For You Cavegirl Fans

For those of you who come here seeking all things related to the appallingly bad "erotic" comedy/soft-core porn movie known alternatively as Bikini Cavegirl or Teenage Cavegirl, go here. This NSFW site should meet all of your cavegirl needs in ways that this blog can't, and, more importantly, won't.

A Couple Of Things

You may (or may not) have noticed a new link over on the right to a site called Dave's Long Box.
What is this site, you ask? It's a comics-related blog run by a guy named Dave Campbell who boldly states, "I'm going to review my comic book collection and you're going to like it."
And I do like it. Reading his reviews is a great way for any comics fan to pass the time. Be prepared to laugh your geeky ass off.
I've noticed a few people coming here on Teenage/Bikini Cavegirl searches who are specifically looking to find the next time it will air on HBO or Cinemax.
That brings me to Jon's Tip Of The Day: go to freakin' IMDb! Listings for movies and TV shows now include when/where it will be airing.
(For the record, the next US airing is Monday, March 5, 2007, at 12:40 AM on Cinemax. Happy? Wouldn't you feel better if you'd found that out for yourself? Well, I don't care if you would or not: next time find it your damn self.)
One other thing about IMDb? Sometimes - but only sometimes, and mostly only in the case of Playboy/Penthouse models and pornstars - the biographies for actresses include their bra sizes (or at least what someone, who may or may not actually know, says their bra sizes are).
For those wondering, for the picture I posted the other day I used a screen capture of actress Monique Parent/Scarlett Johansing /Scarlet Johansing /Scarlet Johanssing /Marnay Miranda, most known for being credited by many names and for appearing in late-night Cinemax soft-core porn fare.
When it comes to soft-core porn she's what you'd call "prolific." Not sure why she settled on the various versions of Scarlet Johanwhatever, as she first started using the name well before Scarlett Johansson became a big name.
Anyway, that covers the information I wanted to pass along.

Equal Opportunity Post

Okay, for the nudity-impaired (those impaired in some way in their ability to view nudity, not impaired in their ability to be nude) among you, a quickly added bikini top gives you the opportunity to behold the mediocrity that is my art.
Behold.

Monokini Cavegirl

Okay, in response to the hits I get from people searching on the movie Bikini Cavegirl (AKA Teenage Cavegirl), I've done a few cavegirl pictures, though none of them have actually been related to the movie.
However, a bit ago I found a picture of actress Jezebelle Bond, who played Tahra, the titular - in more ways than one - cavegirl (whether it be Teenage or Bikini), dressed up in (part of) her costume from the movie and so I did a picture (using the line art/vector shading style) for those Cavegirl purists out there who want to see Jezebelle as Tahra getting the artistic treatment.
Be advised that she is topless in the picture, so keep that in mind before clicking on the link to this NSFW picture.
So there you go. I'm sure if you search Usenet or the torrents you'll find all kinds of pictures and videos of Jezebelle in even greater state of undress and engaging in all sorts of naughty behavior, but, once again, you won't find that here.
Oh, and on the topic of weird search strings, I've gotten enough people coming here on this one that I really need to know what's up with the whole "is Giada a dwarf?" thing.
WTF are you people looking for? Are you talking about some other Giada besides the Crazy Hot Italian Chick? If so, wouldn't it be rather easy to tell? I mean, sure, there's some sort of distinction between the different kinds of little people, but what does it matter to you if this other Giada is suffering from dwarfism versus cretinism?
Is there some weird rumor that's going around that they're using special effects to make her look like she isn't one on her show?
If you are talking about Giada De Laurentis, I can tell you from personal experience that she is actually a fairly tall woman, well over five feet and by no stretch (or compression) of the imagination could she be considered a dwarf, unless she's actually from a race of giants or something. Is that what the rumor is?
But I want to know what this is about. Is it a WoW/Everquest thing? Midget porn? What is the deal?
Seriously, if you are a person who came here to find out if Giada - whoever she may be - is a dwarf, please leave a comment explaining why you're trying to find that out. You can leave it anonymously, but please explain it to me.
(Oh, and I still don't know if she's pregnant.)

Afterthought

I forgot to mention in the previous post that, in looking at some of the other results people get when their Web searches lead them here, I discovered that there is a Wikipedia entry on Bikini Cavegirl.
It's rather incomplete and poorly-written, but even that is more than the movie actually deserves.

New Cavegirl Picture

They don't generate the kind of traffic that they used to, but Web searches on Bikini Cavegirl still manage to lead some people here.
The majority of said people are most likely looking for hardcore porn pics of Jezebelle Bond, to which all I can say is get a clue: learn how to make use of Usenet. The place is full of pictures of her spreading this, sucking that, and inserting whatnot into her whosit. This blog will not provide you with any of those pictures, so don't bother coming here if that's what you're after.
Hell, just do a Google image search; you're bound to find more of what you're looking for that way then you will by coming here.
There are also people looking for some particular information about the movie, to which I say, I don't know if they were really having sex in the movie. Even though three out of the four women appearing in the movie, and one of the men, are adult film stars, it seems unlikely just based on how much it looks like they're faking it.
However, I do not claim to be an authority on the subject, so if that's what you want to know, this site is of no use to you.
Anyway, to get to the point, as most of you know, in response to those searches, I drew a picture of a bikini cavegirl (though not necessarily the one from the movie).
I did that picture in a different style, making it sort of comic.
The other day I found a picture that would be perfect for a sequel (There was a girl, in a bikini, standing at the mouth of a cave; kind of a no-brainer) to that picture, but done in my more traditional style.
And here is the result:



And yes, I do know that mentioning Biki - that movie so often is bound to generate even more traffic from frustrated weirdoes with questionable taste in entertainment, but I just can't help but be fascinated by how many people out there are seeking out information on that shitty, shitty stupid-ass movie.
I mean, sure, I watched it, just like I've watched most of the "Bikini" movies because I'm kind of a masochist when it comes to cheesy soft-core porn, but I didn't go out and do Web searches on it afterwards. All I did was just mention, in passing, that I'd watched it, doing so in my typical self-deprecating style, in a Threshold entry. That's it.
Anyway, enjoy the picture, or don't, and best of luck to those of you who are still out there searching. I hope that, someday, you find whatever the hell it is you're looking for.