I hate having to do stuff after work. Unless I'm doing something fun, and how often does that happen?
I'm not discounting Riff Trax Night with Scott, which is fun, but that primarily involves just going home, which is all I generally want to do when I finish work.
Today I had to do two things after work. It might as well have been two thousand for as much of a drain on me as it was.
First I went to the Chiropractor. As mentioned, that involves going into "historic" Leesburg, which is to say the part of town where being a run-down hovel counts as having historic character, the streets were laid out for horse-drawn carriages, and most of the businesses fall into one of two categories: places that sell expensive crap to people who have more money than sense or old, just hanging on by their fingernails places that people go to as an absolute last resort.
Still, there's something to be said for historic districts.
And that something is, "Tear them down and pave over them."
Screw history.
(Okay, maybe I'm not exactly in a great mood.)
While I was being adjusted the doctor asked me about the Watchmen movie and what I thought of it. I said that I liked it, for what it was, but that my perspective on it was a bit different from most people's, given that the comic is my favorite book of all time. I added, "Actually, it might be my favorite anything of all time."
After that I had to go to the eye doctor.
That took way longer than it should have, and there were all these other tests and crap they wanted to do, and the whole time I'm thinking, "You're thieves. You're stealing my time. Worse, I'm paying you to steal my time."
Just because I waste a lot of time doesn't mean that my time has no value to me. After all, I'm the one wasting it. That's my decision. And quite frankly, I'd rather waste my time than give it to most people.
As I said to Scott earlier today while pre-complaining about the two things - yes, I do have perspective; I know it was only two things - I said that I can't even begin to understand the people who are constantly running around doing stuff.
This is among the many reasons I could never be a parent. My kids would never get to be involved in extracurricular activities.
"Dad, can I join the soccer team?"
"Will I have to do anything?"
"Well, yeah. You'd have to take me to practices, and come to my games, and-"
"No. Here, I'll order you a soccer video game from Amazon."
(This hypothetical exchange brings to mind one of my favorite scenes from The Simpsons:
Bart: Dad, can I have fifty bucks to buy a ticket to a rap concert?
Homer: Go to hell.
Bart: Well, if I pay for the ticket myself can I go?
Homer: Sure, knock yourself out.
Bart: I love you, dad.
Homer: I love you, too, Jerry.)
Anyway, as I was trying to get the hell out of there, I said, "You're all very nice and everything, but honestly, I'm tired and I just want to go home."
One of the girls made a mock offended sound and said, "But Jon, we like you."
I responded with, "Fine, then I'll just start randomly hanging out here all the time. See how much you like me then."
That got a couple of laughs, at least.
Finally, after over an hour there, I was free to come home and waste my time as I saw fit. That mostly involved watching last night's episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.
And, eventually, writing this.
Tomorrow should be a better day. After all, it'll be Riff Trax Night, and I should be receiving my new - ridiculously expensive - toy.
So maybe by Thursday you'll see a post from a much cheerier Jon than is posting today.
Remember, I said "maybe."
Showing posts with label chiropractor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chiropractor. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Jon's Bogus Journey
My drive home from work started out poorly, with some jackass whipping out of a parking lot and cutting across three lanes to cut me off. It was one of those times when I wish that I could just plow into stupid people to teach them that actions have consequences. After all, this sort of behavior is only reinforced when people slam on their brakes and avoid what would otherwise be an inevitable collision.
Of course, I didn’t plow into him, and the lesson he learned was that he can get away with being a jackass and that there’s no such thing as karma or natural justice.
However, for a little while it seemed like The Universe was actually trying to make it up to me, as I managed to avoid almost every stoplight between work and home.
Naturally I immediately became suspicious.
Somewhere in Ashburn shortly before I got to the last leg of my journey I figured out what was going on.
There was a big, slow-moving truck up the road ahead of me. As soon as I spotted the yellow behemoth I knew that I was going to get stuck behind it for the rest of the way home.
I did make an abortive attempt to get around it, but the line of slow-moving mini-vans and SUVs in the other lane refused to cooperate, all moving slower than the truck and forcing me back over and behind it.
