First, read this: This is the Sunday school pageant I’d love to see: Psalm 82
Now what follows below, which was hastily dashed off by me in the comments section of the post(and has had some cursory editing done before being reposted here), will make slightly more sense.
“Give justice to the weak and the orphan;
maintain the right of the lowly and the destitute.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”
Jehovah paused to allow those assembled to contemplate his words before moving forward on the path to the big finish; he was nothing if not a master showman, and he knew that if he was going to get the Council on board he would have to provide them with a show unlike any other they'd encountered.
Looking about the room, he was greeted by a series of impassive - yet solemn - faces...or the things that passed for faces with some of the less anthropomorphic among them, at any rate, and once he was certain that he had wrung out the last drop of drama that he could from the dramatic pause he cleared his throat and prepared to move on to his next point.
As he began to speak, he heard the sound of laughter, or at least he assumed it to be laughter. It was an empty, cold, and dark sound.
It reminded Jehovah of the silence that filled his ears in an earlier time, in the time before he first uttered the words, "Let there be light."
"It seems," Jehovah said, "that one among you has something to say." He searched the crowd looking for the source of the sound, and the assembled gods each in turn did the same, until, at last, a solitary figure stood.
The face was familiar to Jehovah - certainly it was a face that no one, particularly one possessed of omniscience, would be likely to forget - but he couldn't quite place it. The pitfall of knowing everything, after all, is that it's a lot of information to have to sift through, making rapid retrieval a challenge even for the omnipotent.
"I ask your forbearance," the god who stood said, in a voice that seemed to bring a chill to the air. "However, I was not aware that all of us were called here to witness a comedic performance."
Jehovah scowled. The impertinent god in the crowd smiled, though it was a smile that was out of place on the stony countenance, which, Jehovah could tell, normally bore a scowl that would put the one he himself was trying to muster to shame.
"I'm not sure what it is that you find so amusing..." he spared a glance at Jesus, who silently mouthed a name, "...Darkseid, is it?"
"Indeed it is. What I find amusing is your self-righteous appeal to 'justice' and 'deliverance,’ when it is clear that no one in this room, including yourself, can provide these things."
Unbidden, Darkseid stepped forward and up to the stage. He turned to view all of those present, extending his muscular arms in a sweeping arc. "None here is capable of rescuing the weak and delivering them from the hand of the wicked." He smiled. "None, that is, save...Darkseid!"
It was Jehovah's turn to laugh. "You? Delivering them from the hand of the wicked? You ARE the hand of the wicked."
"Not so! For where you have placed a curse upon the living, I seek the means to break the curse, to end injustice, to end all suffering. You have cursed the living to freedom! You have cursed them to life! But I, Darkseid, seek the end of freedom! I seek the power of Anti-Life! And when at last I hold the power in my hand, there will be no more wickedness, no want, no suffering, no freedom, no will. All will be Darkseid!"
The crowd began to murmur in an infinite number of voices; the cacophony carried the sounds of anger, amusement, confusion, fear, and, much to Jehovah's annoyance, some amount of agreement.
"You see? This sea of voices, the susurration of discord! This is what I shall remove from the universe! There will be only one voice! MY voice!"
"ENOUGH!"
The room fell silent at the sound of Jehovah's shout. He snapped his fingers and pointed to a pale white figure wearing a green cloak. "Corrigan! Get him out of here!"
The impassive figure moved toward Darkseid, who raised his gloved hand. "I'll find my own way out."
With that, a tremendous BOOM! shattered the silence and a great glowing hole, crackling with energy, appeared in the air behind Darkseid.
The great, stony figure turned towards the opening, but before stepping into it he turned back to face the assembled gods.
"Before I leave, I say, ‘You are gods, children of the Most High, all of you; nevertheless, you shall die like mortals, and fall like any prince.’" He smiled. "And when you do, there will remain only...Darkseid!"
He stepped into the strange tube, which closed with another bone-rattling BOOM!
Jehovah stood in silence amongst the gods, who had once again resumed their murmuring. As he stood impassive in the din, he felt as cold and alone as he had in the time before creation.
"The worst part," he said, to no one in particular, "is that he stole my line about the gods dying like mortals."
Nearby, Orion, the Dog of War, approached Jesus.
"I apologize for my father. If it's any consolation, it's prophesied that one day he may die by my hand." He frowned. "Or I may die by his. The prophecy isn't as clear as I'd like. In any case, I'm sure to deliver a serious beatdown."
"Well," Jesus said, "that's nice, I suppose, but...I'm the Prince of Peace, so thoughts of violence don't really bring me comfort."
Orion seemed taken aback. "Oh. Well...huh."
"One day," Jesus continued, "I will be born as a mortal man on the Earth, and I will be sacrificed to my father to pay for the sins of the world."
There was the sound of metal scraping on metal as Orion scratched his helmeted head. "Yikes. As bad as my father is, he just sent me to be raised on New Genesis. Where will you be staying while you're there?"
"In the land of Israel."
"That shithole? You should come to Supertown instead. The place is amazing." He paused. "Wait...aren't you, like, also your dad? Some sort of trinity thing?"
Jesus nodded. "It's...complicated."
Elsewhere, Rama Kushna approached the green-cloaked figure who had been dispatched by Jehovah to remove Darkseid. "Excuse me, Corrigan, is it?"
The pale figure nodded. "At times. I've also been known as Jordan, and Allen. It's...complicated. I'm not even certain where - or when - I am. To be Corrigan, I'd have to be from...when are we?"
