Saturday Is Fryday

First, off, no, I'm not going to subject anyone to anything Rebecca Black-related - though I have to admit that she and her horrible, horrible song have managed to bore a hole into my consciousness and have taken up residence there - as the title of this post relates to Philip J. Fry of Futurama.

(And if you don't know who/what Rebecca Black is, consider yourself fortunate...though really, it's only a matter of time. She is inevitable.)

I'm specifically thinking of the iPhone parody episode in which Fry, when having the limitations of the "eyephone" explained to him, tells the store employee, "Shut up and take my money!"

I've been feeling like saying that a lot lately, as it seems that most of the stores I go to have no interest in taking my money, in that they're unwilling to sell things that I want to buy.

Target, is of course, the worst, as they will initially sell something - specifically diabetic-friendly products - I'll buy it, like it, resolve to buy it again, and then go back only to find that they've discontinued it.

(It happens with a lot of things, but the sugar-free and otherwise diabetic-friendly products seem to be the most egregious examples, to the point that I actually kind of feel as though I'm being discriminated against. Not in a "The Universe is out to get me" sort of way, but as in, "Target has no interest in marketing products to diabetics.. Take your filthy, insulin-resistant money elsewhere.")

It's also been happening a lot at Best Buy, as I go there pretty regularly and walk out empty-handed because there's nothing there that I have any particular interest in buying. It's annoying, because there are a lot of things that they could be selling that I would buy, but they just don't.

For example, I've been kind of going back and forth about buying an Asus Eee Slate - a Windows-based tablet computer - to replace my current laptop. It's kind of a compelling product; thin and light, with all the functionality of a full-fledged laptop, with the added advantage that the touch screen is made by Wacom, the company that makes the Cintiq, so I would be able to enjoy the same functionality for drawing on the go - or at least in my living room - as I have at my desktop.

The problem is that most of the online retailers selling it don't seem to have it in stock, and very few brick-and-mortar retailers are selling it.

Best Buy, for example. At least, Best Buy in America; Best Buy Canada carries it.

While I've been going back and forth about placing an order from an online retailer - sometimes I think "I'm going to do it!" then decide "Well, maybe I'll wait and see." - and just waiting for it to, eventually, be restocked and shipped, if I could walk into a physical store and pick one up, I would do so without hesitation. Best Buy America: Y U No Want My Money?

Earlier today, while my main system was tied up doing something, I got online on Munin and, for the hell of it, decided to see if Micro Center was one of the retailers selling the Eee Slate.

Turns out that they are, and the one in Fairfax had it in stock.

So I got in the car, made the drive to Fairfax, found the display model, played around with it and was pleased to discover that it was even lighter and thinner than I'd expected - I've seen the specs, but that's not the same as actually handling the thing - and looked around for someone who was willing to take my money.

(It's a truism that the employees who are constantly harassing you with their offers of assistance when you're just looking are never around when you actually do need assistance.)

Finally, someone became available and I told him that I wanted him to take my money. He went to a computer to do a check to see if they had any in stock.

They didn't. In fact, they had only received the one that was on display, which wasn't actually for sale.

...

So, yeah. They got a single Eee Slate for display purposes only, just so that they could say, "Hey, look at this cool thing that we're not going to sell you!"

On the plus side, as I wandered around the store dejectedly after that, I did get a chance to see what my new computer is going to look like, as they sell the case that I selected - presumably they have more than one in stock - so it was kind of like a sneak preview. (Note: That thing is huge.)

On my way out of the store I saw this magazine that someone had apparently brought up to the register and then decided not to to buy. It was a magazine about digital art - specifically science fiction and fantasy art - and had a special focus on comic books. The cover story was a feature on Adam Hughes - the magazine caught my eye because it featured a picture of Catwoman done by AH! on the cover -engaging in a step-by-step demonstration of his artistic process.

Finally, something to spend money on!

(The magazine was an import, so it was surprisingly pricey.)

Of course, because they hadn't annoyed me enough by only having a display model Eee Slate in stock, causing me to (mostly) waste my time by driving there, they had to pull that Radio Shack nonsense of asking for my name (since I was paying with cash).

When asked for my name, I angrily responded, "What for? Why do you need my name in order to sell me a magazine and a Diet Pepsi?" but when the guy looked at me helplessly, I went with "John Smith."

However, I should have have said, "Last name Take My Money, first name Shut Up And."