So, yeah. Stuck behind this massive slow-moving tuck that kicked dirt and gravel in my face like some bully in a Charles Atlas comic book ad.
Despite the irritation making me want to just go home and be done with the world for the day I decided to follow through on my intention of heading to the Chiropractor’s office.
I’ve never been to his new location, so I didn’t know exactly where it’s located, but I had a general idea.
Getting there involved driving through the narrow, crowded streets of “historic” Leesburg, which can be a pain under the best of circumstances.
Today wasn’t the best of circumstances.
Last night was my night off with my contacts. My vision on the days after I haven’t worn my lenses is sufficient to allow me to get through most tasks in life without any corrective lenses. I’m legal to drive, for example, and I can read street signs and so forth, but beyond a certain range things get fuzzy, and I have difficulty reading addresses on buildings – assuming there are any – or business signs.
To add to the fun of driving along the narrow, crowded street squinting to read numbers or words that may or may not actually be there, I was driving directly into the sun.
I don’t think it will come as a surprise to anyone to learn that I ended up going home without actually finding the Chiropractor’s office.
Of course, I didn’t plow into him, and the lesson he learned was that he can get away with being a jackass and that there’s no such thing as karma or natural justice.
However, for a little while it seemed like The Universe was actually trying to make it up to me, as I managed to avoid almost every stoplight between work and home.
Naturally I immediately became suspicious.
Somewhere in Ashburn shortly before I got to the last leg of my journey I figured out what was going on.
There was a big, slow-moving truck up the road ahead of me. As soon as I spotted the yellow behemoth I knew that I was going to get stuck behind it for the rest of the way home.
I did make an abortive attempt to get around it, but the line of slow-moving mini-vans and SUVs in the other lane refused to cooperate, all moving slower than the truck and forcing me back over and behind it.
So, yeah. Stuck behind this massive slow-moving tuck that kicked dirt and gravel in my face like some bully in a Charles Atlas comic book ad.
Despite the irritation making me want to just go home and be done with the world for the day I decided to follow through on my intention of heading to the Chiropractor’s office.
I’ve never been to his new location, so I didn’t know exactly where it’s located, but I had a general idea.
Getting there involved driving through the narrow, crowded streets of “historic” Leesburg, which can be a pain under the best of circumstances.
Today wasn’t the best of circumstances.
Last night was my night off with my contacts. My vision on the days after I haven’t worn my lenses is sufficient to allow me to get through most tasks in life without any corrective lenses. I’m legal to drive, for example, and I can read street signs and so forth, but beyond a certain range things get fuzzy, and I have difficulty reading addresses on buildings – assuming there are any – or business signs.
To add to the fun of driving along the narrow, crowded street squinting to read numbers or words that may or may not actually be there, I was driving directly into the sun.
I don’t think it will come as a surprise to anyone to learn that I ended up going home without actually finding the Chiropractor’s office.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I Want To Appear On A TV News Show With That As My Caption
Those of you who also read Brian’s blog may have noticed that in his most recent entry, in which he seeks to understand the meaning of the song Red Rain by Peter Gabriel, he makes a reference to me as being “pretty much an expert on most things 80’s.”
(I can just see myself on some show on like CNN or in some documentary with an on-screen identification of “Pretty Much an Expert on Most Things 80’s” just below my name)
Now I can’t help but think that this is his sly way of saying that I’m old, but I suppose there is some truth to it (both the statement about my expertise and the implication about my age).
After all, most of my formative years took place during the 80s, and of all of the decades I’ve lived in that’s the one I probably remember best.
My memories of the 70s don’t even really start until sometime around 1976 or so, and as for the 90s, I spent the first half in college trying to cram information, most of which I’ve since forgotten, into my head, and I spent most of the second half in a drunken stupor, so that decade tends to kind of blur together.
Which leaves the 80s.
Unfortunately my “expertise” doesn’t really cover Peter Gabriel as I was never really a fan.
For the first half of the 80s I had no particular musical tastes to speak of, listening to whatever happened to get played on the radio, and by the second half I had become a hardcore metalhead, eschewing anything that carried even a hint of mainstream popularity.
