As it does every year, the time has come to extend birthday wishes to the evangelist who was inspired by the propaganda techniques of the Communist Party of China to begin releasing “gospel” tracts, which have been (ironically) loved and (unironically) hated for more than fifty years. Happy 90th, Jack Chick!
Of course, at the same time, we have to extend our condolences, as that means that Jack has lived in this fallen world for nine decades without being vacuumed up to meet Jesus during the Rapture. After 90 years, it has to be difficult to keep on believing that the Rapture will happen any minute now.
(How about now? Nope. Now? Nope…)
He must be especially dismayed, given the rising popularity of the “entertainment” that is little more than an efficient delivery system for demonic influences. Sorry, Jack – the Illuminati just knows how create propaganda that's more interesting and compelling than your righteous little comics. But don't worry; I'm sure the Rapture will happen any minute, and those of us who haven't said the right magic words will suffer for our enjoyment of things like Harry Potter, role-playing games, and comic book movies.
(And...now! ...now?)
And speaking of demonic entertainment, happy birthday to Ron “Hellboy” Perlman, who turns 63 today. Get to work on convincing Guillermo Del Toro that the world needs more Hellboy movies before you get too old*!
And, finally, happy birthday to some dork named Jon, who, at 42, has hit the geekiest age possible, what with being the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything.
If Jon’s the answer, I don’t think anyone wants to know the question…
*I’m not saying he’s too old; he said it himself while working on Pacific Rim and making a case for more Hellboy.
Showing posts with label Jack T. Chick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jack T. Chick. Show all posts
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Heaven, Hell, And Birthdays
As has been tradition for years, Threshold encourages everyone to extend birthday wishes to Jack T. Chick, the world’s preeminent purveyor of cartoon Christianity.
While I can’t exactly say that I feel sorry for him, I’m sure it must be disappointing to add another candle to the cake and have to face the fact that, once again, he hasn’t gotten what he really wants, which is to see the rest of us get what we deserve.
Better luck next year, Jack – I’m sure 89 years feels like a long time to have to wait for a Rapture that must seem increasingly less imminent all the time, but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to millennia, so just hang in there, and as you sit in front of your cake preparing to make your wish – and we all know what that wish will be – take a moment to consider all of those flickering flames and think about how someday all of us sinners will be trapped in the Lake of Fire for all eternity, wishing that we could blow out the flames as easily as you blow out those candles.
Still, I know how rough birthdays can be, especially when you don’t get the one thing you want most…
So, out of a sense of camaraderie on this day that we share in common, I will commiserate with you enough to not let out a hearty “Haw! Haw! Haw!” at your expense.
*Sigh* Happy Birthday, Jack.
Threshold also sends out birthday greetings to Ron Perlman, who played a comic book demon who was a better Christian than any character in Jack’s tracts.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Rapture-Free Vs. Purpose-Free
"God's Cartoonist" Jack T. Chick has been walking this sinful, wicked earth for 88 Rapture-free years today. Happy birthday, you ancient hatemonger!
Meanwhile, I've been walking this irritating, sticky earth for a comparatively scant 40 purpose-free years.
I'm 40.
40.
...
the very idea is fucking ridiculous.
Meanwhile, I've been walking this irritating, sticky earth for a comparatively scant 40 purpose-free years.
I'm 40.
40.
...
the very idea is fucking ridiculous.
 |
| How I feel when I think about being 40. |
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
You Say It's Jack's Birthday, It's Hellboy's Brithday Too Yeah...
As always at this time of year, Threshold wishes a very happy birthday to everyone's favorite creator of hateful, Christian fundamentalist sequential art-based propaganda, the one and only Jack T. Chick!
Jack is 87 today, and I'm sure we can all agree that's a long time to have to wait for The Rapture.
Sadly, for him, I think that another birthday is going to have to pass without him getting what he really wants...
Today is also the birthday of actor Ron Perlman, who is known for many roles, but, more significantly, given who he shares his birthday with, has filled the role of Hellboy.
Heaven and Hell? My birthday has got it covered.
