Hatred? Yeah, I've Got That In Bulk.

The one area in which I vastly differ from writer/producer/blogger/man of many metaphorical hats Mark Evanier involves my feelings about Costco.

Mark Evanier is for it. I'm agin it.

And yes,that is clearly the only way in which we differ. In all other respects we're virtually identical.

Or, you know, not.

Still, he's an interesting guy who's led an interesting life, and has had a variety of interesting jobs, but while I have a great deal of respect for him and what he's achieved, I have to very respectfully disagree with him when it comes to his appreciation for the popular chain of wholesale stores.

"But Jon, what do you have against Costco?"

I'm glad that I imagined that you asked, and will now proceed to list the reasons.

Membership Doesn't Have Its Privileges

You have to pay an annual fee in order to be able to shop at Costco. This annoys me. Why? It just does. It's not like you really get anything in exchange for your membership fee other than simply being allowed to walk into the place and buy stuff. Wow, I'm a member of the elite!

Credits And Debits

Like millions of people the world over I have a debit/credit card for my checking account. It's a tremendously convenient aspect of modern life. At most of the places that I shop I use the "credit" option. After all, my bank is rather ubiquitous, so it's not difficult to find an ATM if I need cash, and the only advantage I can see to using the debit option is if you want to get cash back at the register. Given that at most places you actually get charged a fee for using the debit option, it's credit all the way for me. Except at Costco, which does not accept most major credit cards and requires you to use the debit option for your check card.

Savings? Really?

I don't really see the major savings involved in shopping at Costco, though that may be because I'm just...(looks around and counts) one man. Apart from a few household items and some non-perishable (or at least things that have a long shelf life), there aren't a lot of things that I need in bulk. Bulk amounts of food would languish uneaten in my house. So there aren't a lot of things that I buy large enough quantities of in the course of my life to really make Costco's bulk pricing add up to any significant savings. In fact, with the added costs of membership and debit fees, I might not be saving at all, especially since the unit prices really aren't that much cheaper than I could find at other places. Occasionally I'll see a really good deal on something, but most of the time, meh. And I don't understand the people who claim that major electronics are so much cheaper there than they are elsewhere. That's just a bald-faced lie, and if you say it, your face is bald and you're a liar.

Your Papers Please

I hate to Godwin the place, but every time I go to Costco I find myself imagining some jackbooted officer of the SS asking me for my papers when I have to - inconsistently; the people lurking at the entrance don't always look for it - hold up my membership card as I push the over-sized novelty shopping cart in through the entrance. It's even more annoying when I'm finally getting the hell out and I'm stopped so that my receipt can be examined and marked before I'm allowed to walk out the door. There's a sign on the wall that explains why this is being done. The sign says that it's to ensure that I didn't pay for something that I don't have, that I didn't get overcharged, and to prevent the receipt's "reuse." First question: how the fuck am I going to "reuse" a receipt? I realize that this is a loss-prevention tactic - they don't want me sneaking back in, grabbing another package of cheap socks, then idly strolling out the door without paying while waving my receipt and saying, "Hey, I paid for these socks, see?" Even so, the phrasing is just stupid. Also, do you really give a rat's ass if I paid too much for something? I think not.

The worst part is that, much like many Walmart "greeters" who stand there in stony silence, a good percentage of the receipt-checkers don't check shit. They just put their mark on the receipt and send you on your way. If that was all you were going to do, why not just let me keep going in the first place?

The Spice Of Life? Oh, We Don't Carry That

Another thing that really annoys me is the lack of variety. You can get a lot of a few things, but not some of a lot of things. There are a lot of things that I would buy in bulk - Sugar Free Rockstar, for example - if I could, even if I weren't getting significant savings, but I can't do so because Costco doesn't sell them. And some of the things I do buy come in assorted varieties that tend to favor the varieties I like least. So I end up with a lot of something I like, and even more of something that I don't, and that's the only way I can get a lot of the thing that I do like.

Hey Now, Hey Now...

I actually went to Costco today - which prompted this rant - because I had a doctor's appointment this morning and was working from home and I usually take advantage of having some time away from the office on weekday mornings to go to places that are inaccessible on weekends and evenings.

While I was waiting for my appointment with the doctor, Don't Stop Believing came on the office radio, which, of course, made me think of Family Guy. ("Is that Journey? That is Journey!")

