Seek And...Oh, You Know

The Vaudeville birds were back this morning, practicing their act at 6:30.
I just don’t understand the motivation of animals like that. I mean, why do you need to park your ass in a tree and chirp loudly in sync with another bird who’s parked his ass in the same damn tree?
Then again, there are plenty of people who get home late at night and decide that rather than going inside and sitting down and getting comfortable they should stay out in the parking lot and stand next to the car and talk to each other at ridiculous volumes.
And people are animals (Believe what you want, but there’s just no way around it. Watch animals, then watch people. Same damn thing.), so maybe there’s just a certain level of retardation that entered development early on and we’ve never been able to evolve past it.
Either that or birds, like people, are just thoughtless dicks.
Most of the time I drink water, but I do like some flavor every now and then. Except on weekends, and sometimes if I’m eating out, I try to avoid caffeine, so that means that I tend to go with things like Sprite or various non-caffeinated types of root beer.
When I went shopping yesterday I picked up a couple of two liter bottles of root beer, and after I’d eaten dinner (a salad, Roman-style chicken, garlic and olive oil-flavored couscous, and garlic breadsticks), it occurred to me that a root beer float would be a good dessert.
The only problem was that, while I had root beer, I had no ice cream, and of course I wasn’t about to venture out into the world at that time of day to pick any up.
Still, the thought persisted, and so I went out this morning to pick up some ice cream, which I did.
Of course, I neglected to get straws, which I realized shortly after I got home.
I decided that I’d take this an opportunity to go for a walk.
On Sunday, after I’d eaten my blunch I thought about going for a walk.
Two hours later, after I’d woken up from the nap that I took instead, I thought about it again, but never built up enough ambition.
And then there was yesterday.
So today I went for a walk and bought some straws, and tonight, after dinner (salad, steak prepared in some yet-to-be-determined fashion, and some kind of vegetables), I’ll have a root beer float.
And then I’ll say, “Why was I so obsessed with having a root beer float? I mean, they’re okay, I guess, but they’re nothing to write home – or a blog entry – about.”
Speaking of worthless blog entries, I’ve noticed that my traffic of late is way down.
It was never all that high to begin with, but lately it’s at much lower levels.
I think that part of that is because people are actually starting to read the search results before just blindly clicking on the link and are realizing that they will not find general celebrity bra sizes, Carla Gugino’s bra size, Monica Keena’s bra size, Giada De Laurentis’ bra size, or Giada’s height here, and that they will not learn whether or not Giada is pregnant.
They also won’t find information about Bikini Cavegirl AKA Teenage Cavegirl (beyond the fact that it sucks), a list of the cast of Bikini Cavegirl AKA Teenage Cavegirl, a free download of Bikini Cavegirl AKA Teenage Cavegirl, or anything even remotely related to Bikini Cavegirl AKA Teenage Cavegirl.
And they especially won’t find spf factor nipple clamps, whatever they are.
(Unless they look really closely.)
Of the traffic I do still get, most of it is Giada-related. If they’re not looking to find nude pictures of her (good luck with that), they are, of course, wondering if she’s knocked up and just how tall she is.
For the sheer hell of it, I will answer those questions once again.
Yes, Giada De Laurentis is pregnant, no matter when you’re reading this. Six months from now? Pregnant. A year from now? Pregnant.
How tall is Giada De Laurentis? I once stated that, like all Italians, she is, in fact, a dwarf, and listed her height as 36 inches.
I was incorrect. She is actually 2 feet 9 inches tall.
Oh, and if you want to know Giada’s bra size, it is 38 DD, which is obviously an uncomfortable burden for someone of her diminutive height.
Much of that, of course, is due to the fact that she is lactating because she’s pregnant.
Other common searches – especially on Saturdays, when her show is on – are related to TV personality and former Miss Canada, Tanya Memme.
I don’t have any pictures of her here.
If you do a Google Image Search, you’ll see that there just aren’t many pictures of her to be had. Nothing I can do about that.
You can go to her Web site and check out the few pictures she has there, but you’re not going to find the kind of pictures you’re actually looking for. Remember, just because she’s on TV that doesn’t necessarily mean that there are nude pictures of her in existence And even if they are in existence, that doesn’t mean they’re available on the Web. Besides, even if they are in existence and suddenly do become available on the Web, they still won’t be posted here because that’s not the sort of thing I do.
And you clearly aren’t interested in the things that I actually do, so good luck with your Tanya Memme nude pics searches.
There.
If we assume the “actually reading the results” trend continues, that should pretty much put an end to all of the traffic I receive via search engines.
Smart move on my part.
Oh well.