The 1% Gambit

Lots of people have various superstitious rituals that they make use of every day, assorted methods for attempting to bargain with the Universe (or Fate, or God, or whatever you want to call it) in an attempt to get the things that they want out of life.
Last week I mentioned my own attempt at striking a bargain with the Universe, and mentioned how it did not appear to work.
In light of that apparent failure, I fell back on a ritual that I have come to call The 1% Gambit, or, as it can alternatively be called, Giving Up Hope.
Or rather, Giving Up 99% Of Hope.
Last week when I didn’t hear back about the job I’m really interested in, I gave up hope, or at least gave up most of it, holding on to just 1% of it, The idea is to trick the Universe into thinking that I’ve given up so that it will decide that I’ve suffered enough, move on, and cut me a break.
Of course I know that you can’t actually bargain with, cajole, or trick the Universe into doing what you want it to do, but the fact remains that this morning I got a call and tomorrow I go in for an interview.
So now I’m at about 2% hope. We’ll have to wait and see whether or not the hope grows.
I really hate job interviews. A job interview is worse than a first date. After all, the whole “Do I move in for a kiss?” thing tends to be even more awkward.
Still, it does feel good to finally get called in for one, and honestly, I have a lot more experience with job interviews than I do with first dates.
One annoying thing about this one was that I had to fill out an application to bring with me. The application (and authorization for a background check) asked for all kinds of information that I don’t really have about previous jobs, like former supervisors. It’s been over six years since I worked for anyone other than AOL. Who knows if any of them are even still at the companies I worked for?
It also asked for my previous addresses for the past seven years. I don’t remember that kind of crap, or keep records. I had to leave one place out because the only thing I could remember was the name of the street.
Anyway, shouldn’t it be the job of the people doing the background check to find that information?
But whatever. I’m not too concerned, as I passed a background check to get into AOL six years ago, and this new job is with a company that’s a different branch on the same corporate tree.
After doing my laundry today – I had absolutely no clean socks or underwear – I headed out into the world briefly to get a haircut, buy some batteries for my new garbage can (which will now freak me out every time I move past it to get something from the cabinet near it and the lid automatically opens), and stop at the comic shop. Scott didn’t join me today, as he’s got the 1st and 15th Blues.
(Because he’s on salary, he gets paid semi-monthly, on the 1st and the 15th, so he’s short on his comic book budget this week.)
Apparently while frolicking in the “enchanted forest,” the squirrel told one of its woodland friends about what a great attic I have, and so it decided to venture forth and see it for itself.
This morning I’d looked out my kitchen window and had a “No fucking way” moment as I saw a squirrel running along my fence. For a moment I thought I was seeing a ghost, though that was, of course, impossible, as it’s not like I killed the squirrel or anything. *Cough*
Later in the day I heard the pitter-patter of squirrel feet up in the attic, and so I’ve set the trap once more.
Without a ladder I can’t really find the spot where the squirrels are getting in, and I can’t spare the money to hire someone to check for me, so I guess I’m going to have to keep relying on the trap.
In addition to being called about the interview, I received some other good news in the form of a letter informing me that I’ve won $70,000! All I have to do is send a check for $2,890 to cover “administrative costs.”
“But Jon,” you say, “do you have that kind of money to spare right now?”
Sadly, no, I don’t, but luckily the people awarding the prize were kind enough to send me a check for $2,990 which I can use to pay those costs! Hurray!
Obviously I realize this is a scam, but I have to say that it was kind of novel to receive a scam letter via snail-mail rather than a scam e-mail.
I’m sort of unclear about how the included check aspect works. Do they wait for me to deposit it and then get my account number from the returned check somehow? Are they just willing to make a risky investment in the hopes that it’ll pay off? What would happen if I were to bring the check to a check cashing place?
The check itself was issued from a Teacher’s Credit Union in Colorado (though the company awarding the “prize” is in Canada).
I couldn’t find much information online about the specifics of the scam.
Anyone out there have any details on exactly how this scam works? I mean, I can see the obvious way of running it: get me to give them all of my account information so that they can “deposit my prize,” but what purpose does the check serve?
Just curious. Obviously I’m not going to try cashing it or depositing it (depositing it anywhere other than my shredder, that is).