That song has a strange effect on people. Most everyone there waiting started singing and humming along, or nodding their heads to the rhythm. It was still playing when I was brought back to the exam room, and even my nurse was humming along as she entered my vitals into the computer.

I only mention this because it amuses me, though it does start, eventually, to lead me to my final point. As I was at the counter making my next appointment and taking care of my co-pay, the song Don't Dream It's Over came on the radio, a song performed by Crowded House, and, after I left the doctor's office and headed to Costco, a crowded house is exactly what I walked into.

It wasn't as bad as it would be during the evening or on a weekend, but seriously, the place doesn't even open until 10, and it was only 10:10 when I got there, yet it was already packed full of people.

"Well if you hate it so much, why do you go there at all?"

Listen you smarmy bastards, if I'm going to imagine you asking questions, you damn sure better imaginatively be respectful. No one appreciates wise asses who think they're being clever by snarkily asking obvious questions.

I go there because while it doesn't have as wide a variety of things as I would like in many cases, there are things that I can use that can be purchased in bulk, some of which actually do save me some amount of money. I don't go there often, I go there only when it's least likely to be insanely crowded, I only go there after having mentally prepared myself for the awfulness of it, and I get out as quickly as I possibly can.

Also, I can get huge packages of blueberries. (Which I have to try to avoid eating in one sitting as soon as I get home.)

*****

Speaking of my doctor's appointment, the doctor recommended that, starting tomorrow, I cut back from taking my medication twice a day to taking it only once a day. The drawback is that I have to test my blood a little more frequently for a while to ensure that my sugar levels don't get out of whack.

Ideally, the endgame is for me to be off medication entirely, and at this point, it looks like I'm well on my way towards that.

I also learned that the key to my frustration regarding my post-workout sugar levels is patience. (It's always patience. Fucking patience.) Apparently I'd be better served to wait a while longer after working out to check my sugar, as the increased activity causes things to spike, and if I waited a while longer before checking they would most likely drop back down.

Evidently, years back, they did a test on some people competing in the Boston Marathon. They checked their sugar levels before the marathon, then checked them again as soon as they crossed the finish line. The second test showed their levels being way up, especially considering that these were people who weren't diabetics. However, they checked them again a half hour later and found that they were actually low or normal.

So...patience. Dammit.

Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

Legendary fantasy artist Frank Frazetta has died at the age of 82. I'll post a link to the inevitable obit on Mark Evanier's blog once it's up.

Update: Here's what Mark Evanier has to say.

As for what I have to say on the subject, given his talent and the kind of work he did, obviously I admired Frazetta a great deal, and I'm saddened by the loss.

Update 2: Comics Should Be Good has a great tribute with some of his old Warren magazine covers (which, much to my shame, I'd forgotten about).

Posted Without Comment

(Found via Mark Evanier's blog)

Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer

(Via Mark Evanier's blog)

The "Let's Reuild Len Wein's Comic Book Collection" Project

Len Wein, who has created or co-created such comic book characters as Swamp Thing, and a little-known Canadian mutant called Wolverine, and was the editor of Watchmen, recently survived a house fire. That he survived is the good news, but there's plenty of bad news - it was a house fire, after all - most notable of which is the loss of his collection of the comics he's worked on.
Thus, some of his friends, fans, and colleagues have decided to try to help him replace his collection.
If you want to help out, here's some information and links related to the project:

Don't Stop The MADness

Mark Evanier reports that MAD Magazine is scaling back production and cutting staff, and that the end may be near.
In recent years I've picked up copies of MAD that I found lying around - someone in the NOC at AOL had a subscription and would leave them in the break room - but it's probably been close to 25 years since I read it with any regularity.
I don't think there was any particular reason that I stopped reading MAD - though I suspect that money was an issue; comic book prices kept increasing so some things had to be dropped - and I'll always have fond memories of the magazine. After all, and this is probably incredibly revelatory to anyone interested in that sort of thing, my view of the world and of life, and certainly my sense of humor, were very much informed by MAD magazine.
Before the rise of the VCR, my access to movies was fairly limited, so the parodies that ran in MAD (and, to a lesser extent, in Cracked, and an even lesser extent in Crazy, which was published by Marvel) were often my only exposure to some of the more prominent movies.
So, even though I haven't been a regular reader for a very long time, I still think it would be a damn shame if the magazine went under.

