At Least It's Not Bats In My Belfry

So I was sitting at the computer minding my own business, as, after all, I have no one else’s business to mind, when I heard an odd noise.
I didn’t think much of it, as there was a moving truck at the house across the street and it seemed likely that the noise was coming from the movers’ activities.
Then I heard something else that definitely sounded like it was coming from inside the house.
I checked all of the rooms but didn’t see anything amiss.
After the third or fourth time it became clear that the noises were coming from the attic.
So I went up, flashlight in one hand, broom in the other, and sure enough I spotted a squirrel crouched in the back corner amid the insulation.
I knew that little son of a bitch was going to be trouble when I spotted him in the backyard last week after he’d knocked over the garbage can in my shed (from which he had stolen some dryer lint like some furry version of Burt Reynolds in Striptease).
So I went online to find the best way to deal with it.
It seems that a live trap is the best way to catch one, as poison will just lead to a dead squirrel in some unreachable area stinking up the place, and if a rat trap doesn’t catch it it’ll learn to avoid the trap.
So I headed off to Home Depot and asked the nearest goober where the traps were. When I said, “I have a squirrel in my attic,” he responded, “That ain’t good.”
Oh, really goober? Because I was thinking that it was fucking grand. You couldn’t tell by the way I was looking for a trap to either capture or kill the damn thing?
Okay, that’s unfairly hostile on my part, and naturally I didn’t actually say any of that, but when you’ve spent as much time working in technical support-related jobs as I have, you learn a lot about how much havoc a squirrel can wreak on things like your Internet connection.
He didn’t think they sold live traps and suggested that I try mothballs, though my research on the subject had indicated that mothballs do nothing to deter squirrels.
Eventually, though, he spotted the live traps on the bottom shelf and we found one that actually had a picture of a squirrel on it.
For the sheer hell of it, and because it certainly couldn’t hurt anything, I also bought some mothballs, which I’ve carpetbombed the attic with.
When last I checked the trap was still empty, and the mothballs hadn’t chased it away, as I could hear it skittering around.
Assuming that the trap gets sprung at some point, the question becomes what to do with it.
Apparently some squirrels that have been caught and then released in the wild have returned from a distance of more than 25 miles (and presumably returns that much wiser for the experience and knows to avoid the trap).
As I said to the goober at Home Depot, I have no qualms about killing the thing.
That is to say, I would have no qualms about using a lethal trap if what I’d read hadn’t suggested that such a method was ineffective.
But actually personally killing it? That’s another matter all together.
And then there’s the matter of finding where it got in and sealing that off.
*Sigh*