During this stage if I heard popular music I tended to view it as something that was being inflicted upon me.
So no, apart from having seen the groundbreaking videos, my Peter Gabriel experience wasn’t exactly what you’d call extensive.
Speaking of Brian, though, in celebration of the fact that one week before Christmas the temperature actually got up into the 70s, he and Kathleen had a barbecue last night.
Given that it meant free food and not having to feed myself, I naturally accepted their invitation.
If I hadn’t already known that I was at the right place, I might have gotten a hint from the entire crew of firefighters getting off of a fire engine and walking to their door.
Naturally once I was there in the thick of things I transformed into my usual social butterfly self.
That is to say, a “social” butterfly that’s dead and pinned to the wall.
Still, as mentioned, it was free food that I didn’t have to make for myself, and, as always, my anti-social issues are strictly my own, so on that note, I’ll say thanks for inviting me B&K.
Owing to the fact that you never know who’s going to be around when during the holidays, last Thursday I opted to give Brian, Scott, and Simon their gifts at work.
I’d gotten them each a 1 GB flash drive.
Because I can’t wrap a present to save my life – and if anyone could somehow stumble into a situation in which his life would depend on his ability to wrap a gift it would be me – I decided that the best presentation would be the whole tiny gift bag with tissue paper approach.
Let me say that as I stood in that little gift wrap aisle at Super Target looking at the multi-colored frilly offerings, I could not have looked more out of place. I mean, we’re talking Dr. Joel Fleischman in Cicely, Alaska, levels of fish-out-of-water-ness.
Still, the end result of my efforts looked rather festive:
(As an aside, the filename I gave to this image had me Ho-Ho-Ho-ing my ass off. That should be a new IM abbreviation for the season: HHHMAO!)
I gave Kathleen her gift, which was in a larger bag with two kinds of pink tissue paper, which I neglected to take a photo of, yesterday. I got her a desk calendar (featuring The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said) and some kind of aromatherapy relaxation pillow thingamajob.
On the gift receiving front, so far I’ve received a gift card for Chipotle from Scott and Stacy, which will be put to good use.
Scott will be off in Utah this weekend, so I’m sure that work will go by exceedingly slowly as we make our way to Christmas.
Yesterday the chiropractor asked me the standard question: are you ready for Christmas?
I responded, “Inasmuch as I’ve finished all of my shopping, yes.”
He said that I sounded like an engineer. I added, “Well, if you’re asking, ‘Are you ready for what’s essentially going to be just another Monday?’ again, the answer is yes.”
My lack of Christmas spirit didn’t dissuade him, though, and he went on to ask if I had any plans, which, of course, I don’t. My main plan is to do enough grocery shopping this week so that I can get through Sunday without having to go anywhere and am prepared for nothing being open on Monday.
And that’s about as close as I’m going to get to having any Christmas spirit. God bless us everyone.
(I can just see myself on some show on like CNN or in some documentary with an on-screen identification of “Pretty Much an Expert on Most Things 80’s” just below my name)
Now I can’t help but think that this is his sly way of saying that I’m old, but I suppose there is some truth to it (both the statement about my expertise and the implication about my age).
After all, most of my formative years took place during the 80s, and of all of the decades I’ve lived in that’s the one I probably remember best.
My memories of the 70s don’t even really start until sometime around 1976 or so, and as for the 90s, I spent the first half in college trying to cram information, most of which I’ve since forgotten, into my head, and I spent most of the second half in a drunken stupor, so that decade tends to kind of blur together.
Which leaves the 80s.
Unfortunately my “expertise” doesn’t really cover Peter Gabriel as I was never really a fan.
For the first half of the 80s I had no particular musical tastes to speak of, listening to whatever happened to get played on the radio, and by the second half I had become a hardcore metalhead, eschewing anything that carried even a hint of mainstream popularity.
During this stage if I heard popular music I tended to view it as something that was being inflicted upon me.
So no, apart from having seen the groundbreaking videos, my Peter Gabriel experience wasn’t exactly what you’d call extensive.
