave him his presents, which were swag from the con - a signed Amanda Conner Power Girl print and a signed Adam Hughes sketchbook - weeks ago, as I was too impatient to wait.
I also joined him, Stacy, and others at Jamie and Casey's house for cake - or rather, cheesecake - on Friday night.
Anyway, I'm sure he'll also happily accept the picture above as a belated bonus gift.
I spent most of yesterday working on it, trying to make sure I finished it in time for today, and making sure it looked as good as I could possibly make it.
Besides, I don't have any other means by which I can spend my Saturdays with a beautiful woman.
As for how well I succeeded in making it look as good as I possibly could, well, I'll let you be the judge, but I will mention that Nadia herself LOVED it.
So, once again, Happy Birthday, Nadia!
Friday was Scott's birthday, and while I did post the traditional Scott: Birthday graphic on his wall, I didn't mention it here, but only because I didn't post anything on Friday. I gave him his presents, which were swag from the con - a signed Amanda Conner Power Girl print and a signed Adam Hughes sketchbook - weeks ago, as I was too impatient to wait.
I also joined him, Stacy, and others at Jamie and Casey's house for cake - or rather, cheesecake - on Friday night.
Anyway, I'm sure he'll also happily accept the picture above as a belated bonus gift.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Birthday Post?
Just like every year on this day, today Threshold wishes a happy birthday to the lovely and talented Carla Gugino!
And, of course, that means that it's time to wish a happy birthday to Threshold itself!
...
Yeah, about that...
Five years ago I happened to think, "Hey, I've been blogging for around a year or so, right?" I looked at the list of archived posts for 2004 and saw that the date range for the first week of posts started on 8/29/2004.
And I assumed that meant that was the date of Threshold's creation, and the date of my first post.
Further, I made the Threshold-Gugino connection because I happened to see on IMDb that it was her birthday, and further, that year's fall season would find her starring in a new series called Threshold. It was too perfect!
Yep. It was too perfect.
In rounding up some artwork to load onto my laptop for the Con, I went through a bunch of old posts, and in making my way backwards through time - more on that in another post - I stumbled onto a sad truth: Threshold was born on August 30th.
Still, celebrating the birth of Threshold and the birth of Carla Gugino has been a tradition for nearly as long as Threshold has been around - in fact, it's been a tradition for just one day shy of a year since Threshold began - and, apart from an interest in total honesty, I can't see any reason to change it.
So happy birthday, dear Carla Gugino! And happy birthday to you, dear Threshold!
And, of course, that means that it's time to wish a happy birthday to Threshold itself!
...
Yeah, about that...
Five years ago I happened to think, "Hey, I've been blogging for around a year or so, right?" I looked at the list of archived posts for 2004 and saw that the date range for the first week of posts started on 8/29/2004.
And I assumed that meant that was the date of Threshold's creation, and the date of my first post.
Further, I made the Threshold-Gugino connection because I happened to see on IMDb that it was her birthday, and further, that year's fall season would find her starring in a new series called Threshold. It was too perfect!
Yep. It was too perfect.
In rounding up some artwork to load onto my laptop for the Con, I went through a bunch of old posts, and in making my way backwards through time - more on that in another post - I stumbled onto a sad truth: Threshold was born on August 30th.
Still, celebrating the birth of Threshold and the birth of Carla Gugino has been a tradition for nearly as long as Threshold has been around - in fact, it's been a tradition for just one day shy of a year since Threshold began - and, apart from an interest in total honesty, I can't see any reason to change it.
So happy birthday, dear Carla Gugino! And happy birthday to you, dear Threshold!
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