Rama Kushna shrugged. An interesting sight, considering how many arms she had. "This is a timeless place. But back to you...you're an angel, aren't you?"
"In this form, I am an angel merged with the soul of a departed mortal."
"You mean you're...a ghost?"
"Yes. It is how the Almighty bound me to the Earth to serve as the instrument of his vengeance."
Rama Kushna seemed to consider this, stroking her chin with several of her hands. "A ghost. Why didn't I think of that?"
Showing posts with label i heart slacktivist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i heart slacktivist. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
Behind The (End) Times
Greeted by much rejoicing from those of us who have been clamoring for such a thing for years, Fred "Slacktivist" Clark is finally pulling together the vast archives of his deconstruction of the Left Behind series into book form, or at least, something much more book-like than the pages and pages of blog posts.
As part of that, he's holding a contest to choose a title and a cover design.
Below are my suggestions*, as well as a hastily thrown together attempt at a cover design for my personal favorite of my suggestions.
"Please Stand Behind: The Rapture is Experiencing Theological Difficulties"
"Fully Loaded: The Story of the World's Worst Books"
"All Right, Then I'll Go To Hell: Unpacking The Twisted Exegesis of Left Behind"
"Phoning It In"
"TurboJesus and His Amazing Friends"
"Forced Tribulation"
 |
| "Prayers will be answered in the order in which they were received." |
Regardless of who wins the contest, I'll be sure to keep you posted once the book is available. Whether or not you're interested in reading a detailed deconstruction of The World's Worst Books (TM), or the strange mishmash of theology they represent, throwing some money Fred's way is a worthy effort, and his hilarious insights into the world of Premillennial Dispensation - full of references to comic books, Buffy, Dr. Who, and other geeky touchstones - are so well-written that enjoyment is guaranteed.
*Also, the title of this post is itself a decent suggestion.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I Still Heart Slacktivist
…and if you become a regular, odds are he’ll heart you, too.
Which brings me to why, for the umpteenth time, I’m mentioning my affection for what has to be the most unlikely place to rise to the position of “Jon’s Favorite Place On Teh Interwebs.”
After all, who would expect me to be a (raving) fan of a blog maintained by an Evangelical Christian?
And yet that’s exactly what I am.
I went for the extensive - and epic - Left Behind dissections, got drawn in by the commenting community, and have stuck around for nearly five years now, with no plans to leave.
To ensure that remains possible – and profitable for the gracious host – lots of other people need to become frequent visitors as well.
You might not always agree with him – I certainly don’t; Evangelical Christian, after all – but you’re bound to be entertained, informed, and challenged by his writings.
And if you dip into the comments, you’ll find that there’s a huge community of people who are just as entertaining, informative, and challenging.*
So read this post, then go back to read other posts, and then keep doing that.
*And also me.
Which brings me to why, for the umpteenth time, I’m mentioning my affection for what has to be the most unlikely place to rise to the position of “Jon’s Favorite Place On Teh Interwebs.”
After all, who would expect me to be a (raving) fan of a blog maintained by an Evangelical Christian?
And yet that’s exactly what I am.
I went for the extensive - and epic - Left Behind dissections, got drawn in by the commenting community, and have stuck around for nearly five years now, with no plans to leave.
To ensure that remains possible – and profitable for the gracious host – lots of other people need to become frequent visitors as well.
You might not always agree with him – I certainly don’t; Evangelical Christian, after all – but you’re bound to be entertained, informed, and challenged by his writings.
And if you dip into the comments, you’ll find that there’s a huge community of people who are just as entertaining, informative, and challenging.*
So read this post, then go back to read other posts, and then keep doing that.
*And also me.
Friday, February 08, 2013
At The Very Least, Apologize
So some of you are, at some point between now and March 23rd, going to like, share/reshare, or in some other fashion pollute Facebook with a breathless warning about how, thanks to “Obamacare,” everyone is going to be forced to have a microchip implanted in their hands that will allow the government to track their every move and completely control their lives.
Some of you will also fill the inboxes of your friends and family with a forwarded e-mail warning.
I have a simple request: don’t.
Just don’t fucking do it.
At all.
Don’t even think about doing it.
Have yourself a moment of clarity and realize, “You know, this sounds like total bullshit. Maybe I shouldn’t pass it along.”
At a minimum, if you really feel as though it must be true because, well, because reasons, and you absolutely have to warn everyone about how this astonishing technological breakthrough that could revolutionize communications – think about it; if it exists, it’s a tiny, device that can wirelessly transmit and receive data in a way that’s infinitely more efficient and effective than the best smartphone currently on the market and does not require a bulky battery – is being used to monitor people and control their lives instead of being incorporated into thinner, lighter iPads, when March 24th rolls around and your hand, and the hand of everyone you know, remains chip-free, you need to apologize for the false alarm.
Honestly, if I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you legitimately want to warn people about something that you feel is an actual, imminent danger because you are or want to be a decent person, then you should similarly be a decent enough person to admit that you made a mistake.
By that same token, if, come March 24th, I’m idly scratching away at the injection site reaction on my hand where the chip was implanted, I will feel compelled to say “My bad.”
(For more discussion of this subject, head on over to Slacktivist.)
Some of you will also fill the inboxes of your friends and family with a forwarded e-mail warning.
I have a simple request: don’t.
Just don’t fucking do it.
At all.
Don’t even think about doing it.