****

Earlier in the day I managed to spend a little money at Staples. I've been looking to pick up this new 1080p webcam from Microsoft that I've been seeing around because...well, I'm not sure about the because. I don't have that much use for a webcam. I guess I've been looking to get it because it's shiny. Of course, the first time I saw it, and decided against buying it, it was $30 cheaper than what it was each subsequent time I looked at it.

On sale for $25 off at Staples? Check.

Jon decided to buy it? Check.

On sale for $30 off at Best Buy? Check.

Jon too lazy to return it to Staples/do a competitive price guarantee thing? Check.

*****

A Conversation With Myself

Me: We should do the laundry today when we get home rather than doing it tomorrow.

Also Me: Why?

Me: I don't know. Just to shake up the routine a little, I guess. Besides, it'll be one less thing we'll have to do tomorrow.

Also Me: Yes, but it will be one more thing we have to do today.

Me: Good point.

Pros And Con

So yesterday’s entry was originally intended to be a bit longer than it was, but I was having some issues with the keyboard drawer on my desk.

One of the screws holding the slider in place had fallen out, so the whole thing was bouncing like crazy when I typed, so I paused from writing my entry to try to fix it.  I put the screw back in, but it was clear that it was just going to pop back out again, as the brackets the sliders were attached to were a bit too far apart, so I decided to take the whole thing down and try to put the brackets in a better position.

…

This resulted in three things: 

1.  A face full of sawdust.

2.  The screws getting completely stripped.

3.  A lot of swearing.

I don’t really understand the people who are comfortable typing with their keyboard in their lap, as it’s never been something I could pull off for any extended period of time, and with the Cintiq in the way, there wasn’t anywhere I could put my keyboard on the desk itself, so I decided to just post what I had.

Today I moved things around, putting the monitor and Cintiq over on the other, longer part of the L-shaped desk.  With the raised portion over on that section, I can put the monitor up high enough that I can have the Cintiq tilted at its maximum angle and have it pushed back far enough to make room for the keyboard without obscuring my view of the monitor.

It’s not an ideal circumstance, as it puts the monitor at a height that’s uncomfortable for viewing, but it’s only meant as a temporary solution, as tomorrow I’m going to buy a new, better keyboard drawer.  I may – in fact, I almost definitely will – leave everything where it’s been relocated, but not having to make room for the keyboard on the desk will allow me to position the two monitors a little better.

In any case, that’s not what I wanted to write about.

One of my favorite bits on the show Futurama features a storyline about an anomaly in space that’s causing time to randomly jump ahead.  The people experiencing it find themselves moved forward in time to find that significant changes have occurred, but they’re unaware of how those changes came about.  For example, Fry and Leela find that they’re married, but have no idea how that came to pass.

In any case, Professor Farnsworth comes up with a solution to the problem, which involves the crew of the Planet Express having to fly out into space and deal with the anomaly.  As he’s explaining the mission to the crew, time skips, and suddenly it’s time for the crew to blast off, which leads the Professor to say, “Off you go, apparently…”

With that in mind, for the past few days I’ve been saying, “I’m going to Baltimore Comic-Con, apparently.”

Every so often either Scott or I will say, “We should go to Baltimore Comic-Con one of these years,” but generally we end up thinking of it after the year’s con has already taken place.

However, last week when I was at the comic shop I noticed a flyer for the con and saw that it’s happening on August 28 and 29.  So I texted Scott to let him know that.  Unfortunately, he’ll be out of town that weekend.  As I didn’t want to go by myself, that put an end to my hopes of going once more.

But I kept thinking about how I’d really like to go, especially since two – later I learned that it’s actually four – of my favorite artists are going to be there, along with some of my favorite writers.  So I was checking out the site and noticed that it takes place from 10-6, and I started thinking, “Well, maybe I could drive out for one of the days,” even though I really wanted to go for both days.  But that seemed like kind of a hassle.  So I decided to see if there were any vacancies in the area and found that there was one within walking distance.

With some not-so gentle prodding from Scott, the next thing I knew I was booking a room for Friday and Saturday, and ordering a two-day pass.