Jack is 87 today, and I'm sure we can all agree that's a long time to have to wait for The Rapture.
Sadly, for him, I think that another birthday is going to have to pass without him getting what he really wants...
Today is also the birthday of actor Ron Perlman, who is known for many roles, but, more significantly, given who he shares his birthday with, has filled the role of Hellboy.
Heaven and Hell? My birthday has got it covered.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Happy Birthday, Dear Jack...
You know, given his antipathy towards all things that aren't all about Jesus, Jack T. Chick probably has no use for birthdays - he most likely thinks they're some sort of Gay Satanic Illuminati Occult Catholic Liberal conspiracy - but the fact remains that everyone's favorite fundamentalist propaganda artist was born into this fallen world 86 years ago today. Happy birthday, Jack! Keep on keeping on; that pesky old Rapture is bound to happen eventually!
(A note for the faint of heart; the above video featuring one of Jack's out-of-print tracts is, well, not for the faint of heart.)
Oh, and I should probably mention that I was born into this sinful, sinful world on this day a comparitively short 38 years ago.
(A note for the faint of heart; the above video featuring one of Jack's out-of-print tracts is, well, not for the faint of heart.)
Oh, and I should probably mention that I was born into this sinful, sinful world on this day a comparitively short 38 years ago.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Don't Worry Jack; Jesus Will Suck You Up With His Magic Dyson One Day
I want to take this opportunity to send out a special birthday greeting to everyone's favorite Christian Fundamentalist propaganda artist, the one, the only, Jack T. Chick.
As you hit the milestone of having spent 85 years on this planet without dropping trou and beaming on up to heaven, per yourtwisted convoluted understanding of scripture, I know it must seem like that darn Rapture will never get here, and you have to wonder if your years spent telling anyone and everyone (but especially those pesky Catholics, Mormons, D & D players, liberals, and who could forget the queers?) that they're going to Hell to burn forever in a lake of fire prepared for the Devil and all his angels, while you and the right-minded people like you get to hang out up above in a mansion built by the Christ Construction Company enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of roasting sinners has been all for naught. Why, at this rate you might actually have to get to Heaven the hard way, like some common Christian who isn't living in the End Times. Why, that might mean that you're not special!
Well, Jack, all I can say to that is....Don't Stop Believing!
Happy Birthday, Jack!
(Oh, and some other schmuck named Jon is also celebrating his birthday today. And by "celebrating" I mean cleaning the house and doing laundry.)
As you hit the milestone of having spent 85 years on this planet without dropping trou and beaming on up to heaven, per your
Well, Jack, all I can say to that is....Don't Stop Believing!
Happy Birthday, Jack!
(Oh, and some other schmuck named Jon is also celebrating his birthday today. And by "celebrating" I mean cleaning the house and doing laundry.)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
So Hard To Limit It To Ten
Topless Robot gives us The 10 Most Awesomely Insane Jack Chick Mini-Comics
There are other tracts that I would have chosen for this list, but it is a good representative sample.
There are other tracts that I would have chosen for this list, but it is a good representative sample.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Beware The Ides Of April
Just as March 15th marks the Ides of March, so too does April 13th mark the Ides of April.
And when the Ides of April are upon us, that can mean only one thing: it's the birthday of that prolific purveyor of paranoid pictorial propganda, Jack T. Chick.
Happy 84th, Jack!
Oh, yeah, you say it's Jack's birthday? It's my birthday, too.
And when the Ides of April are upon us, that can mean only one thing: it's the birthday of that prolific purveyor of paranoid pictorial propganda, Jack T. Chick.
Happy 84th, Jack!
Oh, yeah, you say it's Jack's birthday? It's my birthday, too.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Hot Chicks Review (Which Is Not At All Like A Hot Chicks Revue)
I’ve had a few people leaving comments on older posts encouraging me to check out http://www.316now.com/ in order to learn about the short films based on Chick Tracts that are collectively known as Hot Chicks.
I am, of course, aware of the site and the films, and, in fact, have made my “donation” and received my “free gift” of a DVD containing all nine films.
