Conversations With My TV

When I watched The Simpsons Movie DVD the other night I discovered that I’d inadvertently bought the full screen version rather than the widescreen. D’oh!
I also learned that the first post-cancellation Futurama feature-length DVD is out, so now I need to pick up a copy of that as well.
Apart from being called a jerk that no one likes, my weekend was largely uneventful. I did the laundry today. That’s about as exciting as it got.
I did complete a picture – which I’ll be posting tomorrow – and was going to start working on another, but I got distracted this afternoon when I sat down to eat a late lunch and discovered that TLC was running a marathon of Property Ladder, so that ate up the rest of my day.
Sure, I’ve seen all of them before, many of them multiple times, but how could I say no to hours and hours of Kirsten Kemp? I couldn’t, that’s how (Even though, technically, I probably got under an hour of actual Kirsten time, as she’s only in each episode for like ten minutes.). And if I’d tried, I’m sure Mistress Kirsten would have disciplined me severely.
Property Ladder is one of those shows that invariably leads me to engage in a “conversation” with my TV.
This often takes the form of me saying things like, “See? You should have listened to Kirsten.” when the house-flippers run into trouble for not taking her advice. Or saying, “That’s what she does” when a formerly optimistic flipper has met with Kirsten and is talking about how she came along and viciously slapped down their hopeful attitudes with a dose of reality. But more often I’m engaged in conversations with the announcer that invariably go something like this:

Announcer: Want to make more money in a couple of months than you did all last year?
Me: Not as much as I want to get it on with Kirsten.
Announcer: Try climbing the Property Ladder!
Me: I’d rather try climbing Kirsten.
Announcer: Let’s see what Kirsten thinks about their progress.
Me: Let’s see what Kirsten is wearing.
Announcer: Now it’s Kirsten’s turn to check out the results.
Me: Now it’s my turn to check out Kirsten.

…and so forth.
(And no, my TV does not talk back to me.)
Now that I’m once again between jobs I’m back to being uncertain as to what day it is. I was convinced it was Monday when I woke up. I actually had to check the clock on my computer before I would believe that it was Sunday, not that it actually mattered. Every day is the same as any other for the next two weeks or so, then it’s back to an entirely different kind of salt mine than the ones I’ve been in for the past six years or so.
The five day work week is going to take some serious getting used to, but I will appreciate the shorter work days and things like having holidays off.
And, you know, not having to be in a dark, cold cave listening to people talking endlessly about WoW.
In the short time I spent in the actual NOC at the job I didn’t want, I actually ended up hearing lots of talk about raids and mages and dwarves and whatnot, though that was all interspersed with just slightly more sports babble than was present at AOL.
Either way, I’m glad to be out of there.
One thing that really bothered me about the job I didn’t want – apart from the job itself – was the fact that nothing there was free. I don’t drink coffee, but it bothered me to note that coffee from the machine had to be paid for, as that seems really chintzy. Worse, they didn’t even have a water cooler (or a water fountain, for that matter), so I actually had to buy water.
Sure, it’s cool that they actually have a little convenience store and, for the coffee drinkers, an actual Starbucks right in the building, but come on, you can’t even provide water and cheap coffee for free?
The whole time I was in the class we were often interrupted by the sound of construction of their new fitness center – the use of which will also not be free for employees.
When I got the voicemail on Thursday from the recruiter for the job that I want and now have, I immediately recognized her voice before she identified herself and got to the point of asking that I call her back as soon as I had a chance because she had “great news.”
When I did call her and she gave me the news, she asked if I was at the contract job. I said that I was, and she asked how that was going. When I said, “Meh,” she laughed and confidently stated “We’re better.”
She’ll be absolutely correct if they simply have a water cooler, as I am, as Brian once put it, a crazy water drinkin’ fool, but I’m sure there will be plenty of other things that make them better.
My Christmas present from my mom arrived yesterday. I already knew what it was (Wal-Mart gift card) so I opened it. Still haven’t gotten anything from my sister Kim, but I’m sure it’ll arrive tomorrow.
Last night Stacy called to invite me over for Christmas brunch on Tuesday, and she informed me that Scott has gotten me something “awesome.” Sadly, what I got for them is considerably less than awesome.
As I said in an earlier post, I pretty much punked out on buying Christmas presents this year.
Oh well, there’s always next year.

I Don’t Come To Your House And Make You Watch Porn Department:
One day shortly before I started working at the job that I didn’t want, I spotted some Jehovah’s Witnesses prowling around the neighborhood, so I shut everything off downstairs and headed up to the office, where I totally ignored the inevitable knock on my door.
After they gave up and went away, it occurred to me that in the future I should put my Evangelist Emergency Plan into effect. It’s an idea I’ve half-seriously considered for a while which could be perfectly executed now that I have the 42” LCD TV up on the wall.
The “plan” would consist entirely of having a porn DVD handy at all times so that I could put it playing before inviting the door-to-door God salesmen in.
And not just any porn, German porn.
If they complained, I would simply say, “You’re the ones who wanted to come in to my house; now you have to face the consequences. Besides, I don’t go around to other people’s houses asking the to watch porn, so don’t come into mine asking me not to watch.”
Of course, this would be needlessly cruel – and I’ve probably engaged in enough needless cruelty already – even though it would be funny (to me), so I suppose that hiding out in my office until they go away is the best option.
Besides, my HD DVD player takes forever to boot up (it has an OS built in), so it wouldn’t be that easy to have it ready unless I had advance notice that they were coming, which I normally don’t (this last time being a notable exception).