Today I had a Microsoft Visio class at HQ, so that meant getting up a little earlier than is usual for a day off, and dealing with morning traffic, where I was reminded, as I always am, of a lesson I learned long ago: the Universe will seldom let you win, but will always punish you for not trying.
So even though it was a fruitless endeavor, I put the appropriate effort into getting around the slow-moving jackasses and the heavily-laden semis and construction equipment just because I knew that, though I would never succeed in getting all of the obstacles behind me, and, indeed, would somehow end up behind them once again after getting past them, somehow, through some fiendishly clever maneuvering on the Universe’s part, it would be even worse if I just accepted my fate and stayed behind them.
Still, I arrived with plenty of time to spare – especially since most experienced instructors know that it’s not worth starting a class until at least fifteen minutes after it’s supposed to start, as the people who work at our company have their own version of time.
In general, 9 AM means anywhere from 9:10 to 10:30.
It certainly doesn’t mean 9 AM.
The class was taught by one of the more experienced instructors, and one of the better ones out of all of the ones I’ve had.
Before heading to the class I made my way towards the cafeteria to get an energy drink.
Getting there meant going through doors that require badge access. Said doors were not opening for a woman who was trying them, nor would they open for my badge. Eventually someone else tried and they opened.
Later in the day, they worked just fine for my badge. Not sure what was going on there.
Scott was already there when I got to the class, and we waited until around 9:15 to start.
There were still two late arrivals.
I haven’t done much with Visio, so I actually learned a fair amount about what it can do.
I’m most interested in the ability to create floor plans, as that could come in very handy in my upcoming move, especially, as Scott pointed out, if I have a good idea of the layout before I actually move.
For lunch I considered having my default pizza, but then remembered that I would be having pizza for dinner, as I’d ordered a pizza last night so that I wouldn’t have to worry about bothering with making dinner after I got home from class.
I then decided to go for what was called the Tomato Mozzarella Angus Burger, but learned that, sadly, they had no mozzarella.
So I went with the special, the Southwestern Turkey Burger with Pineapple Pico de Gallo.
(As an aside, whenever I encounter Pico de Gallo, I always hear Liz Phair singing “Cinco de Mayo” in my head.)
It was okay, I guess. The Pico de Gallo was surprisingly bland, and the burger itself, as is often the case with ground turkey, was rather dry.
As per usual there were a few dim bulbs in the class. The thing is, it wasn’t so much that they had trouble with the program itself, but that they seemed to lack even the most basic of computer skills. It never ceases to amaze me how a technology-based company like ours can have so many employees who lack even the most basic level of computer literacy, though honestly it explains a lot.
Speaking of computer illiteracy, the other night when I was watching The Real Deal on TLC, I found myself getting extremely irritated.
(FYI, “Ginger Alexander’s boobs” and “Ginger Alexander and Richard Davis dating?” have become some of the top search generators. Sorry fellas – and ladies, if applicable – but I have no pictures of her boobs, and no specific knowledge that they are, so I refuse to speculate as to whether or not Ginger and Richard are dating, or whether or not she’s giving him hummers in his office, or doing it with him in secluded areas on job sites while work is going on around them because the danger of getting caught, by workers or on camera, makes it that much hotter.)
It was a rebroadcast of the previous week’s episode (which I missed, thanks to my shitty cable company) in which the Trademark gang was having problems with e-mail and the team was very upset with the service they were receiving from their IT guy.
To teach him a lesson, they agreed to renovate a house that said IT guy was thinking about purchasing at cost. The point of the lesson was that they would have the renovations done, and done well, within a very short period of time, which would prove to the IT guy that work can be done quickly.
Okay, while it may have been due to post-production editing, the IT guy did seem like kind of a goober who worked at a snail’s pace, but what bothered me was the total lack of understanding on the part of the computer users as to what’s involved in maintaining a network, and the continued apples and oranges comparisons that were being made about renovating a house and fixing a computer problem.
Installing cabinets is not even remotely similar to installing software; each process has its own unique challenges. There is no direct comparison between renovating a house and troubleshooting and maintaining a computer network, so there is no way to compare the time it takes to accomplish something in the one to the time it takes to accomplish something in the other.
It’s like the whole “If they can put a man on the moon…” complaint; on the surface it’s seemingly logical, but under scrutiny the complaint falls apart because the two items being compared are not even remotely similar.
So sure, it’s a good lesson in terms of work ethic, but beyond that it’s meaningless.
The other complaint I had was that Richard (naturally) was viewing it as a “teamwork” issue, but given that the IT department consisted of only one team member, who, exactly, was he supposed to be working with? Was he supposed to be engaging in teamwork with the users? Because, honestly, his relationship to that team was more analogous to the role of waterboy.