Have yourself a moment of clarity and realize, “You know, this sounds like total bullshit. Maybe I shouldn’t pass it along.”
At a minimum, if you really feel as though it must be true because, well, because reasons, and you absolutely have to warn everyone about how this astonishing technological breakthrough that could revolutionize communications – think about it; if it exists, it’s a tiny, device that can wirelessly transmit and receive data in a way that’s infinitely more efficient and effective than the best smartphone currently on the market and does not require a bulky battery – is being used to monitor people and control their lives instead of being incorporated into thinner, lighter iPads, when March 24th rolls around and your hand, and the hand of everyone you know, remains chip-free, you need to apologize for the false alarm.
Honestly, if I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you legitimately want to warn people about something that you feel is an actual, imminent danger because you are or want to be a decent person, then you should similarly be a decent enough person to admit that you made a mistake.
By that same token, if, come March 24th, I’m idly scratching away at the injection site reaction on my hand where the chip was implanted, I will feel compelled to say “My bad.”
 |
| The Highlights for Children version. |
(For more discussion of this subject, head on over to Slacktivist.)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday Night Randomness
Last night, being Thursday, was movie night for Scott and me.
Shortly after he left, I tended to the things I needed to tend to, then got into bed.
After a few minutes my phone rang.
I have a cordless phone for my landline that’s Bluetooth-enabled, which allows it to connect to my cell phone, so I can make and receive cell phone calls via my regular landline phone. I could see that the call was originating from my cell, and with those calls, all that gets passed along to the Caller ID display is the number. I looked to see if it was from Michigan, as my first assumption upon getting a call that late, if it isn’t a wrong number, is that it’s my sister calling to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. (Not that I’m trying to jinx things, but…well, I’ve gotten quite a few calls like that.)
When I saw that it was a Virginia area code, I thought, “Okay, either it’s a wrong number or Scott had some kind of trouble on his way home.”
It was not, unfortunately, a wrong number.
It was Stacy calling to inform me that she believes that Scott and I are cursed, as he got hit by a snow plow on the way home. (He was, at last report, a bit stiff and sore, but not injured. The same, of course, can’t be said for his car…)
****
I spent a fair amount of time at work this week consolidating four separate SharePoint lists into one SharePoint list.
It was exactly as exciting as it sounds.
In any case, the point of it all was to refine the intake process for our team, and while I was at it I thought I’d also refine our impact assessment list, our project tracking list, and our zzzzzzzzz
*Snort* Huh?
Oh.
Anyway, at the risk* of causing everyone – myself included – to doze off again, I also created a risk register to accompany the intake form and etc..
Actually, more than anything else, the risk register is what motivated me to consolidate the four lists into one, as the addition of the risk register would have added yet another separate list for us to fill out, because there was no way to incorporate it into what was already in place. So even though I added a new list, thanks to the consolidation, there was still a net decrease in the total number of lists. So, go me!
(My boss said, “You’re amazing. Next time I’ll let you pick out your own Christmas present.” Given that she gave me a gift certificate, I said, “I pretty much did this time anyway.”)
In any case, in testing out the new list, I created a sample project called “The Call of Cthullu.” The description of the project read, "In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,” and added, “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
In the associated risk register, I listed the primary risk as “Being devoured by Cthullu,” and for the risk response, I put, “There is no response – we’ll all be eaten.”
When I was showing the new list and risk register to my boss and my co-worker – who’s also my cube neighbor – my boss laughed as she read through the sample project and said, “You’re an idiot.” She then turned to my co-worker and said, “Does he just sit here giggling all day?”
****
(Standing around looking like my normal self, which apparently to others looks like..honestly, I don’t know what it looks like, but “normal” for me appears to be dour and/or suicidal or something.)
Co-Worker: Jon? Are you all right?
Me: Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.
Co-Worker: Is everything okay?
Me: Yes, why?
Co-Worker: You aren’t smiling.
Me: Well, things aren’t that okay.
****
Yesterday I woke up on my own five minutes before my alarm could go off. I turned the alarm off to keep it from sounding (or rather, playing music) while I was out of the room.
I forgot to turn it back on, so this morning I overslept. However, when you normally get up at 4 AM, “oversleeping” means still being up well before the sun, and getting to work two hours before everyone else.
But this is Northern Virginia, so it still means having to deal with a lot of traffic.
****
Co-Worker 1: It’s such a 90s way of thinking.
Co-Worker 2: You say that like the 90s were a long time ago.
Me: Uhh…it’s 2012.
****
Fred “Slacktivist” Clark comments on a piece by the public editor of The New York Times which contains this:
****
Boss: Thanks, Jon. You saved my ass on this.
Me: I know.
Boss: “I know.” Jackass.
Me: You’re welcome.
****
And finally, my sister Kristy turned 50 today. So, first of all, happy birthday, of course (and also to her husband Ken, whose birthday is also today), but second of all…well, before that quote about whether or not reporters should investigate “facts” could do it, that realization made my head asplode.
*Get it? Risk? ‘Cause I was talking about a risk register and…shut up.
Shortly after he left, I tended to the things I needed to tend to, then got into bed.
After a few minutes my phone rang.
I have a cordless phone for my landline that’s Bluetooth-enabled, which allows it to connect to my cell phone, so I can make and receive cell phone calls via my regular landline phone. I could see that the call was originating from my cell, and with those calls, all that gets passed along to the Caller ID display is the number. I looked to see if it was from Michigan, as my first assumption upon getting a call that late, if it isn’t a wrong number, is that it’s my sister calling to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. (Not that I’m trying to jinx things, but…well, I’ve gotten quite a few calls like that.)
