It's Official

I hate my lawn.
Why?
Let me list the reasons:

Weed killer, no matter what type I use, kills the grass and not the weeds. The weeds seem to feed on it.

The grass that manages to survive grows at a supernatural rate.

Somehow the soil in the backyard is different from the soil in the front and side, so, combined with the fact that it gets more direct sunlight, it grows even faster and is much fuller and nicer-looking, and doesn't get nearly as many weeds. It's exactly the sort of yard I would like to have actually visible, as opposed to the patchy, weed-covered POS I have out in front for all the world to see.

The final straw was that a random piece of debris got hurled out by the mower and hit my car, putting two big scratches in the passenger side door.

And, worst of all, I've become that guy: the guy who spends way too much time thinking about his lawn.