Speaking of Brian, though, in celebration of the fact that one week before Christmas the temperature actually got up into the 70s, he and Kathleen had a barbecue last night.
Given that it meant free food and not having to feed myself, I naturally accepted their invitation.
If I hadn’t already known that I was at the right place, I might have gotten a hint from the entire crew of firefighters getting off of a fire engine and walking to their door.
Naturally once I was there in the thick of things I transformed into my usual social butterfly self.
That is to say, a “social” butterfly that’s dead and pinned to the wall.
Still, as mentioned, it was free food that I didn’t have to make for myself, and, as always, my anti-social issues are strictly my own, so on that note, I’ll say thanks for inviting me B&K.
Owing to the fact that you never know who’s going to be around when during the holidays, last Thursday I opted to give Brian, Scott, and Simon their gifts at work.
I’d gotten them each a 1 GB flash drive.
Because I can’t wrap a present to save my life – and if anyone could somehow stumble into a situation in which his life would depend on his ability to wrap a gift it would be me – I decided that the best presentation would be the whole tiny gift bag with tissue paper approach.
Let me say that as I stood in that little gift wrap aisle at Super Target looking at the multi-colored frilly offerings, I could not have looked more out of place. I mean, we’re talking Dr. Joel Fleischman in Cicely, Alaska, levels of fish-out-of-water-ness.
Still, the end result of my efforts looked rather festive:
(As an aside, the filename I gave to this image had me Ho-Ho-Ho-ing my ass off. That should be a new IM abbreviation for the season: HHHMAO!)
I gave Kathleen her gift, which was in a larger bag with two kinds of pink tissue paper, which I neglected to take a photo of, yesterday. I got her a desk calendar (featuring The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said) and some kind of aromatherapy relaxation pillow thingamajob.
On the gift receiving front, so far I’ve received a gift card for Chipotle from Scott and Stacy, which will be put to good use.
Scott will be off in Utah this weekend, so I’m sure that work will go by exceedingly slowly as we make our way to Christmas.
Yesterday the chiropractor asked me the standard question: are you ready for Christmas?
I responded, “Inasmuch as I’ve finished all of my shopping, yes.”
He said that I sounded like an engineer. I added, “Well, if you’re asking, ‘Are you ready for what’s essentially going to be just another Monday?’ again, the answer is yes.”
My lack of Christmas spirit didn’t dissuade him, though, and he went on to ask if I had any plans, which, of course, I don’t. My main plan is to do enough grocery shopping this week so that I can get through Sunday without having to go anywhere and am prepared for nothing being open on Monday.
And that’s about as close as I’m going to get to having any Christmas spirit. God bless us everyone.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I'm Sorry To Hear That. Congratulations!
A while ago I got a call from Kathleen informing me that to accommodate her travel plans a little (she’s leaving to visit her dad tomorrow), they accelerated the whole layoff thing in her case, making today her last day.
While she was, in many ways, glad to see the last of the place and get a chance at a fresh start, I knew that there was at least some sadness involved in leaving a company that she’s worked at for so long. Besides, whether it’s for the best or not, nobody really wants to go through being laid off.
So with that in mind I told her, “Well, congratulations and...my deepest sympathies.”
My day was a little less momentous, thankfully.
I did go for my first chiropractor appointment to try to get the whole carpal tunnel thing dealt with.
After examining me, he determined that I have a “structural problem” beyond the mere pinching of a nerve in my wrist, and while the aforementioned wrist problem is the only one I care about (The various other aches and pains I have can easily be ignored; I need to be able to use my hand to do my job and to do those few things that I actually enjoy doing. And no, I’m not talking about that, you perverts, though that is pretty much a given.), but he believes all of the problems are related and as such treating one will mean treating them all.
He seemed like a nice enough guy, and as for some of the claims he made about chiropractic techniques…well, let’s just say that I’m trying to keep an open mind and leave it at that.
While I was there Brian actually came in for some sort of adjustment, apparently, though I only heard him and didn’t actually see him.
The doctor took some X-Rays and wants to look over them to determine the course of treatment, and so I’m going back in on Monday.
