I’m sure the eloquence of the previous post goes a long way towards explaining how it is that I’ve been single for nearly a decade now (as does the mug shot in the upper right corner).
Mostly I was just impressed by how hot the chick on the Wal-Mart flier was, so I thought I’d find a way to incorporate her into Threshold in some fashion.
Then I thought it would be funny to go the “Beavis and Butt-Head” route with the letter.
I’m not actually desperate enough to resort to trying to use the Internet to get in touch with some random chick I spotted in a Wal-Mart ad.
Okay, maybe I am that desperate, but I’m not foolish enough to think that it would pay off in any fashion beyond getting a laugh from my small yet faithful core of Threshold readers.
Besides, for all I know “Mandy” isn’t even legal.
Sure, she looks mature, but looks can be deceiving.
I mean, come on, anyone can make a mistake, right?
Right?
Come on, fellas, back me up here. We all make mistakes once in a while.
Don’t we?
I mean, how was I supposed to know that girl was only fourteen? I swear, I thought she was twenty-six! She sure didn’t act like she was fourteen, if you know what I mean. And just because I met her outside the middle school, that doesn’t prove anything…
Okay, okay; you can stop being appalled; I’m just joking. Except for the two months between my eighteenth birthday and my then-girlfriend’s, I’ve never had any encounters of the jailbait kind.
And as we all know, it’s been a long, long, looooooong time since I’ve had an encounter of any kind anyway.
I did actually have something of an encounter with a redhead named Mandy (though actually I think it was “Mandi”) a long time ago.
It didn’t lead to anything, obviously, but it was memorable despite the copious amount of alcohol involved.
Mandi had the potential to be pretty, but that potential was marred by the big, splotchy freckles she was covered with.
They had the appearance of liver spots, and gave her skin a leathery quality that made her look much older than she actually was.
Still, while my beer goggles were never as strong a prescription as some (*cough*Eric!*cough*), they did blur my vision a time or two.
Besides, overall she was a pretty cool person, and it’s not like she was completely unattractive.
And how could I not like someone who once got in a fight with a stripper over me? Well, not just me, as there were other issues involved, but I was at least a component in the battle.
I might have been willing to pursue something with Mandi, but our drunken encounters primarily resulted only in awkward moments in the cold, sober light of day, and I never managed to find a way to broach the subject before I got shit-canned from my job (she was a receptionist where I worked). I had a vague idea of where she lived, but I never sought her out, and eventually I left Minnesota behind forever (or at least for the past four years, though it’s probably safe to say that I’m unlikely to ever return).
Of course, in those days I was in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone that wasn’t a bottle of vodka anyway.
You know, I say that I was in no shape to be in a relationship, and other people have said similar things to me over the years, and yet it’s not as if good mental health is some sort of prerequisite for having a relationship.
I mean, if we all had to wait until our lives and mental states were stable most of us would never hook up in the first place.
Hell, I figure that seeking out someone whose life and mental health are in a total state of disarray is pretty much the only way I’m ever going to trick anyone into going out with me.
Honestly, I think my target demographic probably consists entirely of recently deprogrammed cult members. They’re probably the only people vulnerable enough and sufficiently suggestible to fall for what I laughingly call my charm.
Anyway, moving on to other subjects, I should mention that apart from my brief trip to Safeway last night I haven’t ventured out into the world at all this week.
Even before the whole $200 Sprint fiasco I was a little strapped for cash, so I wanted to keep my trips out into the world to a minimum, since they usually cost me money.
Now I’m down to having $16 to live on after I pay rent, so the cupboards are going to be pretty bare around here.
I’ve got over $100 in Wal-Mart gift cards, but the Wal-Mart around here has a pretty limited selection as far as food goes.
Besides, I don’t think that Pam, Logistics Manager, works there anyway, so it’s not like I’d be able to gain some access to Mandy via my local Wal-Mart.
Apart from the money thing, though, I’ve just been feeling this vague and undefined sense of low-level anxiety all week. I’m not really sure what’s behind it, but it’s made me feel even more inclined than usual to stick close to home.
Of course, it could actually be a result of spending so much time at home. Who can say?
In any case, I think that’s about it for today. Come back tomorrow when I will present the first-ever Threshold Year in Review!
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