Does This Excite You? Not Really, But The Monty Python Thing Is Cool

I didn’t get much sleep last night – seriously, if someone out there has a Voodoo fetish doll of me and is sticking it with pins when I’m trying to sleep, knock it the hell off – so the odds that I’ll post anything coherent or in any way meaningful are even worse than they are when I’m well-rested.
So, in lieu of an actual post, please to enjoy the following video clips.

Does this excite you? No, but it does make me laugh (and kind of skeeves me out):


(Found via a comment thread at Slacktivist)

Note how bored the guy playing the organ looks, and watch for the little blonde kid who clearly can’t believe what he’s seeing during the seemingly impromptu musical number.
Whenever I hear/read about “glorified bodies,” I always picture people who look like the not-quite finished clones of Hank and Dean on The Venture Bros:

Also, I don’t really view losing my junk and turning into a Ken doll as “glorified.”
BTW, in the Left Behind books it’s stated that everyone in a glorified body is set physically at the age of 32 or 33. Sure, that’s a plus if you’re 60, but what if you’re, say, 21?

Why I love Monty Python:



(Found via Mark Evanier’s blog)

And finally, you had to know that the final Bush-era episode of The Daily Show would have some great moments. Watch the full episode here.

For Every Centimeter Of Snow The Level Of Panic Increases Exponentially

So this morning this...



...added an extra five minutes to my drive to work as people gave in to raw panic and apparently believed that the rule of law and the very foundations of society had collapsed. After all, there was snow.
Sure, there was no snow on the perfectly-dry roads, but there was snow on the ground and on cars, therefore it was time to panic.
Meanwhile, back where I grew up, it looks like this, and I'm sure that life is moving at its usual pace.
On an unrelated note, Ricardo Montalban, probably most known to the world for his work on Fantasy Island, but best known to nerds as Khan from Star Trek, has died. As usual, Mark Evanier has the best obituary.

Quick Shots

Too lazy for a regular post, so please accept these assorted links.

"K" is for "Kirby"
The Jack Kirby Alphabet
(Found via Mark Evanier's blog)

Everyone knows that girls can't animate, especially Uncle Walt
or
More like Walt Dickney
Walt Disney rejection letter to an aspiring female animaor from 1938
(Another one from Mark Evanier)

Not for the faint of heart, but often funny
The 50 Most Loathsome People of 2008
(Currently throwing a 503 error; found via Pharyngula)

It's not the Longbox, but it'll do
Welcome back, Dave Campbell!
(Found via The Invincible Super Blog)

...and other elements that are not suitable for children under 16 years of age
Robot Chicken Humping Robot!
(Found via Topless Robot...wow, that's a lot of use of the word "robot.")

Quick Shots

Pin-Up Queen Bettie Page dead at 85
This made me sad, if for no other reason than that she served as the inspiration for so much beautiful artwork by so many talented artists. One of those talented artists was the late and much-lamented Dave Stevens, whose comic, The Rocketeer, featured a character based on Ms. Page. There's a brief mention of The Rocketeer in the Reuters obituary linked above, but no mention of the fact that Dave Stevens was, in her later life, after her re-emergence from anonymity, her friend and sometime caretaker, and did what he could to help her get her fair share of the money others had made off of her image. Mark Evanier's blog, which is really the place to go for obituaries - among many other things; I realize it seems like a back-handed compliment, but the obits generally are more informative, and often much more personal - has a few interesting anecdotes about Stevens' relationship with the legendary pin-up.
The movie based on her life - The Notorious Bettie Page - was fun and entertaining, and it featured an often-nude Gretchen Mol, in the title role, which is never a bad thing. I remain eternally grateful that the producers passed on Liv Tyler, who was at one time reported to be up for the role.

Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats H0000....ly Shit! WTF????
One of the features of the site Topless Robot is Fan Fiction Friday (FFF), in which TR culls the Web for some of the weirdest and most twisted fan-written fiction that can be found. And trust me, there has been some really weird stuff featured, but I think the latest featured bit of fan work is by far the strangest I've seen, and that's including the Harry Potter/Dragonball Z mpreg slash fiction. I can't even begin to explain it, so I recommend that you see for yourself.
People tell me that there actually is decent, well-written, and non-bug fuck insane fan fiction to be found on the Web, and I'm sure that's true, but even if I were interested in finding it, I don't think my soul could take wading through the rest of it to do so. Just the snippets I read in FFF is doing enough damage to it, thanks.

New Watchmen International Trailer
This seems vaguely spoilery to me, but I'm not sure that it actually is unless you're familiar with the comic, in which case you already know what's going to happen, so...
In any case, it certainly is nice to look at, and, however reluctantly, I find myself getting more and more excited about the movie.