When I saw that it was a Virginia area code, I thought, “Okay, either it’s a wrong number or Scott had some kind of trouble on his way home.”
It was not, unfortunately, a wrong number.
It was Stacy calling to inform me that she believes that Scott and I are cursed, as he got hit by a snow plow on the way home. (He was, at last report, a bit stiff and sore, but not injured. The same, of course, can’t be said for his car…)
****
I spent a fair amount of time at work this week consolidating four separate SharePoint lists into one SharePoint list.
It was exactly as exciting as it sounds.
In any case, the point of it all was to refine the intake process for our team, and while I was at it I thought I’d also refine our impact assessment list, our project tracking list, and our zzzzzzzzz
*Snort* Huh?
Oh.
Anyway, at the risk* of causing everyone – myself included – to doze off again, I also created a risk register to accompany the intake form and etc..
Actually, more than anything else, the risk register is what motivated me to consolidate the four lists into one, as the addition of the risk register would have added yet another separate list for us to fill out, because there was no way to incorporate it into what was already in place. So even though I added a new list, thanks to the consolidation, there was still a net decrease in the total number of lists. So, go me!
(My boss said, “You’re amazing. Next time I’ll let you pick out your own Christmas present.” Given that she gave me a gift certificate, I said, “I pretty much did this time anyway.”)
In any case, in testing out the new list, I created a sample project called “The Call of Cthullu.” The description of the project read, "In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,” and added, “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
In the associated risk register, I listed the primary risk as “Being devoured by Cthullu,” and for the risk response, I put, “There is no response – we’ll all be eaten.”
When I was showing the new list and risk register to my boss and my co-worker – who’s also my cube neighbor – my boss laughed as she read through the sample project and said, “You’re an idiot.” She then turned to my co-worker and said, “Does he just sit here giggling all day?”
****
(Standing around looking like my normal self, which apparently to others looks like..honestly, I don’t know what it looks like, but “normal” for me appears to be dour and/or suicidal or something.)
Co-Worker: Jon? Are you all right?
Me: Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.
Co-Worker: Is everything okay?
Me: Yes, why?
Co-Worker: You aren’t smiling.
Me: Well, things aren’t that okay.
****
Yesterday I woke up on my own five minutes before my alarm could go off. I turned the alarm off to keep it from sounding (or rather, playing music) while I was out of the room.
I forgot to turn it back on, so this morning I overslept. However, when you normally get up at 4 AM, “oversleeping” means still being up well before the sun, and getting to work two hours before everyone else.
But this is Northern Virginia, so it still means having to deal with a lot of traffic.
****
Co-Worker 1: It’s such a 90s way of thinking.
Co-Worker 2: You say that like the 90s were a long time ago.
Me: Uhh…it’s 2012.
****
Fred “Slacktivist” Clark comments on a piece by the public editor of The New York Times which contains this:
I’m looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should challenge “facts” that are asserted by newsmakers they write about.As I said in the Comments section:
This...this is an example of exactly the sort of illogical statement you would make in a bad sci-fi story to cause a robot's head to explode.
****
Boss: Thanks, Jon. You saved my ass on this.
Me: I know.
Boss: “I know.” Jackass.
Me: You’re welcome.
****
And finally, my sister Kristy turned 50 today. So, first of all, happy birthday, of course (and also to her husband Ken, whose birthday is also today), but second of all…well, before that quote about whether or not reporters should investigate “facts” could do it, that realization made my head asplode.
*Get it? Risk? ‘Cause I was talking about a risk register and…shut up.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
"Fred Clark Is A Treasure."
Test everything; hold fast to what is good.
Fred Clark posts at a blog called "Slacktivist", so he is often referred to by that name. But this left-wing Christian is far from a slacker. His blog is a powerful voice against the usual conservative Christian presence in America, and the best distillation of his strength is his series of posts analyzing the Left Behind novels of Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Fred savages these books for their "bad writing and bad theology" but it's not the usual Internet snark; Fred has a larger mission here than just pointing and laughing. He just finished dissecting book two, Tribulation Force, so it's a great time to jump on if you already haven't. (He has promised that after a holiday break, he's going to do the Tribulation Force movie, and then on to book three.)
- MetaFilter
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Slacktivism
I’ve been a lurker and sometimes commenter at Fred “Slacktivist” Clark’s blog for close to four years now.
I don’t always agree with everything he says – How could I? He self-identifies as an Evangelical Christian, after all – but whether I agree with him or not, his posts are always brilliant, funny, and thought-provoking.
He is, in my estimation, The Greatest Bogger of All Time. The GBAT, you could say, and probably would say, if you were a regular there and familiar with his lengthy, thorough, and always entertaining evisceration of the World’s Worst Books™.
If I were a dozen times better at this whole blogging thing than I am I would still fall far short of Fred’s ability.
He is also, currently – and only briefly, I hope – among the ranks of the nation’s unemployed, as are many of the wonderful commenters who make up the Slacktivist community.
Fred’s got an idea to try to do something about that. I think it’s a good one, and I’m throwing my meager Internet weight behind it and encouraging everyone to head over and pitch in.
After all, what’s the worst that could happen? As far as I can tell, that would involve reading well-written, insightful, thought-provoking, and challenging blog entries, suffused with humor, nerd references, and genuine warmth.
