Universal Serial Buzz

Yesterday evening I went to see Battle: Los Angeles with a bunch of other guys.

(For the record, it was okay. A little too talky during the first two acts as the filmmakers tried to make me care about the personal lives and histories of the people who were all very clearly going to die in the course of the movie. But lots of explosions and whatnot, so it fulfilled its purpose pretty well.)

To kill time before heading over to the theater I stopped at the Best Buy in Sterling, which is slightly larger and has more of a selection than the one here in the 'burg.

The parking lot was relatively full, and it's my policy to just park wherever I can, as I'd rather just walk the distance than spend minutes driving around trying to find a slightly closer spot. Plus doing so usually gives me time to smoke a cigarette (more on that in the next section) while I walk.

Sometime before I left Leesburg I picked up a sugar-free Nos (energy drink), and had mostly finished it during my drive, so as I walked towards the store I brought it with me to finish it off as I walked and dispose of the can once I got there.

Some random guy, who was walking to his parked car said, "You shouldn't be drinking that!"

I turned to regard him with a combination of puzzlement and annoyance (which, I'm sure, just looked like plain old annoyance), and he said, "...if you're buying a new iPad. The line is ridiculous!"

I shrugged and said, "Um, okay. Fortunately, I'm not buying an iPad."

I'm assuming the point he was getting at was that I would find myself in a state of urinary distress if I went into the store to pick up the latest "must have" device while fully-hydrated.

Two things:

1. I'm a diabetic. I pretty much have to pee all the time anyway.

2. Don't talk to me, random guy I don't know.

Granted, he would have no way of knowing about the first thing, but as for the second, I'm not a friendly person, and there isn't anything about me that suggests that I might be a friendly person. I've been told that I exude an aura of hostility that most people can pick up, often to my detriment. After all, the same visible prickliness that - usually - keeps random guys from talking to me also keeps random attractive women from talking to me. (Though to be fair, it may be more accurate to say that I just look creepy, but "aura of hostility" sounds cooler.)

I often wonder what it is that prevents some people from perceiving that aura. Is it some sort of defect in their perceptions? A willful blindness?

Whatever the cause, I don't like the effect.

These are the circumstances in which it's okay for you to talk to me if you're some random person that I don't know:

I am on fire, or in some other form of immediate mortal danger, and don't seem to be aware of it.

You are an attractive woman.

You think my nerdy T-shirt is awesome. (Happened today when I was out in the world wearing my Venture Bros. shirt.) Even in that case, unless you're an attractive woman, the interaction should be limited to something like, "Hey, awesome shirt."

It's not that difficult to understand, people.

******

Vaping In The Boys' Room Department

Last week, what with all of the extra money I've got, I decided to give in to my curiosity and try out an electronic cigarette.

From what I've read, given that they have no tobacco in them, they're slightly less damaging to your health, and while not designed to be a smoking cessation device, they can be used to help you quit smoking, in that you can gradually decrease the amount of nicotine contained in the cartridges.

I ordered a kit from a company called Modern Vapor.

I expected to get my shipment by Monday, or Tuesday at the latest. I'd had it shipped to work, since I'm never home for deliveries, but by Wednesday I still hadn't gotten an e-mail from the mailroom telling me to pick up my package, so I went online to check the status of my order. Turns out that it had been shipped by US Priority Mail, and had been delivered on Monday. Which meant that the mailroom people had simply put it in my mailbox rather than setting it aside for me to pick it up. D'oh.

So on Thursday morning I swung by my mailbox and picked it up.

I'd ordered the "ultimate" kit, which came with a bunch of pre-filled cartridges, ready-to-fill cartridges, the "e-liquid" for the aforementioned filling, a spare battery and a spare atomizer, a multitude of chargers, and a USB pass-through device.

I was actually running out of cigarettes that day, so I started to make the transition, favoring the e-cigarette over the remaining regular cigarettes whenever possible.

By Thursday night I'd gone through the few remaining cigarettes and was exclusively relying on the e-cig.

...

I spent most of Friday bumming actual cigarettes from people. I wasn't exactly going through nicotine withdrawals, but even with the full-strength cartridges I was finding that the e-cig didn't quite take the edge off.