Was Richard authorizing him to hire on some additional IT people and create an IT “team,” as he seemed to be suggesting at one point? The idea of bringing on more people was never actually discussed, even though Richard kept complaining about the IT guy, who was alone, insisting on going it alone.
It was all rather baffling.
Ultimately, what I found most interesting was that it was one member of the team who was actually causing the mail server problems.
Anyway, in the end it all worked out; the house was finished on time and the IT guy learned the value of teamwork. Hooray!
And Ginger (and her boobs) and Richard went on a hot date after it was all over…is a bit of groundless and irresponsible speculation that I will not be engaging in.
Showing posts with label real deal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real deal. Show all posts
Monday, June 04, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
What IS The Real Deal?
A while ago I started watching Flip This House on A&E.
The show focuses on realtors who buy houses, fix them up, and then sell them at a profit, all in a very short span of time.
At the time I started watching, there were three different teams that the show alternated between.
(TLC airs a similar show called Flip That House, which I also watch, though they don’t limit themselves to such a small pool of flippers.)
I soon learned that I didn’t care for two out of the three teams focused on, and started limiting myself to watching the episodes focusing on the Trademark team out of South Carolina.
Somewhere along the line I learned that this team was from the first season and were involved in a lawsuit against A&E. Apparently, they had pitched the show to A&E in the first place, but then were dumped without warning after the first season.
I’m not up on – or terribly interested in – the lawsuit, so I don’t know how that turned out, but I do know that they pitched a new show to TLC, which has been airing for the past few weeks. The new show is called The Real Deal, and basically follows the same format as Flip This House.
Now, the primary reason I watched the old show and now watch the current show is Trademark Investment Coordinator Ginger Alexander.
Is it because she’s hot? Not exactly.
In fact, I can’t tell you what it is about Ginger that I find so fascinating.
Sure, she’s reasonably attractive, has a decent rack, and often wears some really killer shoes (which the camera often focuses on), but she’s also kind of irritating in a lot of ways, what with the stupid little dog she’s always carrying around with her and that thick accent, and various other little personality quirks that just sort of bother me.
Somehow, though, in some perverse way, the things about her that irritate me actually make her seem more attractive somehow, and I find myself powerless to look away (particularly during some of the good cleavage shots).
Evidently I’m not alone in this, though, as Ginger is one of the primary points of focus on the show, with Trademark founder and owner Richard Davis being the other point of focus.
That I could do without.
In any case, I thought I’d share with you an example of a typical episode of their new show (which, as mentioned, is largely interchangeable with their old show).
One thing I have noticed about the new show, though, is that the focus seems to be on them doing some kind of “good” in the process of flipping a home. There’s always some sort of philanthropic element involved in every deal, or at least some sort of heartwarming aspect.
For example, on the last episode they renovated the concession stand by the football field at the local high school just in time for the first game of the seaon.
Anyway, here’s a typical episode.
Opening Title Sequence
This is ridiculously long and consists of Richard, who clearly loves the sound of his own voice, yammering on endlessly about who he is, what he does, how he does it, his philosophy on business, real estate, life, and sports. Note that sports is central to everything he says and does, and that pretty much everything he says is some sort of sports metaphor.
The Set Up
The team has a new project. They’ve set a ridiculously short deadline for themselves and a too-conservative budget. This will, of course, create drama.
One particular member of the team is going to be in charge of this project. He or she will be given the ball and will have to run with it with little or no help from Richard. This is his or her one chance to prove him or herself to Richard.
More often than not this team member is Ginger. She has, apparently, been getting her “one chance” to prove herself to Richard on a regular basis since the first show started back in 2004, and possibly longer than that.
The Drama (Part 1)
The team purchased the property sight unseen. Upon investigating it – generally they have to break in – they discover that they seriously underestimated the amount of time and money it will take to finish this project.
The Drama (Part 2)
Richard shows up on-site and totally undercuts the authority of, in this case, as in most others, Ginger, by vetoing some decision she had made.
Ginger fights to get her way, but will most likely defer to Richard, though she will feel that her “one chance” is being taken away from her.
The Drama (Part 1) Continued
Supplies/workers are not arriving on time. Nothing is going according to plan. The project is in danger of not being ready in time for the open house. Oh, and they didn’t bother getting any permits to do the work. Whoops!
The Conclusion
By pulling together like some sort of sporting team, they pull off a miracle and have the project ready in the nick of time. The paint is likely still wet as people walk through on the day of the open house.
And that’s pretty much how it plays out every time.
Of course, throughout it all there are some standard scenes, such as Richard spouting some sports metaphor, or talking about being a coach and equating that to running a business, and there will probably be a lot of shots of him hanging out at his kid’s baseball game, or just randomly watching kids playing basketball in a playground, or watching boys changing in a locker room – okay his obsession with watching kids play sports isn’t quite that creepy, but he really does spend a lot of time surrounding himself with sweaty young boys.
