A Conversation

Via IM:

Me: as i've said many times, i've come to believe that they actuall add fat to the water up there. it's like fluoridation and chlorination. "well, while we're at it, let's add some fat."
Scott: lol
Me: d'oh. this time i actually meant to type "actually" and failed.
Me: stupid lack of self-actualization.
Me: self-actuallyization?
Scott: Yes, you're an idiot
Me: well, i can afford to be now that i've lost so much weight and am beautiful.
Me: "that doesn't make any sense!" "it doesn't have to, lois! i'm beautiful!"
Scott: That's true. You should become a doctor.
Scott: I was thinking 30 Rock, but yeah, Family Guy did it first.
Me: yeah
Me: anyway, beautiful or not, i don't want to end up handless.
Me: like 30 Rock guy.
Scott: true dat
Me: that would bring my sex life to a grinding halt.
Scott: er
Me: unless...
Scott: ~~~awkward~~~
Me: i could get fleshlights for prosthetics!
Scott: You'd be the life of the party, then!
Me: <---breaks out pocket knife and eyes wrist
Scott: I don't know which party, but I'm sure there's some party somewhere just waiting for a man with fleshlights for hands to show up.
Scott: You could even have a catchphrase like Louie!
Me: "Who wants a hand job!"
Scott: "I wanna dip your balls in it!" doesn't quite work, does it.