I didn’t spend as much time being indecisive as I normally would, so in a lot of ways it felt like I had – much like the Planet Express crew – jumped forward in time.  So, off I go, apparently…

I’m definitely looking forward to it, but being there by myself is going to kind of suck.  On the other hand, I’ll (hopefully) be able to get some things signed – and maybe even be able to buy some sketches from – Amanda Conner, Adam Hughes, Frank Cho, and Greg Horn.  (Conveniently, I recently purchased some books collecting, respectively, some of the artwork of Hughes, Cho, and Horn, though inconveniently they’re rather weighty tomes, and will be a hassle to lug around the convention floor.)

One other pro about going to the con is hot cosplay chicks.  (These pics are from the recent San Diego Comic-Con, which I would also like to go to someday.)

The con about going to the con, though, is that pretty much the first thing everyone says to me upon hearing that I’m going to Baltimore is some variation of, “You can hook up with some hot geek girl!”  (Some are more insistent that I shoot at everything that moves than others.  Apparently it’s not good enough that I’m just, you know, actually doing something;I have to come on to every woman I see while I’m at it.)

Sure, that would be nice, but I’m not going to hold my breath, or make an ass of myself by being geek number 3,589 to hit on some chick who’s just trying to show her geek pride and is sick to death of the endless parade of clumsy, sweaty come-ons (and in many cases, straight-up harassment and assault) that just being there while having the audacity to be in possession of breasts has forced her to contend with.

So, no, that’s not going to be my focus.  Sure, I’m going to look, and if something happens, great, but if not, well, I’m there for the panels and signings, announcements, free gifts, and to browse through the comics people are selling.

I’m also going to try to pimp Heroic Portraits as much as I can without being an obnoxious douche, handing out cards and leaving them lying around waiting to be discovered.

In fact, the other day I had an “Oh, duh,” moment and realized that I should actually wear a Heroic Portraits T-shirt.  Then it occurred to me that I should carry all of my stuff around in Heroic Portraits tote bag.

(By the way, if you go to my Zazzle Gallery following the link to the right, right there in the text, or at the bottom of the page, you, too, can purchase some Heroic Portraits merchandise.  You won’t, I know, but I’m just saying that you can.  It’s an available option, and there’s no law against it or anything.  Really, nothing other than your total lack of interest in doing so, or your callous disregard for the success or failure of my artistic endeavors is preventing you from doing that.  You have the ability to make that choice.  You know, the choice to do that thing that you’re going to choose not to do.  Because, you know, seriously, that guy Jon and his heroic whatever Web site?  Fuck that guy.)

So that’s the big excitement ahead of me:  making an irritating drive, going someplace totally unfamiliar, and being surrounded by thousands of people, including a bunch of hot, nerdy chicks that I won’t talk to.

But hey, at least I’m actually doing something, right?

When I told Scott that I’d decided to go, he said something like, “Cool!  I can live through you vicariously.”  I responded, “That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.  Don’t ever say that again.”

Too Tired...Too Lazy...Take Your Pick

I've got a huge rant waiting inside of me about my post-work commute yesterday, but I just don't have the energy to write it up just now.
Not sure when I will write it; tomorrow night I'll be off to see Watchmen in IMAX. Depending on how that goes, I might just have another rant. Hopefully not.
On some positive notes, for Riff Trax night Scott and I watched no Riff Trax, but rather the Futurama movie Bender's Game, which was hilarious, and the new DC Animated movie Wonder Woman. The acquisition of said movie contains a rant in itself, but the movie was awesome. Astonishingly so, actually. I'd read that it was good, and based on other DC Animated projects, I expected that it would be, but I was unprepared for it to be so full of, well, wonder.
Very good stuff, and the preview for the next feature - a Green Lantern movie - while containing no footage, made it look very promising.
And finally, let me just say, "Money money money money....money!"
(Tax refunds + bonus = a happy Jon*)

*For a Jon-specific value of "happy."

Hellboy? Hell Yeah!

