It's Probably Milhouse

Every so often I catch a glimpse of a large-ish animal in my backyard. It’s bigger than a cat, but smaller than most dogs.
When I see it, it’s typically running away from my house and hiding under my storage shed. Yesterday I got a slightly better look at it, and I think it may be a badger.
I know that they can apparently be vicious and dangerous, but this one doesn’t seem particularly aggressive, as it runs away as soon as I even start to open the back door. I’m not sure what it’s doing by my house, but, as they apparently eat insects, I suspect it’s munching on the crickets that keep making their way onto my patio and then lying around dying, as the amounts of insecticide I’ve sprayed around the area has made it extremely toxic.
I’m not sure that I need to do anything about it, as I can’t see that it’s causing any harm, and apparently they eat squirrels, which is a plus as far as I’m concerned, and, even better, they also eat snakes.
So unless it starts to prove to be a problem, I’m kind of thinking, “Go badger!” Or rather, don’t go, depending on how you want to look at it.
The title of this post, by the way, refers to an episode of The Simpsons in which Bart discovers that a badger has moved into their doghouse. When Bart informs Homer of this, Homer responds, “Badger my ass! It’s probably Milhouse.”
I tried to find a clip, but the only one I could find was posted by someone who decided to dub music over it and then speed it up to two times the playback speed.
When it comes to comments on YouTube, I’m generally in agreement with XKCD, but I’m pretty much supporting the one commenter on the video who said, “Why did you do this? It’s amazingly stupid.”
The whole badger thing has made me really miss my friend Betts, as that was one of his favorite episodes of The Simpsons, and I know that if I were to call him and say that I think there’s a badger in my backyard he would, without even pausing to think about it, respond with Homer’s line.
*Sigh*
Today I had to get up and talk to a bunch of new hires in the NOC who were going through the new hire training, explaining who I am, what I do, and how any of that relates to them.
I told them that my job is to goof off and eat candy, but in my free time I write process documentation and manage vendor relationships for the NOC.
I didn’t get any laughs, but I did at least get a free lunch out of it.
My mother is superstitious about the phrase “See you in the morning,” because when she was a kid she said that to her grandmother as she was going to bed, and sometime latert her grandmother fell and broke something (her collarbone, I think), so my mom actually didn’t see her in the morning.
In a similar vein, I’m kind of superstitious about having to explain what I do to people.
When I was working in a desktop publishing job in Red Wing, a local high school graphic design class came to tour the paper where I worked. The group came around to my area and the teacher began asking questions, questions that were specifically intended to demonstrate to the class just how important it is to get a degree in graphic design if they wanted to work in the field. He was kind of offended when I told him that my degree was in English, and essentially asked, “Well, what are you doing here then?”
Before I could answer, my boss came around and provided an explanation for why I’d been hired (my demonstrated ability to work fast and my experience in laying out large documents).
The next day I got fired.
I know that there’s no connection between explaining what I do/justifying my employment, but I can’t help but be a little wary when I’m asked to do so.
Anyway, I have no reason to suspect that I’ll no longer be among the ranks of the gainfully employed tomorrow, but
Even with the nap I ended up going to bed early last night and mostly sleeping through the night. This evening, for a change, I haven’t felt especially tired so far, so I’m hoping I can manage to stay awake until my preferred bedtime. We’ll see how that goes.
Earlier tonight I got a phone call from someone working for Dell looking for a “John Mack” who lives in “Leeburg.”
After correcting her, I decided to listen to her spiel rather than cutting her off, and I actually ended up accepting the offer. It’s basically a credit protection plan, which I would normally say “No thank you” to, but it’s fairly cheap and is only charged if you’re actually carrying a balance. Plus it comes with free replacement insurance for three years from the purchase date, even on existing purchases, so I didn’t really see the harm in accepting it.
And that’s pretty much been my day.

TV Is Devouring My Not-So Precious Time

I don’t understand how I can climb into bed utterly exhausted because I didn’t get enough sleep on the previous night and end up tossing and turning and getting even less sleep.
Well, I suppose the fact that I’m Jon is sufficient explanation.
I like the original Sci-Fi Channel series Eureka. In fact, before I finally got into Battlestar Galactica, it had been the only thing I watched on Sci-Fi.
This fact would, presumably, lead some to wonder why it was that when I was reminded by an ad on IMDb that season three starts tonight I would exclaim, “Goddammit!”Of course the explanation for this is that it’s yet another hour of my time that will be eaten up by watching TV, and with last night’s recorded episodes of The Closer (which was, as always, excellent; if you’re not watching this show, you should be), The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report, as well as the 7:00 episode of The Simpsons, I’ve already used up two and a half hours watching TV.
I guess I just have to content myself with the realization that it’s not as though I would do anything worthwhile with the time.

I Get Phone Calls? Department:
Saturday night, while watching TV (of course), I got a phone call, which is, as most of you know, unusual.
What made it even more unusual was that it was a recorded message – that isn’t the unusual part; most of the calls I get are recorded messages trying to sell something or other – from Pastor something or other of the “Hurricane Church.” First time I’ve ever gotten a call from someone shilling a church.
At least, I’m assuming that was what the recording was shilling; I hung up as soon as I heard the ending “ch” on “Church.”
Sunday night I was sitting at the computer when my phone rang. This time it was an actual person, in this case a woman. A woman who was chewing some food as she said, “Hey, is crunch crunch there?”
To which I responded, “I’m sorry, who?”
This netted me a sarcastic response of, “Your wife?” (It was preceded by that condescending “god-you’re-so-stupid” tongue clicking sound that chicks make when they want to make it clear that they think you’re a complete idiot and are, in every way, beneath contempt.)
“I don’t have one of those.”
“Oh, sorry I must have the wrong crunch crunch.”
Yesterday evening my phone rang once, then went silent. The call duration wasn’t even sufficient for my Caller ID to register the fact that I’d gotten a call.
A half an hour later it rang again.
When I answered, a young woman said, “Hello, my name is Allison, and I’m calling for [some survey company]. Let me assure you that this is not – ”
I said, “Let me assure you that I’m not going to listen.”
Well, I didn’t say it so much as I just hung up on her.
Earlier this evening my mother called, making it four nights in a row that I got a phone call. This may be a new record.

Today’s Popsicle Stick Wisdom:
I had two Popsicles earlier this evening, and the riddles on the sticks served as a reminder of the fact that the simplest solutions are often the most elegant. To wit:

What time is it when you’re out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.
What did the bug say when someone stepped on it? Nothing. Bugs can’t talk.

This is a noble truth that we forget all too often as we struggle with the complex issues that we face every day, and it serves to demonstrate the fact that Popsicles are the answer to all of life’s questions.