(I put the quotes in because while for all intents and purposes I bought the DVD from them, calling the purchase price a “donation,” and calling the DVD a “free gift” helps them get around copyright issues.)
Prior to the loss of my Internet connection I had intended to post a review of the DVD, but never got around to it. I suppose that now is as good a time as any.
The nine short films are based on the following tracts: Bewitched, La Princesita (The Little Princess – they went with the Spanish language version of the tract for some reason, despite the fact that the film is mostly in English), Doom Town, Titanic, Angels?, Wounded Children (I’ve posted the YouTube videos of this one), Party Girl, Cleo, and Somebody Goofed.
Overall I enjoyed the film adaptations of these classic tracts, though I have some personal “favorites” among the tracts that I would have rather seen adapted than some of the ones that were. I would much rather have seen Dark Dungeons, or The Nervous Witch adapted to the screen than Cleo, which I’ve always thought to be one of Jack’s weaker pieces.
Some animated versions (a la Peanuts) of the Lil Susy tracts would have also been welcome additions.
Also, while sub-porno production values and performances are totally in keeping with the quality of Jack’s work, it would have been a bold choice to produce an entirely earnest, well-acted, and well-budgeted version of one of the tracts. Playing it with a totally straight face and an apparent reverence for the source material would have made the end result that much funnier, I think.
Even so, there were many bright spots on the DVD, not the least of which was the appearance of French Stewart as the Devil in Party Girl (“Bye-bye Jill; I win again!”)
Being an uninteresting tract, Cleo, naturally, was an uninteresting short film.
Titanic had a lot of potential, consisting of scenes from the blockbuster movie of the same name overdubbed with dialogue from the tract. In theory, this was a great idea; in practice it fell short. However, it did have its redeeming points, such as the scene of people falling to their deaths as the front half of the ship heaves up and begins to sink, each one yelling something like “I accept Jesus Christ as my personal saviorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
The scenes of Hell, which were taken from Jack’s own move, The Light of the World (a review of which, I promise, I will one day post), were very effectively disturbing, particularly with the choice in music. I had not previously known that Tori Amos had recorded a cover of the classic Slayer song Rain In Blood before hearing it in Titanic.
I have to say, it’s a far spookier song when she sings it.
The same people who made Titanic also made Somebody Goofed, which was far more effective than their first effort. By taking the actual artwork from the tract and animating it, having no spoken dialogue and instead opting to include the word balloons from the tract, and through an effective choice in mood-setting music, they managed to create something that I’d have to describe as hauntingly beautiful, and somewhat reminiscent of the work of Dave McKean.
Words can’t really do this one justice, but, sadly, it doesn’t appear to be available on YouTube.
Doom Town was played with a little too much camp, and, in some way that I can’t quite articulate, the wrong kind of camp. And while I can understand why the people behind it made the decision to do so, I really wish they hadn’t used footage from 9/11 to depict the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could easily go the rest of my life without having to see that again.
In fairness, though, the scenes of people acting out the laundry list of sins that were committed in those doomed cities were entertaining, but where was the big hairy pederast telling the kid “It’s that time Again!” which is one of the most famous (or perhaps infamous) scenes from the titular tract?
Wounded Children is probably my favorite of the bunch, having the right amount – and the right kind – of campy content, though to be perfect, it would have featured Will Arnett, of Arrested Development and the upcoming The Brothers Solomon fame, in the role of the demon. Of course, I only say that because the guy playing the demon – who, in fairness, did an excellent job – sounded so much like him.
La Princesita and Bewitched also hit all of the right campy notes, and all are acted, appropriately, with a great deal of enthusiasm and high school play levels of acting ability.
Ultimately, the content of the DVD was worth the cost of the “donation,” and I hope that others will pick up the gauntlet thrown down by Hot Chicks and bring even more tracts to life.
For those looking for more Chick action, check out Enter The Jabberwock, a site that regularly features hilarious dissections of Chick Tracts.
And of course, all of the tracts that are still in print can be found at the Chick Publications Official Site.