Mostly the problem seems to be that I can't get consistent results from the e-cig. Sometimes I can get a good, strong drag, but other times it's like just barely getting a puff off of a regular cigarette that's going out. Other times it's like taking a drag off of an unlit cigarette: the flavor is there, but not the full experience.

One of the advantages to the e-cig - apart from not having nearly as many carcinogens as a regular cigarette - is that the "smoke" it produces is actually just water vapor. Technically, you can smoke - or "vape" - anywhere, as it's not actual smoke and doesn't pose the dangers of secondhand smoke. Plus it's mostly odorless - if you've ever been around a smoke/fog machine, it smells a bit like that - and dissipates quickly. So I've had no qualms about vaping in my house or my car. I'm not quite bold enough to do it at my desk at work, as that would probably lead to too many questions, but I have taken some hits while I've been using restroom at work.

In any case, yesterday I tried using the USB pass-through device.

Basically, the body of the e-cigarette consists of a battery that's similar in size and shape to the part of a regular cigarette that contains the tobacco, an atomizer/heating element, and the e-liguid cartridge itself, which, combined, are the size and shape of a cigarette filter.

The USB pass-through has a USB cable connected to the tip of the battery portion, so you can actually plug it in to your computer, or, via an adapter, a wall outlet.

I got the "automatic" batteries, which heat up the atomizer as you take a drag. The USB version, though, is "manual," and has a button you push to engage the atomizer. I'm finding that the button works a lot better, as it gives you more control over the amount of vapor you pull when you take a drag.

So if I'm going to continue using the product - which I hope to do, if for no other reason than that, after the initial investment, the cartridges are a lot cheaper than cigarettes - I may need to order a manual battery.

In the meantime I decided that I should extend the transition period, so I picked up some regular cigarettes to supplement the e-cig. So far I am smoking at least a little bit less.

Apart from the inconsistent results, the other problem I find is that I don't know when I'm done.

With a regular cigarette, you run out of tobacco as it burns down, so you know when you're finished. However, e-cig cartridges contain the equivalent of several cigarettes' worth of nicotine, so you have to self-regulate. I'm not great at that.

Also, not having any ashes to flick, while less messy, is something that I was surprised to find that I missed.

Of course, having my e-cig plugged into a USB port on my computer while I write this does make me feel like I'm smoking from some sort of futuristic high-tech hookah...

