Maybe Try A Different Position?

Latest spam subject line:

I just started having sex, and my boyfriend keeps popping out when we do it.

I'm not clear on what the "just started" signifies here. It could mean just recently, like she was a virgin up until a short time ago, at which point she began engaging in sexual activities, or it be more immediate and mean "just now, as I'm writing this."
If it's the latter, maybe if you weren't splitting your focus things would work out a little better. You can send out spam or you can have sex, but you'd probably be better off not trying to do both at the same time.
The wording of the subject line makes for an awkard transition to haiku, but here's what I managed to put together:

Started having sex
And my boyfriend keeps popping
Out when we do it

Feel free to post your own haiku versions in the comments.

I'll Be Honest; That COULD Pose A Problem

Subject line of a piece of spam I just received:

My new guy's phallus is enormous, and my mouth is tiny.

Sadly, there's nothing I can do to help resolve this issue.
However, I can point out that with some careful additions, you could turn your lament into a haiku:

My new guy's phallus
Is enormous, but alas,
My mouth is tiny

And that at least makes it a little more fun.