And you might even get drawn into the comments, where you can rub virtual elbows with a host of smart, funny, and all-around wonderful people. People like, oh, I don’t know…me?
I don’t always agree with everything he says – How could I? He self-identifies as an Evangelical Christian, after all – but whether I agree with him or not, his posts are always brilliant, funny, and thought-provoking.
He is, in my estimation, The Greatest Bogger of All Time. The GBAT, you could say, and probably would say, if you were a regular there and familiar with his lengthy, thorough, and always entertaining evisceration of the World’s Worst Books™.
If I were a dozen times better at this whole blogging thing than I am I would still fall far short of Fred’s ability.
He is also, currently – and only briefly, I hope – among the ranks of the nation’s unemployed, as are many of the wonderful commenters who make up the Slacktivist community.
Fred’s got an idea to try to do something about that. I think it’s a good one, and I’m throwing my meager Internet weight behind it and encouraging everyone to head over and pitch in.
After all, what’s the worst that could happen? As far as I can tell, that would involve reading well-written, insightful, thought-provoking, and challenging blog entries, suffused with humor, nerd references, and genuine warmth.
And you might even get drawn into the comments, where you can rub virtual elbows with a host of smart, funny, and all-around wonderful people. People like, oh, I don’t know…me?
Friday, April 23, 2010
Random Weirdness
So last night before I went to bed, something reminded me of an episode of The Simpsons - what are the odds of that happening? - which featured guest voice A. Brooks, which is how Albert Brooks is credited whenever he appears on The Simpsons.
That then led me to think about the fact that Albert Brooks is the brother of "Super Dave" Osbourne, and that the brothers' real last name is Einstein, which means that Albert Brooks is actually Albert Einstein.
That was pretty much the last coherent thought I had before I drifted off to sleep.
This morning after getting to work and logging in, I decided to ease into my day by going to Digg and checking out the latest, and I see a link to an article about celebrities who have changed their names.
Top of the list? Albert Brooks.
Just a randomly weird coincidence? (Answer: Yes)
Bonus Unrelated Link (That Everyone Should Follow And Read):
Establishment
That then led me to think about the fact that Albert Brooks is the brother of "Super Dave" Osbourne, and that the brothers' real last name is Einstein, which means that Albert Brooks is actually Albert Einstein.
That was pretty much the last coherent thought I had before I drifted off to sleep.
This morning after getting to work and logging in, I decided to ease into my day by going to Digg and checking out the latest, and I see a link to an article about celebrities who have changed their names.
Top of the list? Albert Brooks.
Just a randomly weird coincidence? (Answer: Yes)
Bonus Unrelated Link (That Everyone Should Follow And Read):
Establishment
At the same time, Romney's unwelcome attempt to join the parliamentary coalition
of religion hegemons raises in the minds of its misguided supporters the one
question that the coalition's continued existence depends on no one ever
asking: Which sect?
That is the question that every advocate of
established religion and sectarian government cannot answer. And thus it is the
question that every such advocate should be forced to answer. Until they stop.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Just Because
As long-time readers know, I don't often get political here, but - and this isn't really inspired by anything in particular - I just felt that I needed to share this:
Oh, wait, he only hates about ten of them. I guess that's okay, then. Now, if he hated eleven of them...
For more on Beck, if you're so inclined, check out this awesome as always post on Slacktivist.
Okay, that's it. When next I post I'll get back to the usual airy nothings and random nonsense.
Oh, wait, he only hates about ten of them. I guess that's okay, then. Now, if he hated eleven of them...
For more on Beck, if you're so inclined, check out this awesome as always post on Slacktivist.
Okay, that's it. When next I post I'll get back to the usual airy nothings and random nonsense.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Everything Is A Wiki These Days...Even Blasphemy!
Over at Slacktivist there are a two posts focusing on the Conservative Bible Project.
They're definitely worth a read.
For the uninitiated, the Conservative Bible Project is an effort to "retranslate" the Bible in an effort to remove "liberal bias."
I'm not kidding.
Now, I am admittedly neither a theist nor a theologian, but rewriting the Bible to suit your own agenda...how is this not blasphemy?
(Bonus: Here's someone who thinks that some Christians spend entirely too much time focusing on what Christ said. "Yeah, Jesus is great and all, but honestly, 50, 60 percent of the time I just zone out whenever He gets on about love and feeding the hungry and helping the poor and blah blah blah. Now give me some good old-fashioned hating the gays and you've got my attention!")
They're definitely worth a read.
For the uninitiated, the Conservative Bible Project is an effort to "retranslate" the Bible in an effort to remove "liberal bias."
I'm not kidding.
Now, I am admittedly neither a theist nor a theologian, but rewriting the Bible to suit your own agenda...how is this not blasphemy?
(Bonus: Here's someone who thinks that some Christians spend entirely too much time focusing on what Christ said. "Yeah, Jesus is great and all, but honestly, 50, 60 percent of the time I just zone out whenever He gets on about love and feeding the hungry and helping the poor and blah blah blah. Now give me some good old-fashioned hating the gays and you've got my attention!")
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Still not rock bottom
Still not rock bottom
Posted using ShareThis
(The above is the latest post on Slacktivist, and I think everyone should read it.)
I can't imagine what that's like. If my sense of self-worth had shriveled to the
point that my only consolation was to reassure myself that I was still better
than imaginary grandma-killing Nazis then I can't imagine finding a great deal
of consolation from such a thought. Imagine someone saying this to you, "Well,
you're better than Nazis euthanizing the elderly." Can you imagine feeling pride to receive such a meager compliment? Can you imagine even
thinking of that as a compliment at all?
