Seething Nerdly Hatred And Burning Nerdly Desires

Thinking a little more on the subject, it occurred to me that someone – someone other than me – if so inclined, could write a lengthy thesis on the gender politics of Revenge of the Nerds.
The main thing that this hypothetical person with even more time on his or her hands than I have and even less of life (if such a thing is possible) would be likely to conclude is that the nerdlier ranks of the male gender harbor some pretty deep-seated hostility towards women.
The basis for this hostility wouldn’t be hard to isolate – hey, rejection hurts – but I think that someone who has never considered it before would be surprised at just how much nerds hate women.
When I first began venturing out onto the Internet in the mid-90s, I know that I was amazed at the seething, white-hot hatred of women that was so apparent in message board postings and on personal Web sites. I never knew that there was such a strong vein of outright hatred of the opposite sex within the collective male psyche.
(In more than a decade, by the way, nothing has changed. At least not for the better.)
What was even more surprising was just how oblivious these nerds are to their own misogyny. Most of them would likely classify themselves as “nice guys,” if for no other reason than that they finished last.
Maybe once upon a time they were, but with bitterness having settled in, the nice guys would be difficult to uncover, if they’re even really there.
These are the sort of guys who might be heard to complain that, “Women only like jerks. They should like nice guys like me…the stupid bitches.”
(Of course I’m speaking in generalities: not all nerds hate women…and this sort of hatred is clearly not limited to nerds.)
In any case, my whole point is, beyond the rape and other acts of sexual assault, take a look at the role of women in Revenge of the Nerds, and the behavior of the nerds toward them. The nerds view women solely in terms of their own desires – I want her, therefore she should want me – and not as actualized beings complete in and of themselves.
Because they are only extensions of the nerds’ desires – consider the masturbatory nature of the relationship between Gilbert and his mirror-image nerd girlfriend Judy, who, because she is like them, is the only woman deserving of any kind of respect – it becomes acceptable to treat them with no more respect than they do the remote-controlled robot that cleans their frat house for them.
Okay, okay, I’m officially finished deconstructing a 20+ year old pointless movie.
However, on the topic of things that go back more than 20 years relating to nerds and sex, last night I saw that commercial for Veet or whatever brand of depilatory it is, that features Alyssa Milano and lots of shots of her legs. The first (well, I suppose you could argue that it’s the second, but I don’t think the first thing that comes to my mind necessarily qualifies as a thought) thing I thought, as I do every time I see the ad, is that they’ve done something to cover up her tattoos. I know she has at least one that goes around her ankle, but it’s nowhere to be seen in the commercial.
My next thought was the realization that I’ve wanted to bang Alyssa Milano for around 23 years now.
That’s like two-thirds of my life.
(I should mention that my wanting to bang her does not negate my recognition of the fact that she is an actualized being complete in and of herself and that she exists apart from my desires.)
Seriously, she’s the same age I am – a few months older, in fact – and by the time I was 12, which is when I would have first seen her on Who’s The Boss? I was definitely looking at cute girls my age (and older women, of course) and thinking “Awww yeeeahhhh.” Further, Alyssa Milano was pretty much what I imagined Kitty Pryde would look like in real life, so that definitely helped to solidify her position in my…well, let’s say “heart.”
(Other guys might say “spank bank,” but not me.)
Since that time she’s only gotten hotter, and my appreciation for her has never waned.
What is my point? Well, I guess I don’t really have one, but I just thought I should point out my realization that for more than two decades wanting to bang Alyssa Milano has been one of the few constants in my life.
Sad? Yes. Pathetic? Absolutely. Gross? I suppose. Crass? Duh.
Still, it is what it is.
So here’s to you – and your hotness – Alyssa, and to many more years of wanting to bang you!
Not much else has been going on in the life of Jon (yes, I know; that rhymes). I drove in to work for an hour-long training. I have another one tomorrow. It hardly seems worth it, until you consider that I can include travel time, so that actually works out to four hours of OT, which is a nice addition to last week’s holiday pay.
I also have to drop my car off at the shop tomorrow morning.
Monday I’m meeting with the finance guy to see if it’s possible to work out a loan that I can afford on that house I like. If not, it’s back to the drawing board to find something a little more affordable.
Still, it’s definitely worth looking into at this point because a. I really like it and b. the owner just took it off the market, which means that there’s a lot of opportunity to work out a favorable deal on it, as she still wants to sell it.
We’ll see what happens, I guess.