I am, of course, aware of the site and the films, and, in fact, have made my “donation” and received my “free gift” of a DVD containing all nine films.
(I put the quotes in because while for all intents and purposes I bought the DVD from them, calling the purchase price a “donation,” and calling the DVD a “free gift” helps them get around copyright issues.)
Prior to the loss of my Internet connection I had intended to post a review of the DVD, but never got around to it. I suppose that now is as good a time as any.
The nine short films are based on the following tracts: Bewitched, La Princesita (The Little Princess – they went with the Spanish language version of the tract for some reason, despite the fact that the film is mostly in English), Doom Town, Titanic, Angels?, Wounded Children (I’ve posted the YouTube videos of this one), Party Girl, Cleo, and Somebody Goofed.
Overall I enjoyed the film adaptations of these classic tracts, though I have some personal “favorites” among the tracts that I would have rather seen adapted than some of the ones that were. I would much rather have seen Dark Dungeons, or The Nervous Witch adapted to the screen than Cleo, which I’ve always thought to be one of Jack’s weaker pieces.
Some animated versions (a la Peanuts) of the Lil Susy tracts would have also been welcome additions.
Also, while sub-porno production values and performances are totally in keeping with the quality of Jack’s work, it would have been a bold choice to produce an entirely earnest, well-acted, and well-budgeted version of one of the tracts. Playing it with a totally straight face and an apparent reverence for the source material would have made the end result that much funnier, I think.
Even so, there were many bright spots on the DVD, not the least of which was the appearance of French Stewart as the Devil in Party Girl (“Bye-bye Jill; I win again!”)
Being an uninteresting tract, Cleo, naturally, was an uninteresting short film.
Titanic had a lot of potential, consisting of scenes from the blockbuster movie of the same name overdubbed with dialogue from the tract. In theory, this was a great idea; in practice it fell short. However, it did have its redeeming points, such as the scene of people falling to their deaths as the front half of the ship heaves up and begins to sink, each one yelling something like “I accept Jesus Christ as my personal saviorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
The scenes of Hell, which were taken from Jack’s own move, The Light of the World (a review of which, I promise, I will one day post), were very effectively disturbing, particularly with the choice in music. I had not previously known that Tori Amos had recorded a cover of the classic Slayer song Rain In Blood before hearing it in Titanic.
I have to say, it’s a far spookier song when she sings it.
The same people who made Titanic also made Somebody Goofed, which was far more effective than their first effort. By taking the actual artwork from the tract and animating it, having no spoken dialogue and instead opting to include the word balloons from the tract, and through an effective choice in mood-setting music, they managed to create something that I’d have to describe as hauntingly beautiful, and somewhat reminiscent of the work of Dave McKean.
Words can’t really do this one justice, but, sadly, it doesn’t appear to be available on YouTube.
Doom Town was played with a little too much camp, and, in some way that I can’t quite articulate, the wrong kind of camp. And while I can understand why the people behind it made the decision to do so, I really wish they hadn’t used footage from 9/11 to depict the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could easily go the rest of my life without having to see that again.
In fairness, though, the scenes of people acting out the laundry list of sins that were committed in those doomed cities were entertaining, but where was the big hairy pederast telling the kid “It’s that time Again!” which is one of the most famous (or perhaps infamous) scenes from the titular tract?
Wounded Children is probably my favorite of the bunch, having the right amount – and the right kind – of campy content, though to be perfect, it would have featured Will Arnett, of Arrested Development and the upcoming The Brothers Solomon fame, in the role of the demon. Of course, I only say that because the guy playing the demon – who, in fairness, did an excellent job – sounded so much like him.
La Princesita and Bewitched also hit all of the right campy notes, and all are acted, appropriately, with a great deal of enthusiasm and high school play levels of acting ability.
Ultimately, the content of the DVD was worth the cost of the “donation,” and I hope that others will pick up the gauntlet thrown down by Hot Chicks and bring even more tracts to life.
For those looking for more Chick action, check out Enter The Jabberwock, a site that regularly features hilarious dissections of Chick Tracts.