Posted using ShareThis
(The above is the latest post on Slacktivist, and I think everyone should read it.)
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Tiller-less
Yesterday I stopped at Home Depot on the way home to pick up some more of that lawn patch repair stuff to use in the front yard, as the test patches in the backyard have actually been yielding new grass.
I also wanted to pick up some kind of tiller thing for the immediate purpose of breaking up the soil in the areas in which I need to use the patch repair stuff, but also for the future date on which I decide to do something different with the flowerbeds, as I'm not really all that thrilled about what was left behind by the previous owner in the way of flowers.
I found the perfect one; a Black & Decker model that uses the same battery system as all of the rest of my stuff.
Naturally they didn't actually have any in stock, and weren't selling the display model.
I'd intended to mow the lawn - the front and side, anyway - when I got home, but by the time I did I no longer had the energy, so I put it off until today.
I also did some hedge trimiing, and then did the patch repair thing on one of the bigger sections of dead grass, using a shovel and a rake to break up the soil, since I'm still tiller-less.
And that's been pretty much all the excitement in my life.
A Conversation at Work:
My boss: That will free you up from some "grunt work."
Me: That's good, because I certainly have plenty of that.
My boss: We're definitely going to be moving away from that kind of thing. I've got some good projects lined up for you.
Me: ...great.
Why I Heart Slacktivist Continued:
In his most recent post about the Delaware legislature passing legislature that would add sexual orientation to anti-discrimination laws, Fred "Slacktivist" Clark demonstrates yet again why I Heart Slacktivist:
Those bills never passed. "Discrimination against gays still legal in Del.," read the headline on the paper's Web site, year after year after year.
That headline was celebrated, each time, by Christian conservative groups who were always ferociously opposed to the idea that gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons should enjoy the same legal protections as everyone else in the state. Those groups liked to quote Leviticus to support the idea that homosexuality was an "abomination" to God. The idea, I guess, was that homosexuals were sinners and thus real, true Christians were therefore obliged to ensure that it remained perfectly legal to deny them access to housing or employment.
It's tempting to respond in kind, to say, I'll see your Leviticus and raise you a Deuteronomy:
Do not have two differing weights in your bag -- one heavy, one light. Do not have two differing measures in your house -- one large, one small. You must have accurate and honest weights and measures ... For the Lord your God detests anyone who does these things, anyone who deals dishonestly.
In other words, no fair not being fair. You can't have one price for one group of people and a different price for a different group. You can't have one housing market or one job market for one group of people and exclude other people from that market -- that's differing weights and measures, something the Lord your God detests. Inequality, discrimination, disenfranchisement and the dishonesty of double-dealing and double-standards turn out also to be abominations before the Lord.
And there's nothing in Deuteronomy to suggest a loophole that says it's OK to have differing weights in your bag so long as the short-changing one is for homosexuals. The Bible says, unambiguously, that these Delaware Christians' crusade in defense of legal discrimination is abominable and detestable.
So what we have here is a theological dispute -- a disagreement over the interpretation and meaning of the scripture. I'm confident I can win this argument, but before we get bogged down in the theological details of such a dispute, allow me to point out the most important thing to remember about all such arguments: They don't matter. Not even a little bit. Because none of what any of us thinks about the interpretation and meaning of the scripture is in any way relevant to the question before the legislature, a wholly secular body charged only with the wholly secular matters of law and justice.
I also wanted to pick up some kind of tiller thing for the immediate purpose of breaking up the soil in the areas in which I need to use the patch repair stuff, but also for the future date on which I decide to do something different with the flowerbeds, as I'm not really all that thrilled about what was left behind by the previous owner in the way of flowers.
I found the perfect one; a Black & Decker model that uses the same battery system as all of the rest of my stuff.
Naturally they didn't actually have any in stock, and weren't selling the display model.
I'd intended to mow the lawn - the front and side, anyway - when I got home, but by the time I did I no longer had the energy, so I put it off until today.
I also did some hedge trimiing, and then did the patch repair thing on one of the bigger sections of dead grass, using a shovel and a rake to break up the soil, since I'm still tiller-less.
And that's been pretty much all the excitement in my life.
A Conversation at Work:
My boss: That will free you up from some "grunt work."
Me: That's good, because I certainly have plenty of that.
My boss: We're definitely going to be moving away from that kind of thing. I've got some good projects lined up for you.
Me: ...great.
Why I Heart Slacktivist Continued:
In his most recent post about the Delaware legislature passing legislature that would add sexual orientation to anti-discrimination laws, Fred "Slacktivist" Clark demonstrates yet again why I Heart Slacktivist:
Those bills never passed. "Discrimination against gays still legal in Del.," read the headline on the paper's Web site, year after year after year.
That headline was celebrated, each time, by Christian conservative groups who were always ferociously opposed to the idea that gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons should enjoy the same legal protections as everyone else in the state. Those groups liked to quote Leviticus to support the idea that homosexuality was an "abomination" to God. The idea, I guess, was that homosexuals were sinners and thus real, true Christians were therefore obliged to ensure that it remained perfectly legal to deny them access to housing or employment.
It's tempting to respond in kind, to say, I'll see your Leviticus and raise you a Deuteronomy:
Do not have two differing weights in your bag -- one heavy, one light. Do not have two differing measures in your house -- one large, one small. You must have accurate and honest weights and measures ... For the Lord your God detests anyone who does these things, anyone who deals dishonestly.