I’d like to say that I was extremely productive and that I accomplished a lot today.
However, clearly I wouldn’t like it enough to have actually been extremely productive and accomplished enough so that I could legitimately say that I had.
Instead I got up a bit before 10, sat around for a while, showered, dressed, headed over to the comic shop – new comics came out on Thursday this week because of the holiday, but I was too lazy to stop by there before today – had lunch, went to Target and bought a few things, then came home and took a nap.
Among the things I bought at Target was the latest Futurama DVD, The Beast With a Billion Backs, which I watched after I got up from my nap.
It was better than Bender’s Big Score, but it still seemed a bit off, and didn’t have as many laughs as a standard episode of the series would have had.
Still, there was one particular scene that was completely awesome and which made up for all of the other areas in which it was lacking.
Speaking of awesomeness, I went to see Hellboy II last night with Scott and Stacy and a bunch of other people I’m too lazy to list and I enjoyed the…err…hell out of it.
Not really going to post a review of it, other than, as already mentioned, to note that it was awesome, and also to say that I never thought I would have enjoyed something that included a Barry Manilow song as a rather central element, and yet I did.
I will say, though, that while the movie was near-perfection, I do have three complaints. It included one of my favorite supporting characters, Johann Krauss, a German scientist accidentally converted into a swirling mist of ectoplasmic vapor – voiced, oddly enough, by Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, who did a decent job, particularly for Johann as presented in the movie – but it did not include my absolute favorite supporting character, Roger, the pantsless homunculus.
Also not featured: pulp hero Lobster Johnson. This is a shame, as there was a perfect opportunity in the movie to give audience at least a fleeting glimpse of the character.
My final complaint? No cybernetic Nazi gorillas.
These are, of course, mere quibbles, and I have absolutely nothing in the way of real complaints about the movie (other than that it annoyed me to have to wait four damn years for it to come out).
So yeah; I liked it. It had the requisite amounts of humor, action, and creepiness that should accompany any Hellboy story.
I should mention that a year or two before Hellboy hit the comics scene, I’d come up with an idea that was quite similar to the high concept behind Hellboy.
For the uninitiated, Hellboy is a demon who was brought to Earth through the machinations of a group of Nazi occultists during World War II. However, the ritual that summoned him was disrupted by Allied soldiers led by a paranormal researcher, and the demon, who was just a child, was adopted by the US military and raised by the paranormal researcher, eventually growing to become the world’s foremost paranormal investigator, who rejected his original destiny, which was to destroy the world.
My idea didn’t involve Nazis, but had a similar notion in that it involved the redemption of a demon. Basically, a demon takes possession of a child, and a priest is called in to exorcise it. In hearing the message of the Gospels, the demon, against all conventional wisdom and theology, becomes converted, and vows to join with the priest in the fight against the forces of darkness of which it was once part.
Of course, it was never much more than the germ of an idea, and likely wouldn’t have turned out to be anywhere near as entertaining as Hellboy even if I hadn’t been too lazy to actually do anything with the idea.
Up next as far as movie-going is The Dark Knight, on Friday, which we’ll be seeing in IMAX. After that, I can’t think of anything else that’s coming out that I’m interested in seeing.
When I got home from work yesterday, I watched the season finale of Reno 911! on my DVR, and then got to work on a picture for the upcoming remodel of the Heroic Portraits site. I went into obsessive mode, and got so caught up in it that I neglected to eat – as often happens – or to leave myself enough time to do so before leaving for the movie, so the hot dog and two boxes of candy I had at the theater had to fulfill that function.
When I got home, I pretty much immediately went back to working on the picture until the wee hours of the morning.
Of course – as also often happens – when I looked at the picture in the light of day I decided that it sucked and that I hated everything about it and that the whole thing had been a colossal waste of time.
Oh well.
In any case, if I should happen to stumble upon some motivation this weekend I’ll probably get to work on putting together a site that is at least a marginal improvement over the current version.
Maybe.

I Have To Admit, I'd Probably Buy "Watchmen Babies"

Here's Alan Moore (along with Art Spiegelman, and Dan Clowes) on The Simpsons:



If anyone could write an interesting story about a non-radioactive, heroin-addicted jazz critic, it'd be Alan.
It was an all-around good episode from a comic book geek perspective, even apart from the appearances by Alan and the others. Lots of geeky references.
This episode marked the second time in one day that Alan made me laugh, with the first being with this passage from The Black Dossier in a segment detailing the life of a transgendered immortal:

Male once more, I returned to Rome in 70 BC, my fling with its founders now forgotten. Embroiled in slave revolts, I escaped punishment by simply declaring "I'm Vito," everyone else apparently being named "Spartacus."

Fellow author and friend of Alan Neil Gaiman was offered the opportunity to also appear on an episode of The Simpsons by creator Matt Groening. Neil declined, stating that he'd much rather appear as a head in a jar on Futurama. Groening, who is bringing Futurama back for a series of direct-to-DVD movies (which will air as episodes on Comedy Central) told him, "That can be arranged."