I’m just saying. An interest in sports makes for a good cover.
We’ll leave it at that.
Besides talking about sports, Richard likes to talk about himself – usually in relation to sports – and about how great he is. He also likes to talk about how humble he is.
He also makes a lot of disparaging remarks about southerners and rednecks, but does so as sort of a point of pride. Or rather, prahd.
We also get a lot of shots of Ginger’s patent leather stiletto pumps, which aren’t really ideal footwear for most job sites.
In addition to always having a Coke in her hand, Ginger always has her dog Jack with her, and we’re always treated to the camera zooming in on him running around, because everyone needs to see some stupid dog sniffing at things.
Oh, whosa good doggie? Yousa good doggie! Yes you is! Yousa good doggie! Looka the good lil puppy! Looka the good lil puppy! Yousa good lil puppy!
Every time this happens my immediate first thought is that this isn’t fucking Animal Planet. Enough with the dog already. Give us some shots of Ginger’s boobs, or at least, you know, some shots of the actual work that’s being done or something.
(The focus on the dog thing is a staple of every house flipping show I’ve ever seen. If there’s a dog, there are gratuitous fan service style zoom ins on the dog. I know, I know, I’m an evil heartless bastard because I don’t want to look at the cute little doggies.)
And as often as we hear Richard spout a sports metaphor, we hear Ginger say, “This is mah one chance to prove mahself to Richard. Ah don’t wanna let him down.”
It would be rampant, irresponsible speculation on my part to suggest that there’s something going on between Richard and Ginger and that she’s waiting for him to leave his family and is transferring all of her maternal instincts onto Jack because Richard isn’t free to give her the babies that her uterus is crying on for, and that she shows up at job sites wearing fuck me heels in front of a bunch of horny young guys in an effort to make Richard jealous, so I won’t suggest that.
Some other staples of the show are the fact that at no time does anyone ever answer a phone call.
And everyone is always late. And not just a little bit late, either.
You’ll get a scene with Ginger driving along, with Jack hanging out the window – Whosa good lil puppy? Yousa good lil puppy! – ahem, excuse me, and saying to the camera, “Ah was s’posed to meet Richard at 9 AM. Ah’m just now on mah way ta meet him. It’s 4:30 PM.”
And that’s my examination of The Real Deal and the Trademark team (Teamwork is their Trademark. Clever, no?).
Despite the fact that it generally follows the same pattern week after week, I do find the show entertaining, and of course I am not seriously suggesting that Richard has any sort of inappropriate interest in sweaty young boys. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy, and that he would be the first to tell you so.
Any and all fun I poke at the members of the Trademark, no matter how mean it seems, team is done affectionately.
In any case, there’s not much else going on in terms of my life, so I suppose that I’ll bring this entry to a close.
The show focuses on realtors who buy houses, fix them up, and then sell them at a profit, all in a very short span of time.
At the time I started watching, there were three different teams that the show alternated between.
(TLC airs a similar show called Flip That House, which I also watch, though they don’t limit themselves to such a small pool of flippers.)
I soon learned that I didn’t care for two out of the three teams focused on, and started limiting myself to watching the episodes focusing on the Trademark team out of South Carolina.
Somewhere along the line I learned that this team was from the first season and were involved in a lawsuit against A&E. Apparently, they had pitched the show to A&E in the first place, but then were dumped without warning after the first season.
I’m not up on – or terribly interested in – the lawsuit, so I don’t know how that turned out, but I do know that they pitched a new show to TLC, which has been airing for the past few weeks. The new show is called The Real Deal, and basically follows the same format as Flip This House.
Now, the primary reason I watched the old show and now watch the current show is Trademark Investment Coordinator Ginger Alexander.
Is it because she’s hot? Not exactly.
In fact, I can’t tell you what it is about Ginger that I find so fascinating.
Sure, she’s reasonably attractive, has a decent rack, and often wears some really killer shoes (which the camera often focuses on), but she’s also kind of irritating in a lot of ways, what with the stupid little dog she’s always carrying around with her and that thick accent, and various other little personality quirks that just sort of bother me.
Somehow, though, in some perverse way, the things about her that irritate me actually make her seem more attractive somehow, and I find myself powerless to look away (particularly during some of the good cleavage shots).
Evidently I’m not alone in this, though, as Ginger is one of the primary points of focus on the show, with Trademark founder and owner Richard Davis being the other point of focus.
That I could do without.
In any case, I thought I’d share with you an example of a typical episode of their new show (which, as mentioned, is largely interchangeable with their old show).
One thing I have noticed about the new show, though, is that the focus seems to be on them doing some kind of “good” in the process of flipping a home. There’s always some sort of philanthropic element involved in every deal, or at least some sort of heartwarming aspect.
For example, on the last episode they renovated the concession stand by the football field at the local high school just in time for the first game of the seaon.