In other words, no fair not being fair. You can't have one price for one group of people and a different price for a different group. You can't have one housing market or one job market for one group of people and exclude other people from that market -- that's differing weights and measures, something the Lord your God detests. Inequality, discrimination, disenfranchisement and the dishonesty of double-dealing and double-standards turn out also to be abominations before the Lord.
And there's nothing in Deuteronomy to suggest a loophole that says it's OK to have differing weights in your bag so long as the short-changing one is for homosexuals. The Bible says, unambiguously, that these Delaware Christians' crusade in defense of legal discrimination is abominable and detestable.
So what we have here is a theological dispute -- a disagreement over the interpretation and meaning of the scripture. I'm confident I can win this argument, but before we get bogged down in the theological details of such a dispute, allow me to point out the most important thing to remember about all such arguments: They don't matter. Not even a little bit. Because none of what any of us thinks about the interpretation and meaning of the scripture is in any way relevant to the question before the legislature, a wholly secular body charged only with the wholly secular matters of law and justice.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Why I Heart Slacktivist (And You Should, Too)
I've mentioned Slacktivist here many times, and, in fact, have a link to it over in my Blog Roll.
The main reason I visit Slacktivist so often is the in-depth analysis of the Left Behind series, a series of books set in the near future detailing the events that will occur in the world after The Rapture, that moment when Christ magically whisks all Bible-believing Christians - and children who are younger than a nebulously-defined "age of accountability," including fetuses - up to Heaven, and those of us who don't meet that criteria are "left behind" to suffer through the period of Tribulation that follows until Christ returns to Earth to reign over us all for a thousand years, as is detailed in the Bible.
Except that it isn't. In the Bible, that is.
The concept of The Rapture, as espoused by Pre-Millennial Dispensationalists, such as Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, the co-authors of the Left Behind books, requires a very tortured, specific, and convoluted reading of the Bible, and a reliance on extra-Biblical authorities, despite the fact that its adherents claim that it comes from a straightforward literal reading of the Bible.
(They keep saying that word, "literal." I do not think it means what they think it means.)
The thing is, despite the fact that these beliefs are held by a relatively small number of Christians - and there is no universal agreement about Biblical interpretation among the adherents of the multiple brands of this theology - the media often accepts these claims as mainstream Christian belief. When the LaHayes of the world say "It's in the Bible," many people just accept that claim as, well, gospel.
(And what is "mainstream Christian belief" anyway? Despite the fact that Protestants outnumber Catholics in America, Catholics are actually the largest single denomination. Does that make Catholic doctrine the mainstream belief? It seems to me that the numbers would suggest that to be the case, but try telling that to a Baptist. Or a Lutheran. Or a Mormon. Or a Methodist. Or a...well, you get the idea.)
This is part of the reason that Fred "Slacktivist" Clark finds the books so onerous. As an Evangelical Christian himself, he is offended - and rightly so - by the assumption that these books, which, inexplicably, are bestellers, represent what he believes, especially given that, from his perspective, the theology they represent is not just wrong but evil.
It doesn't help matters any that the books, judged on their own merits as creative works, are absolutely dreadful.
This is why Fred devoted more than five years to dissecting the first book, several months to dissecting the movie based on the first book, and has now moved on to dissecting the second book.
In any case, all of the above leads me to this, an excerpt from Fred's latest post, examining, with great care, pages 28 through 32 of Tribulation Force, the second book in the series:
I'm just not really clear on how cloistering themselves in Bruce's study every weeknight is supposed to lead, even indirectly, to more churches being started. Studying "prophecy" in an invitation-only small group doesn't seem like an effective church-planting strategy. I guess maybe the "144,000 [singing, virgin] Jews" are supposed to spring up to take care of the front-line work.
Bruce, like Tim LaHaye, has a way of running off the rails when he gets into the details of his prophecy scheme. One can, in fact, open the book of Revelation and find mentioned there seven "seals" of divine judgment. By mentioning that fact first, Bruce casts a kind of biblical halo over whatever non-sequitur nonsense he says next -- "Remember the seven Seal Judgments Revelation talks about? Well, then Godzilla, lamb chop, munchkin, glockenspiel gumdrop." And everyone nods along as though he was somehow citing chapter and verse with authority.
This is where "Bible prophecy experts" leave me dumbfounded. It's not simply that they're offering some strange interpretation or some overly imaginative exegesis -- they just flat-out make stuff up. Arbitrary, deliriously weird stuff. "Remember the seven Seal Judgments Revelation talks about?" Yes, in fact, I do remember that. It's in Revelation 6. Feel free to read that yourself some time and look for any hint or basis for spinning out this 18-month/3-month business. It can't be found there.
This might sound to you like I'm simply disagreeing with LaHaye/Bruce over the meaning of a passage in our sect's sacred text, but it's much more than that. It's not like a couple of Melville scholars arguing over the meaning of the whiteness of the whale. It's more like encountering a supposed Melville scholar who tells you that Moby Dick is mainly about killer robot ninjas from outer space.
That last line is, in a nutshell, why I heart Slacktivist. Throw in the frequent references to comic books, science fiction, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and you begin to understand why I'm hoping to live long enough to see Fred make his slow, careful way through all sixteen of the books and the two (so far) remaining movies. At the rate he's going, that's unlikely to happen, but even so, I will keep going back every Friday for my Left Behind fix.