We’ll see how it goes.
Once I got home I went online and finished up all of my Christmas shopping.
This year was a little unusual in that I didn’t just give money or gift certificates (though I am doing some of that).
Not that I have a lot of people to buy for anyway. In fact, I actually have one less. *Sigh*
Last year at this time I was neck-deep in dealing with the vagaries of home buying, which meant that some people normally on my list got crossed off. I’m hoping that this year will make up for it.
As for the receiving side of Christmas, I’m sure I won’t get a whole lot. I’m not complaining, just stating the fact. I imagine that the gifts I do get will be very nice, but once again we run into one of the many drawbacks of being a loveless loner: there’s no one who’s investing time and money into buying you the perfect gift(s).
After all, friends and family can only devote so much time and money to buying you something, and whatever they do get you just isn’t going to stack up to what a significant other – at least, a thoughtful significant other – will get you.
Oh well, there’s on point in dwelling on it, I guess…unless it’s for the purposes of filling out an otherwise lackluster blog entry.
So with that being said, I present the Threshold Holiday Gift Wish List, a list of things that I will not be finding stuffed in my stocking or under my tree come Christmas morning, particularly since I have neither stocking nor tree.
First up is pretty much any LCD TV as long as it’s 32” or more. The only real requirements I would have would be that it be capable of at least 1080i and have HDMI and DVI inputs.
A newer, larger graphics tablet. The Wacom Intuos3 6x8 (which I almost bought the other day at Circuit City) would be nice, though I wouldn’t have a problem with one of the larger versions, like the 12x19.
Any one of several or a combination of the various DC Comics Absolute Editions would be very nice to have. In particular I would appreciate Absolute Dark Knight, and, of course, Absolute Watchmen.
A mop to clean up the drool caused by me thinking about Absolute Dark Knight and Absolute Watchmen.
On a related note, Frank Miller’s Sin City Library I.
Another mop for the additional drool.
Justice League and Justice League Unlimited DVDs.
For a different nerdly aspect of my personality, the latest edition of The Chicago Manual of Style. Seriously, I’m enough of a geek that this would actually be an ideal present for me.
And finally I’d need an updated DVD player/home theater to complement the new TV.
I guess that’s pretty much it. Most of my wants tend to cluster around the same kinds of things. Any sort of significant other would, I can only assume, be able to figure out some sort of perfect gift that I’d never see coming and wouldn’t know that I wanted until I’d gotten it, but that’s a moot point, and obviously nothing like that can make it onto the list, since I have no idea what it would be.
Many of these things, if not all, I will no doubt eventually buy for myself, and honestly, the fact that I won’t be unwrapping them come Christmas morn pales into insignificance aside the one gift I want above all others, the one wish that I know can never come true.
More than anything, I want my dad back.
Got that in your fucking bag, Santa?
*Sigh* Sorry about that. I didn’t mean for things to take such a downturn, but being on the subject of wishes I found it impossible to avoid ending up there.
In any case, tomorrow marks the end of the non-stop thrill ride that has been my vacation, and then it’ll be back to the salt mines, or rather, the dark, cold, nerdy dungeon. I will no doubt take a day off here and there, but I probably won’t take any significant time off until my annual trip home in the summer, which will most likely mean that once December rolls around I’ll once again have accrued vacation time that I need to use or lose, and once again I will not go to New Zealand on any damn Hobbit tour, no matter how much the idea amuses Scott.
And just as my vacation is drawing to a close, so too is this unexpectedly maudlin entry.
While she was, in many ways, glad to see the last of the place and get a chance at a fresh start, I knew that there was at least some sadness involved in leaving a company that she’s worked at for so long. Besides, whether it’s for the best or not, nobody really wants to go through being laid off.
So with that in mind I told her, “Well, congratulations and...my deepest sympathies.”
My day was a little less momentous, thankfully.
I did go for my first chiropractor appointment to try to get the whole carpal tunnel thing dealt with.