And of course, all of the tracts that are still in print can be found at the Chick Publications Official Site.
Monday, July 09, 2007
New Chick Section
If you look over to the right you'll see that I've added a new section for Jack T. Chick Links, with links to various sites related to everyone's favorite fundamentalist propagandist.
There are a lot more Chick-related links that I could put there, but I find these to be the most useful, entertaining, and noteworthy, and most of the other links can be found on his Wikipedia page anyway.
However, here is one that's worth noting here, anyway: The Face of Chick?
The short film based on the Chick Tract Wounded Children that is part of the film Hot Chicks is available in two segments on YouTube, so I thought I should include those as well.
Here they are (slightly NSFW):
Part One
Part Two
Some of you may wonder why I'm so endlessly fascinated by Jack and his world, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure.
I suppose it's in part that I find his work and worldview both profoundly silly and monumentally terrifying at the same time.
The narrow and naive simplicity of his theology is laughable, but the fact that he apparently believes it so completely and that there are so many others who believe as he does, many of whom make laws and hold positions of considerable authority in this country, is frightening.
Throw in the childlish art (except when done by "ghost artist" Fred Carter) and ridiculous plots of the Tracts themselves, and, much like with cheesy B-movies, I find myself powerless to resist, despite my better judgment.
Also, I do have to admire - to a very limited extent - his dedication, and the fact that, while it's not one I understand, he has been living his dream for decades.
His crazy, hateful, paranoid, and endlessly entertaining dream.
In any case, the links are there for you to use as you will.
There are a lot more Chick-related links that I could put there, but I find these to be the most useful, entertaining, and noteworthy, and most of the other links can be found on his Wikipedia page anyway.
However, here is one that's worth noting here, anyway: The Face of Chick?
The short film based on the Chick Tract Wounded Children that is part of the film Hot Chicks is available in two segments on YouTube, so I thought I should include those as well.
Here they are (slightly NSFW):
Part One
Part Two
Some of you may wonder why I'm so endlessly fascinated by Jack and his world, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure.
I suppose it's in part that I find his work and worldview both profoundly silly and monumentally terrifying at the same time.
The narrow and naive simplicity of his theology is laughable, but the fact that he apparently believes it so completely and that there are so many others who believe as he does, many of whom make laws and hold positions of considerable authority in this country, is frightening.
Throw in the childlish art (except when done by "ghost artist" Fred Carter) and ridiculous plots of the Tracts themselves, and, much like with cheesy B-movies, I find myself powerless to resist, despite my better judgment.
Also, I do have to admire - to a very limited extent - his dedication, and the fact that, while it's not one I understand, he has been living his dream for decades.
His crazy, hateful, paranoid, and endlessly entertaining dream.
In any case, the links are there for you to use as you will.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Hot Chicks!
So apparently some people made a live-action movie based on nine Chick tracts:
Hot Chicks
I'm not sure I have any choice but to buy the DVD.
Hot Chicks
I'm not sure I have any choice but to buy the DVD.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Happy Birthday, Jack!
First and foremost, happy birthday to the one and only Jack T. Chick, creator of those ubiquitous pieces of evangelical Christian fire and brimstone sermons condensed into sequential art, the world famous Chick Tract.
A Chick Tract is like an old-fashioned tent revival that you can carry in your pocket and pass on to some disgusting hobo or misguided liberal and set him on the path to righteousness.
Jack is 83 years young today and has been spreading intolerance and bigotry in the guise of “old-fashioned values” via his tracts for more than 40 years.
So here’s hoping you have a good one, Jack, and I hope that as you blow out the candles on your cake you’ll remember that there’s no amount of wishing or a breeze strong enough that can but out the flames of the Lake of Fire where Catholics, Mormons, Masons, Wiccans, Homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses, fans of Harry Potter, D&D enthusiast, rock musicians, and just about everyone who doesn’t adhere to your narrow, retarded view of how life should be lived will be spending their respective eternities.
After all, isn’t that vision the best birthday present of all?
Short of the Rapture, I mean.