Busy Day

This morning I got up and was taking advantage of the fact that even though I had a dentist appointment I actually had some time to sit around because it wasn’t until 11:20 by sitting around. About 45 minutes into my sitting around the phone rang. It was my dentist office asking if I could come in earlier. I still hadn’t showered, so I told them I’d be about 45 minutes, which would make it about 50 minutes earlier than my original appointment.
I did a little bit more sitting around, then showered and was on my way.
When I got there Tabitha, whose boobs looked especially good today, though overall she was a bit of mess (kind of puffy looing with some breakouts), was on the phone, but she waved to me as I came in.
I just remain baffled by the 180 she’s made in the last two years or so in terms of how she responds to me. She used to be fairly dismissive and just slightly contemptuous of me, but somewhere along the line she got really friendly (in relative terms).
I don’t think that it’s because she’s into me or anything because, well, duh, I’m Jon, so that’s not a possibility.
Besides, I just noticed that’s she’s got a sizeable rock on her finger.
I think that’s new from when I last did a ring check.
Still, I remain puzzled by her change in behavior. Maybe it’s not just me. Maybe there were some complaints and she started being nicer to all of the patients.
In any case, my actual appointment took about 45 minutes, and then there was about 5 minutes of confusion over the bill. First I was charged, then that was voided because I shouldn’t have been charged, apparently.
I go back on the 6th (too early in the morning to get any sitting around time) to get my permanent crown put in.
From there I headed off to Wal-Mart.
I picked up a couple of DVDs (The Prestige and Hellboy: Sword of Storms) and some shampoo.
All of the lines were really long and most of the self-checkout lanes were closed, so I got in the “express” lane.
The guy ahead of me was wearing a jean jacket and these faded jeans that made me think, “Hey, is it 1988? Because if it is 1988, what am I doing in Virginia? My parents and girlfriend must be worried sick about me.” Then I concluded that even if it were 1988, the guy would still have been too old to be dressed like that.
Shortly after that he turned around and noticed that I only had three items and, admitting that he actually had one more item than the sign allows for, offered to let me go ahead of him.
It made me think, “Gee, maybe I should take back the mean things I was thinking about him.”
I decided that I shouldn’t because they were funny.
From there it was over to Best Buy where I saw and nearly purchased this, because it would be cool and would make for an easy, non-invasive way for me to add a second TV tuner and HD capability to Hugin, but decided against it.
(I did buy something else while I was there, but I’ll write about that on another day, as there’s quite a bit I want to say about it.)
Next stop was Uno’s for lunch, and then I made my way home.
While home I decided that I should head back out again to try to get the emissions inspection done, this time opting for a different location.
The result was the same: the car didn’t have the necessary data.
The guy working there suggested that, since this was the third time it had failed I should go to The Tire Shop to get it checked out.
So I did. They hooked up a monitor and drove the car around for an hour in an attempt to reset the car’s systems and capture the data.
The good news is that it worked and I finally got the test done. The bad news is that it cost me an extra $85.
Between Wal-Mart and Best Buy I had stopped at the bank to deposit a check. While I was filling out the deposit slip some old guy came up next to me and started talking to me like I’m his neighbor or something, complaining about the weather.
I’m always baffled when people come up and talk to me, as it’s been my understanding that I exude a “don’t talk to me” vibe that most people find off-putting. Some would even say that there’s a palpable air of hostility about me.
It’s not necessarily conscious or even intentional, it’s just the way things are. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to flip out if people talk to me, it’s just that for the most part I’d rather they didn’t, and somehow it shows.
(Often even when I really don’t want it to; some people have told me that it’s part of what keeps women away.)
Anyway, the point is that I’m usually sort of surprised when random people try to strike up conversations with me, and I wonder why it is that they don’t seem to pick up on whatever it is that keeps most people away. What sort of social retardation is it that makes them oblivious to the subtle cues that more sensible people pick up on?
Generally, as was the case today, it’s old people who slip through my antisocial force field, so maybe there’s some critical faculty that tells you that people don’t want to talk to you as you get older.
(On a related note, my mother is able to pick up on it when people don’t want to talk to her, but when she does, she will do everything she can to prolong a conversation just to make the other person squirm. Why? Because she’s like that, and it’s fun.)
Anyway, the guy said, “I don’t know where they got 50 from.”
(These are the exact words that he initiated the conversation with. I wasn’t even looking in his direction; he just started talking.)
He continued, “It’s more like 35. It’s so cold it could knock you down.”
I wanted to say, “It’s much warmer than 35 out there, and even if it were only 35, that you would find that cold enough to ‘knock you down’ means you’re an incredible pussy.”
Instead, I simply made some sort of noncommittal sounds and said, in disagreement with his statement that it was just as cold as yesterday, “It’s quite a bit warmer today,” though what I really wanted to say was, “Don’t speak to me” and then turn towards him menacingly and add, “Don’t speak to me ever again.”
Sadly, I can’t deliver that line in quite the pant shitting-inducing fashion that Clancy Brown does as The Kurgan in Highlander, so I never bother with it, though I really, really wish I could pull it off.
In any case, that was my exciting and unexpectedly expensive day.
At least the damned emissions thing is finally taken care of, though I wish it could have been a little cheaper.
Oh, and the guy who rung me up at the Tire Shop was creepy. Like Rutger Hauer in The Hitcher creepy. I was just sitting there reading an e-book while I waited and I heard him really quietly say my name like he was just testing out how it sounded and he was sort of stretching it out slowly. Like, “Joooooooonnnnnnn.” When I looked up he was just staring at me with this really weird smile, and every time he said anything it was in that low, drawn-out fashion.
I really don’t know what was up with that.
Oh well, at least I don’t have to venture out into the world tomorrow, so I won’t be running into any talkative old people or creepy cashiers.