Anyway, here’s a typical episode.
Opening Title Sequence
This is ridiculously long and consists of Richard, who clearly loves the sound of his own voice, yammering on endlessly about who he is, what he does, how he does it, his philosophy on business, real estate, life, and sports. Note that sports is central to everything he says and does, and that pretty much everything he says is some sort of sports metaphor.
The Set Up
The team has a new project. They’ve set a ridiculously short deadline for themselves and a too-conservative budget. This will, of course, create drama.
One particular member of the team is going to be in charge of this project. He or she will be given the ball and will have to run with it with little or no help from Richard. This is his or her one chance to prove him or herself to Richard.
More often than not this team member is Ginger. She has, apparently, been getting her “one chance” to prove herself to Richard on a regular basis since the first show started back in 2004, and possibly longer than that.
The Drama (Part 1)
The team purchased the property sight unseen. Upon investigating it – generally they have to break in – they discover that they seriously underestimated the amount of time and money it will take to finish this project.
The Drama (Part 2)
Richard shows up on-site and totally undercuts the authority of, in this case, as in most others, Ginger, by vetoing some decision she had made.
Ginger fights to get her way, but will most likely defer to Richard, though she will feel that her “one chance” is being taken away from her.
The Drama (Part 1) Continued
Supplies/workers are not arriving on time. Nothing is going according to plan. The project is in danger of not being ready in time for the open house. Oh, and they didn’t bother getting any permits to do the work. Whoops!
The Conclusion
By pulling together like some sort of sporting team, they pull off a miracle and have the project ready in the nick of time. The paint is likely still wet as people walk through on the day of the open house.
And that’s pretty much how it plays out every time.
Of course, throughout it all there are some standard scenes, such as Richard spouting some sports metaphor, or talking about being a coach and equating that to running a business, and there will probably be a lot of shots of him hanging out at his kid’s baseball game, or just randomly watching kids playing basketball in a playground, or watching boys changing in a locker room – okay his obsession with watching kids play sports isn’t quite that creepy, but he really does spend a lot of time surrounding himself with sweaty young boys.
I’m just saying. An interest in sports makes for a good cover.
We’ll leave it at that.
Besides talking about sports, Richard likes to talk about himself – usually in relation to sports – and about how great he is. He also likes to talk about how humble he is.
He also makes a lot of disparaging remarks about southerners and rednecks, but does so as sort of a point of pride. Or rather, prahd.
We also get a lot of shots of Ginger’s patent leather stiletto pumps, which aren’t really ideal footwear for most job sites.
In addition to always having a Coke in her hand, Ginger always has her dog Jack with her, and we’re always treated to the camera zooming in on him running around, because everyone needs to see some stupid dog sniffing at things.
Oh, whosa good doggie? Yousa good doggie! Yes you is! Yousa good doggie! Looka the good lil puppy! Looka the good lil puppy! Yousa good lil puppy!
Every time this happens my immediate first thought is that this isn’t fucking Animal Planet. Enough with the dog already. Give us some shots of Ginger’s boobs, or at least, you know, some shots of the actual work that’s being done or something.
(The focus on the dog thing is a staple of every house flipping show I’ve ever seen. If there’s a dog, there are gratuitous fan service style zoom ins on the dog. I know, I know, I’m an evil heartless bastard because I don’t want to look at the cute little doggies.)
And as often as we hear Richard spout a sports metaphor, we hear Ginger say, “This is mah one chance to prove mahself to Richard. Ah don’t wanna let him down.”
It would be rampant, irresponsible speculation on my part to suggest that there’s something going on between Richard and Ginger and that she’s waiting for him to leave his family and is transferring all of her maternal instincts onto Jack because Richard isn’t free to give her the babies that her uterus is crying on for, and that she shows up at job sites wearing fuck me heels in front of a bunch of horny young guys in an effort to make Richard jealous, so I won’t suggest that.
Some other staples of the show are the fact that at no time does anyone ever answer a phone call.
And everyone is always late. And not just a little bit late, either.
You’ll get a scene with Ginger driving along, with Jack hanging out the window – Whosa good lil puppy? Yousa good lil puppy! – ahem, excuse me, and saying to the camera, “Ah was s’posed to meet Richard at 9 AM. Ah’m just now on mah way ta meet him. It’s 4:30 PM.”
And that’s my examination of The Real Deal and the Trademark team (Teamwork is their Trademark. Clever, no?).
Despite the fact that it generally follows the same pattern week after week, I do find the show entertaining, and of course I am not seriously suggesting that Richard has any sort of inappropriate interest in sweaty young boys. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy, and that he would be the first to tell you so.
Any and all fun I poke at the members of the Trademark, no matter how mean it seems, team is done affectionately.
In any case, there’s not much else going on in terms of my life, so I suppose that I’ll bring this entry to a close.
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