Hello Associate,
We noticed that you were accepted to the Amazon.com Associate Program several weeks ago but have yet to refer a sale.
Why not just be blunt, Amazon?
Hello Associate,
We noticed that your blog sucks, you barely get any traffic, the traffic you do get is from people who are looking for slash fiction, information on celebrity brassieres and images of the contents therein, and the marital status and/or height of said celebrities, and further, those unlucky Web surfers who do end up on your blog get away from it as quickly as is humanly possible. So getting them to click on one of the Amazon ads to buy something is completely out of the fucking question.
P.S. You suck.
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