But really, that's only part of it. There is much to recommend regular readings of Slacktivist. I don't always agree with the points Fred makes in his posts - How could I? He is, after all, an Evangelical Christian - but you can be certain that he always makes those points brilliantly and hilariously.
And the posts themselves are, again, only part of the appeal. The comments demostrate that some of the smartest, coolest, weirdest, and most diverse people in the world are just as enamored of the works of Slacktivist as I am.
So I heart Slacktivist. And you should, too.
The main reason I visit Slacktivist so often is the in-depth analysis of the Left Behind series, a series of books set in the near future detailing the events that will occur in the world after The Rapture, that moment when Christ magically whisks all Bible-believing Christians - and children who are younger than a nebulously-defined "age of accountability," including fetuses - up to Heaven, and those of us who don't meet that criteria are "left behind" to suffer through the period of Tribulation that follows until Christ returns to Earth to reign over us all for a thousand years, as is detailed in the Bible.
Except that it isn't. In the Bible, that is.
The concept of The Rapture, as espoused by Pre-Millennial Dispensationalists, such as Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, the co-authors of the Left Behind books, requires a very tortured, specific, and convoluted reading of the Bible, and a reliance on extra-Biblical authorities, despite the fact that its adherents claim that it comes from a straightforward literal reading of the Bible.
(They keep saying that word, "literal." I do not think it means what they think it means.)
The thing is, despite the fact that these beliefs are held by a relatively small number of Christians - and there is no universal agreement about Biblical interpretation among the adherents of the multiple brands of this theology - the media often accepts these claims as mainstream Christian belief. When the LaHayes of the world say "It's in the Bible," many people just accept that claim as, well, gospel.
(And what is "mainstream Christian belief" anyway? Despite the fact that Protestants outnumber Catholics in America, Catholics are actually the largest single denomination. Does that make Catholic doctrine the mainstream belief? It seems to me that the numbers would suggest that to be the case, but try telling that to a Baptist. Or a Lutheran. Or a Mormon. Or a Methodist. Or a...well, you get the idea.)
This is part of the reason that Fred "Slacktivist" Clark finds the books so onerous. As an Evangelical Christian himself, he is offended - and rightly so - by the assumption that these books, which, inexplicably, are bestellers, represent what he believes, especially given that, from his perspective, the theology they represent is not just wrong but evil.
It doesn't help matters any that the books, judged on their own merits as creative works, are absolutely dreadful.
This is why Fred devoted more than five years to dissecting the first book, several months to dissecting the movie based on the first book, and has now moved on to dissecting the second book.
In any case, all of the above leads me to this, an excerpt from Fred's latest post, examining, with great care, pages 28 through 32 of Tribulation Force, the second book in the series:
I'm just not really clear on how cloistering themselves in Bruce's study every weeknight is supposed to lead, even indirectly, to more churches being started. Studying "prophecy" in an invitation-only small group doesn't seem like an effective church-planting strategy. I guess maybe the "144,000 [singing, virgin] Jews" are supposed to spring up to take care of the front-line work.
"That sounds fantastic," Chloe said. "We should be thrilled."
"I am thrilled," Bruce said. "But there will be little time to rejoice or to rest. Remember the seven Seal Judgments Revelation talks about?" She nodded. "Those will begin immediately, if I'm right. There will be an 18-month period of peace, but in the three months following that, the rest of the Seal Judgments will fall on the earth. ..."
Bruce, like Tim LaHaye, has a way of running off the rails when he gets into the details of his prophecy scheme. One can, in fact, open the book of Revelation and find mentioned there seven "seals" of divine judgment. By mentioning that fact first, Bruce casts a kind of biblical halo over whatever non-sequitur nonsense he says next -- "Remember the seven Seal Judgments Revelation talks about? Well, then Godzilla, lamb chop, munchkin, glockenspiel gumdrop." And everyone nods along as though he was somehow citing chapter and verse with authority.
This is where "Bible prophecy experts" leave me dumbfounded. It's not simply that they're offering some strange interpretation or some overly imaginative exegesis -- they just flat-out make stuff up. Arbitrary, deliriously weird stuff. "Remember the seven Seal Judgments Revelation talks about?" Yes, in fact, I do remember that. It's in Revelation 6. Feel free to read that yourself some time and look for any hint or basis for spinning out this 18-month/3-month business. It can't be found there.
This might sound to you like I'm simply disagreeing with LaHaye/Bruce over the meaning of a passage in our sect's sacred text, but it's much more than that. It's not like a couple of Melville scholars arguing over the meaning of the whiteness of the whale. It's more like encountering a supposed Melville scholar who tells you that Moby Dick is mainly about killer robot ninjas from outer space.
That last line is, in a nutshell, why I heart Slacktivist. Throw in the frequent references to comic books, science fiction, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and you begin to understand why I'm hoping to live long enough to see Fred make his slow, careful way through all sixteen of the books and the two (so far) remaining movies. At the rate he's going, that's unlikely to happen, but even so, I will keep going back every Friday for my Left Behind fix.
But really, that's only part of it. There is much to recommend regular readings of Slacktivist. I don't always agree with the points Fred makes in his posts - How could I? He is, after all, an Evangelical Christian - but you can be certain that he always makes those points brilliantly and hilariously.
And the posts themselves are, again, only part of the appeal. The comments demostrate that some of the smartest, coolest, weirdest, and most diverse people in the world are just as enamored of the works of Slacktivist as I am.
So I heart Slacktivist. And you should, too.
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