After examining me, he determined that I have a “structural problem” beyond the mere pinching of a nerve in my wrist, and while the aforementioned wrist problem is the only one I care about (The various other aches and pains I have can easily be ignored; I need to be able to use my hand to do my job and to do those few things that I actually enjoy doing. And no, I’m not talking about that, you perverts, though that is pretty much a given.), but he believes all of the problems are related and as such treating one will mean treating them all.
He seemed like a nice enough guy, and as for some of the claims he made about chiropractic techniques…well, let’s just say that I’m trying to keep an open mind and leave it at that.
While I was there Brian actually came in for some sort of adjustment, apparently, though I only heard him and didn’t actually see him.
The doctor took some X-Rays and wants to look over them to determine the course of treatment, and so I’m going back in on Monday.
We’ll see how it goes.
Once I got home I went online and finished up all of my Christmas shopping.
This year was a little unusual in that I didn’t just give money or gift certificates (though I am doing some of that).
Not that I have a lot of people to buy for anyway. In fact, I actually have one less. *Sigh*
Last year at this time I was neck-deep in dealing with the vagaries of home buying, which meant that some people normally on my list got crossed off. I’m hoping that this year will make up for it.
As for the receiving side of Christmas, I’m sure I won’t get a whole lot. I’m not complaining, just stating the fact. I imagine that the gifts I do get will be very nice, but once again we run into one of the many drawbacks of being a loveless loner: there’s no one who’s investing time and money into buying you the perfect gift(s).
After all, friends and family can only devote so much time and money to buying you something, and whatever they do get you just isn’t going to stack up to what a significant other – at least, a thoughtful significant other – will get you.
Oh well, there’s on point in dwelling on it, I guess…unless it’s for the purposes of filling out an otherwise lackluster blog entry.
So with that being said, I present the Threshold Holiday Gift Wish List, a list of things that I will not be finding stuffed in my stocking or under my tree come Christmas morning, particularly since I have neither stocking nor tree.
First up is pretty much any LCD TV as long as it’s 32” or more. The only real requirements I would have would be that it be capable of at least 1080i and have HDMI and DVI inputs.
A newer, larger graphics tablet. The Wacom Intuos3 6x8 (which I almost bought the other day at Circuit City) would be nice, though I wouldn’t have a problem with one of the larger versions, like the 12x19.
Any one of several or a combination of the various DC Comics Absolute Editions would be very nice to have. In particular I would appreciate Absolute Dark Knight, and, of course, Absolute Watchmen.
A mop to clean up the drool caused by me thinking about Absolute Dark Knight and Absolute Watchmen.
On a related note, Frank Miller’s Sin City Library I.
Another mop for the additional drool.
Justice League and Justice League Unlimited DVDs.
For a different nerdly aspect of my personality, the latest edition of The Chicago Manual of Style. Seriously, I’m enough of a geek that this would actually be an ideal present for me.
And finally I’d need an updated DVD player/home theater to complement the new TV.
I guess that’s pretty much it. Most of my wants tend to cluster around the same kinds of things. Any sort of significant other would, I can only assume, be able to figure out some sort of perfect gift that I’d never see coming and wouldn’t know that I wanted until I’d gotten it, but that’s a moot point, and obviously nothing like that can make it onto the list, since I have no idea what it would be.
Many of these things, if not all, I will no doubt eventually buy for myself, and honestly, the fact that I won’t be unwrapping them come Christmas morn pales into insignificance aside the one gift I want above all others, the one wish that I know can never come true.
More than anything, I want my dad back.
Got that in your fucking bag, Santa?
*Sigh* Sorry about that. I didn’t mean for things to take such a downturn, but being on the subject of wishes I found it impossible to avoid ending up there.
In any case, tomorrow marks the end of the non-stop thrill ride that has been my vacation, and then it’ll be back to the salt mines, or rather, the dark, cold, nerdy dungeon. I will no doubt take a day off here and there, but I probably won’t take any significant time off until my annual trip home in the summer, which will most likely mean that once December rolls around I’ll once again have accrued vacation time that I need to use or lose, and once again I will not go to New Zealand on any damn Hobbit tour, no matter how much the idea amuses Scott.
And just as my vacation is drawing to a close, so too is this unexpectedly maudlin entry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