Oh, and Jack? You say it’s your birthday? It’s my birthday, too!
Yes, that’s right, today, as most of you know, is my birthday.
What? No, you flatter me! I’m not 20, I’m 35, though I could see how you could easily make the mistake.
…
Okay, screw you; my hair started going gray when I was 21, all right?
So far to celebrate the anniversary of my birth I’ve had breakfast with Kathleen (still trying to figure out if the 20 minutes I spent in the parking lot waiting for her to arrive were meant to be my present), talking to my mother, and taking in a matinee of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters.
Apparently school is out today, because, you know, why wouldn’t it be, so I had a bunch of noisy teens to keep me company. Fortunately they weren’t too disruptive.
Not that it mattered because it’s not like the movie had any sort of plot to follow. I mean, it was Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Who expects a plot?
Still, the opening “homage” to the whole “Let’s go out to the lobby” thing was easily worth the price of admission.
From there I headed towards home trying to decide whether I wanted to stop somewhere for lunch or just go home. I picked the latter, and the Universe decide to make up for yesterday’s largesse with the green arrow by trapping me behind a dump truck for much of the drive. And not just any dump truck, a dump truck that was behind a cement truck.
It is my birthday, after all, so just an ordinary old dump truck would never do.
Thanks, Universe!
In any case, there are some things I should attend to, but I thought I’d just extend my birthday wishes to Jack, and let you know that so far I’ve spent the first day of my 35th year having a platonic breakfast with someone else’s wife and watching a cartoon with a bunch of teenagers.
Oh, and finding out that I’m probably going to be moving, but I’ll talk more about that later.
A Chick Tract is like an old-fashioned tent revival that you can carry in your pocket and pass on to some disgusting hobo or misguided liberal and set him on the path to righteousness.
Jack is 83 years young today and has been spreading intolerance and bigotry in the guise of “old-fashioned values” via his tracts for more than 40 years.
So here’s hoping you have a good one, Jack, and I hope that as you blow out the candles on your cake you’ll remember that there’s no amount of wishing or a breeze strong enough that can but out the flames of the Lake of Fire where Catholics, Mormons, Masons, Wiccans, Homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses, fans of Harry Potter, D&D enthusiast, rock musicians, and just about everyone who doesn’t adhere to your narrow, retarded view of how life should be lived will be spending their respective eternities.
After all, isn’t that vision the best birthday present of all?
Short of the Rapture, I mean.
Oh, and Jack? You say it’s your birthday? It’s my birthday, too!
Yes, that’s right, today, as most of you know, is my birthday.
What? No, you flatter me! I’m not 20, I’m 35, though I could see how you could easily make the mistake.
…
Okay, screw you; my hair started going gray when I was 21, all right?
So far to celebrate the anniversary of my birth I’ve had breakfast with Kathleen (still trying to figure out if the 20 minutes I spent in the parking lot waiting for her to arrive were meant to be my present), talking to my mother, and taking in a matinee of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters.
Apparently school is out today, because, you know, why wouldn’t it be, so I had a bunch of noisy teens to keep me company. Fortunately they weren’t too disruptive.
Not that it mattered because it’s not like the movie had any sort of plot to follow. I mean, it was Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Who expects a plot?
Still, the opening “homage” to the whole “Let’s go out to the lobby” thing was easily worth the price of admission.
From there I headed towards home trying to decide whether I wanted to stop somewhere for lunch or just go home. I picked the latter, and the Universe decide to make up for yesterday’s largesse with the green arrow by trapping me behind a dump truck for much of the drive. And not just any dump truck, a dump truck that was behind a cement truck.
It is my birthday, after all, so just an ordinary old dump truck would never do.
Thanks, Universe!
In any case, there are some things I should attend to, but I thought I’d just extend my birthday wishes to Jack, and let you know that so far I’ve spent the first day of my 35th year having a platonic breakfast with someone else’s wife and watching a cartoon with a bunch of teenagers.
Oh, and finding out that I’m probably going to be moving, but I’ll talk more about that later.
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