I don’t intend this to come off as bragging, but I know a lot of stuff.
After all, I’ve been on this planet for over 34 years and throughout most of that time I’ve had a habit of collecting bits of abstract information and stuffing them into my brain. Sometimes actively and deliberately, other times passively and unintentionally.
Beyond all of the information I have “on hand,” I’m also pretty skilled at finding stuff out through a variety of methods, though I must admit that these days I seldom make use of methods that don’t involve the Internet.
So the point is that I know a lot of stuff and what I don’t know I can generally find out.
Of course, there is infinitely more stuff out there that I don’t know, and much of it is impossible to discover through the means available to me, and even more of it I simply do not care enough to try to find out.
This post is about some of that stuff.
As I’ve mentioned many times before, among other things the traffic counting software I use here allows me to see what search engines, if applicable, referred people here, and exactly what they were searching for.
I begin to notice certain trends pretty quickly, such as the people who come here looking for information on a certain shitty soft-core porn movie involving prehistory, and I become conscious of how people are wasting their time coming here, as I don’t have the information they’re looking for and in a lot of cases I don’t even know where they can find it.
Based on some of the top traffic generators, I thought I would compile a list of things I don’t know anything about that people come here looking to learn about in the hopes that the text stating that “I don’t know the answer to your question about this” will come up in the search results.
In some cases, though, I will at least try to point people in the right direction.
Okay, first up, naturally, is Bikini Cavegirl, which is also known as Teenage Cavegirl.
I do not know – or care – whether or not the people in the movie were actually having sex. I don’t know anything about the personal lives of any of the actors or actresses, there are no pictures of any of them here, and you cannot download the movie from this site. If you really need information about it, though I cannot imagine why you would, look it up on IMDb or Wikipedia. If you want to download the movie illegally, check out Usenet or any of the P2P stuff out there. If you want to buy the movie, go to a site that sells movies.
All of that being said, it’s not a good movie even by shitty soft-core porn movie standards. The women in it aren’t really that hot and the story and acting are sub-Ed Wood level. It’s just that bad and is not worth wasting your time trying to find information on it or to purchase or download it.
Okay, next up, I don’t know if Giada De Laurentis is pregnant. Months ago I made a reference to the fact that she appeared to be wearing a maternity outfit on one episode of Everyday Italian that I watched. That’s the extent of what I know. This is not a celebrity gossip blog; I’m not likely to have that sort of information here and I’m not going to try to find it for you.
In a similar vein, I do not know the bra sizes of any celebrity. I get a lot of hits from people looking for this. Most commonly – because I do mention her, though not her bra size, which I imagine is substantial, frequently – I get hits from people looking for Carla Gugino’s. As I stated, because I don’t know any celebrity’s, I don’t know what Carla Gugino’s bra size is.
Similarly, I don’t know what Monica Keena’s bra size is either.
Sometimes IMDb biographies will list them (citing Celebrity Sleuth as a source), but not often. I don’t know where you can find this information otherwise. There is a site that has a list of sizes, but it is, apparently (per the discussion on Digg), inaccurate, and like many things on the Web has not been updated since 1995 (it probably was created on a BBS or something and simply migrated to the Web unchanged) and does not, consequently, list anyone who came into prominence since then, so I’m not going to bother posting the URL.
I can’t see any reason why anyone would need to know this, therefore I have no idea what kind of salary beer spokesmodels make. I wouldn’t even know where to look for information like that. I can tell you where not to look, though: here.
Again, because I don’t do celebrity gossip – or New Age mysticism – I can’t even tell you why someone would do a search for “Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and Cosmic Energy,“ let alone provide any information about it.
So in summary, all you need to know about Bikini Cavegirl is that it’s a shitty movie, I don’t have any celebrity gossip (or bra sizes), and I’m not a beer spokesmodel salary expert.
I don’t want you to think that I’m judging you based on the kind of stuff you’re searching for (even though I’m totally judging you based on the kind of stuff you’re searching for), but I do want to make it clear that for anything other than me spouting off about whatever comes to mind with no real guiding theme, or the occasional bit of artwork, you really need to search elsewhere to find it.
No comments:
Post a Comment