Better To Be The Guy With The "Cool" House Than The Old Guy With The Scary House

So I did end up getting some trick or treaters. I’d estimate the number at somewhere around twenty.
I didn’t think I was going to get any, as the first wave didn’t actually hit until almost 8. There were basically two clusters, with a lone girl in between.
Even though I gave out a lot, I still have a buttload of candy left over.
It’s actually kind of a shame, as most of it is chewy (Milk Duds and Dots), and I’m not really a fan of chewy candies, as, if I’m wearing my partials the candy sticks to them and pulls them loose, and if I’m not wearing them, there are a lot of nooks and crannies in my teeth for the candy to get stuck in.
For whatever reason, my house seemed to be a big hit with many of the kids. Several of them said things like, “Wow, you’ve got a cool house!” while others expressed their agreement and tried to worm their way in for a better look.
Kids are weird.
Of course, I’m thinking that the principle source of “coolness” was my TV.
None of the costumes really stood out, and honestly, many of the kids just seemed to be wearing cloaks or something. The only recognizable costume I saw was a Superman costume, which stood out for obvious reasons.
I was surprised by how polite the kids were; the majority of them thanked me without any sort of parental prompting.
Before meeting Scott at the comic shop I drove out to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things and learned that Wal-Mart on Halloween is nearly as bad as Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve. The place was just crazy.
It didn’t help that they had very few lines open and that several of the self-checkout machines were out of order, or that they’d apparently just grabbed a homeless person off the street and put her behind the register in the express lane.
In addition to being greasy and seeming generally disoriented, she was a toothless “chewer,” one of those people who is constantly moving her mouth as if chewing on something, which is lent a certain freakishness by the lack of teeth, as their jaws move up much further than they really ought to.
Basically, she was one of these:




WTF are you chewing on with no teeth? A lifetime of bitter resentment and the inability to accept change? Just stop! It looks gross and sounds worse.
(I tried to find a picture via an image search, but couldn’t find the sort of old men swallowing their own faces thing I was looking for, though I did find a lot of porn images that featured young women swallowing something else entirely, which is really only to be expected if you use the word “swallowing” in a search, though how “old geezer” turned up images of chicks taking it in the rear is beyond me.)
(And yes, I do realize that my unfair portrayal of the elderly as bitter, toothless racists is mean, and that with my own aforementioned semi-toothlessness I’m living in a glass house - albeit a cool glass house if you ask the local kids - but come on, the toothless chewing thing is just gross.)
Anyway, after that it was off to the comic shop. Scott couldn’t stay for our customary “dunch,” as he had to get home for Halloween-related activities.
While I was waiting for Scott and just wandering around, I thought I’d spotted my Realtor, David.
I wasn’t completely sure that it was him, as he didn’t look quite massive enough, but then I saw a car nearby that looked like his and said “Realtor” on the license plate, and as he lives in that area, and I’ve encountered him there before, I decided it must be him. So as I walked past, I stopped and waved at him to get his attention. He said, “Hey, how are you doing?” and I said, “Oh, sorry, thought you were someone else, as I knew it wasn’t him the moment he spoke.
So if you’re reading this David, you’ve got yourself a mini-you doppelganger out there. If you’re life is ever in danger, you can use him as a decoy.
Apart from inadvertently discovering that the light in the shed where my dryer is located is motion-sensitive, which is weird because it’s the sort of bare lightbulb light you’d find in a cellar or an attic, complete with pull chain, that’s pretty much everything of note that happened today.