Bonus: Footage shown at the San Diego Comic-Con:

Not Just By The Numb3rs

Lately, owing to the fact that so far NBC has not brought back Law & Order – perhaps a result of the need to deal with the loss of presidential candidate Fred Thompson as a cast member – I’ve been watching that show Numb3rs on Friday nights.
(As an aside, a recent episode of SVU revealed that Jack McCoy has moved into the big office and is now the DA in the Law & Orderverse.)
I’ve watched the show off and on for the past few years, and it’s actually pretty decent, in a geeky sort of way.
Last night’s episode, though, upped the geek ante, as it centered around comic books.
Once I found out what the show was going to be about I was a bit wary, as, despite the tremendous success of movies based on comic book properties – and the great treatment comics just received on The Simpsons – Hollywood has a tendency to seriously mishandle stories centering around comics and comic fandom.
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised, and that, except for a few clichéd representation of fanboy stereotypes, the overall tone was fairly respectful.
As always, it pleased me to see (well-researched) references to some of the more obscure comic characters, though it might have been nice to see some more DC characters getting some love.
I also liked the fact that the story was built around something that is an all-too common reality in the comics industry: legendary creators of failing health and limited financial means. There are far too many iconic creators who have fallen on hard times, so it was good to see this brought to life, though I would have liked to have seen a little more in the way of exploring why said creators have fallen on hard times. The primary reason? They got totally screwed by the companies that they did so much great work for during their careers as creators.
Still, that quibble (and another one that I’ll get to shortly) aside, I found myself wondering just how much research was done and who, if anyone, they talked to in the industry, as there were a lot of obvious analogues to the real comic personalities, such as the character portrayed by Wil Wheaton (a real-life geek), who was very clearly patterned after Todd McFarlane.
Being the target of a lot of fanboy antipathy himself (I mean, who didn’t hate Wesley Crusher?), I’m sure Wheaton had a blast playing the role of someone vilified by fans.
The relationship between the ailing creator – played by Christopher Lloyd, who had a great moment of meta-humor when series regular Judd Hirsch said to him, “I have a hard time picturing you as a hippie.” – and a much younger comics writer/artist seemed to be very much informed by the relationship between Jack “King” Kirby and his official historian Mark Evanier.
Anyway, it was a surprisingly fun episode that set a pretty high bar for any future handling of geek culture on TV and in the movies.
My only other quibble with the show as a statement made on how the value of a comic as a collectible is determined. The factors listed were rarity, age, and condition.
That’s most of the story, but I would submit that there is one other factor: significance.
Sure, pretty much any rare and old comic in near mint condition is likely to command a high price, but it’s the old, rare, and significant comics whose prices shoot through the roof. Action Comics #1 isn’t valuable just because it’s old and rare, but because it’s also the first appearance of Superman. The same goes for Detective Comics #27, which features the first appearance of Batman, or Amazing Fantasy #15, which gives us the first appearance of Spider-Man.
But I suppose that, all things considered, I can forgive them for this omission in their theory on the value of collectible comics.
It’s more than what the stereotypical comic fanboy geek would do, but I would say they earned it by producing a quality episode that dealt with a subject near and dear to my heart.

Murder: A Matter Of Successful Time Management

Mark Evanier, who has done a lot of work in comics and TV, and who is widely regarded as something of an expert on Jack "King" Kirby (He’s even written a book about Kirby, as you can see here. Warning: Early Birthday Present Suggestion Alert), has a blog that is entertaining and full of interesting (to me, at least) “behind the scenes” tidbits about the history of comics.
In one of his most recent posts he discusses the Phil Spector trial. He’s stated that if Spector is found innocent he (Evanier) will go on a killing spree, as such a verdict would prove that anyone in show business can get away with murder.
He lists off the relatively small number of people he will target, elucidating his reasons for including them, and then goes on to complain about how long it’s taking the jury to reach a verdict:

But here's the problem. If there's no verdict today, there might be one tomorrow...which would mean the ideal time to start my killing spree would be Saturday. Trouble is, I have plans for the weekend. I can't spare the time to murder three people. I could maybe squeeze in one but what kind of killing spree is that? Wouldn't even make the tabloids. And then Monday and Tuesday, I have meetings all day so that won't work.

Ah yes, the eternal struggle to find the time to kill all of the people on your list.