So I’ve found the one drawback to making the move to home ownership: the condo development has an exclusive deal with some no-name cable company.
Said cable company only provides cable programming and Internet access to condo developments and apartment complexes.
All things considered, despite the many complaints I have about Adelphia, I’d much rather stick with the devil I know, and am leery of this cable company that I’ve never heard of before.
Among the drawbacks to getting service from this company is that they do not have DVRs or offer HD programming.
The DVR part isn’t so important, as I have my computer for that, but the lack of HD is an issue, as I’ve been toying with the notion of making the one irresponsible thing that I do with my new windfall be the purchase of an HD TV.
I think what I’ll do is just go with the basic service and the Internet access initially and suffer with regular TV for a while. After I get settled, I’ll pick up an HD TV and switch to using DirecTV or Dish Network, but keep the cable Internet access (unless it’s possible to switch over to using Verizon’s FIOS).
Of course, while I’ll actually be saving money by going to basic cable, which I had kind of been planning to do anyway, this will mean that I’ll no longer have the all-you-can-eat buffet of programming that I have now.
Which is to say that I won’t have as much soft-core porn to watch late at night.
After all, I currently have multiple channels of Cinemax, a lot of free time, a sex life that’s less active than an amoeba’s, and an appreciation for/helpless fascination with pure cheese, so I end up watching a lot of soft-core porn.
Actually, it would be more accurate to say that I listen to a lot of soft-core porn and just lean back from my computer to glance at the TV to cacth the occasional glimpse of some actress I haven’t seen nude a thousand times already.
Honestly, soft-core porn serves mostly as background noise while I’m busy drawing or writing while I’m at the computer. Sure, some of the chicks in some of the movies are pretty hot (and it’s always a special bonus when I find out that one of the especially hot ones also has a career in hardcore porn), but the real reason to watch (or listen to) them is for the rueful groan-inducing acting, scripts, and special effects.
Honestly, watching a good bad soft-core porn can be a lot like watching an Ed Wood movie. It’s a train wreck, and it’s embarrassing to watch, but you just can’t look away.
Usually they’re so bad that even the fact that the filmmakers know that they’re making a crappy movie, and script and direct them accordingly, can’t make up for just how bad they really are. After all, just because you know it sucks and you’re winking at the audience about how much it sucks doesn’t mean you can be forgiven for dumping this crap onto the late-night premium channel programming line-up and directly into my brain.
For example, last night I watched Bikini Chain Gang, which was the latest in the series of “Bikini” movies (with other examples being Bikini Airways, Bikini Round-Up, and the classic Bikini Cavegirl), which often feature the same cast from movie to movie, with only minor casting changes, and I have to say that even with my expectations as low as it’s possible to get, “Chain Gang” was a major disappointment. Too much emphasis put on the goofiness, not enough emphasis on the hot naked chicks. The fact that you’re spouting off a bunch of deliberately unfunny jokes just isn’t funny anymore. And for Christ’s sake, can we get a soft-core porn that doesn’t have Evan Stone in it for a change?
In any case, one of the things I’ve noticed in my history as an aficionado of grade-Z soft-core porn, is that the soundtrack for pretty much every movie and/or continuing series (such as Hot Line or Hotel Erotica) is provided by a guy going by the name of Herman Beeftink.
Herman Beeftink is the Danny Elfman of soft-core porn. The guy’s music is everywhere.
When you see how many projects he’s composed for, you would initially be impressed by how prolific he is.
After all, to the uninitiated, his body of work is quite impressive.
However, if, like me, you’ve seen/heard a good 80-90% of the projects he provided the music for, you would be considerably less impressed, as it soon becomes apparent that he’s composed maybe a total of ten songs which just get recycled from project to project.
There are some songs that I’ve heard so many times that they’re permanently burned into my brain. If I ever find some random tune stuck in my head, the odds are it’s a Herman Beeftink song.
The funny thing is that, as I switch from channel to channel and movie to movie, I’ll often hear the same music in three or four different shows in one night.
But of course, that will all come to an end as I drop down to basic cable, and as I say hello to home ownership I’ll say goodbye to the work of Herman Beeftink.
I think I may miss that even more than the hot (simulated) girl on girl action.
Then again, maybe not.
On the TV front, leaving Adelphia behind means that I’ll have to transfer over anything saved on my DVR that I want to keep to my computer. I don’t think I have too much on there, though, and most of that has been saved largely for the purpose of doing some video captures.
The plus side of making the move, beyond the obvious benefits of home ownership, is that the new place has a better fitness center than the one at work even, so I give up on the whole getting up early and driving in early to work out before work, which, to be honest, I haven’t actually been doing lately anyway, but ideally, once I get settled in I will get back into having some kind of workout schedule.
Also, they have a sauna, which, to this particular Finnish boy, is a very welcome amenity.
(For the record, to all of you non-Finns and non-Yoopers out there, please correct your mental mispronunciation of the word “sauna.” You probably read it as “saw-na.” It is, in fact, pronounced “sow-nuh.” The au actually makes an ou sound, as in “out” or “south.” So it’s “sow” as in a female pig, with the accent, as with all Finnish words, on the first syllable. Hearing the word pronounced “saw-na” is like listening to nails on chalkboard.)
On the shift change front at work, it looks like things will be staying the way they are for a while, as absolutely no one was willing to make the switch to working Sunday through Wednesday in place of the existing M-Th schedule.
In any case, finally having the last piece of condo-related anxiety resolved makes for a nice way to round out the week.
I hope you all have a good weekend.
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