The Semi-Slutty Emo Sundress

I got up this morning and prepared to venture out into the world to go grocery shopping, but soon realized that it’s been a while since I’d last done the laundry, and so I had no clean socks.
Having no other options – apart from wearing dress socks, which I didn’t want to do on such a warm day because they get really sweaty, sticky, and generally nasty when it’s hot out – I decided to delay the journey out a little more than usual and first do a load of laundry.
In addition to picking up groceries I had to go to the post office to pick up a certified letter. It’s the official buy-back offer from the condo developer. Naturally they tried to deliver it while I was at work. Three out of five weekdays I’m at home; they had to try to deliver it on one of the two that I’m not?
Anyway, there was, naturally, a substantial line at the post office, longer even than the one at Subway yesterday, though this one, surprisingly, moved much more quickly.
I don’t really know how things stand on the buy-back front. The other owners had a meeting on Saturday, which I obviously didn’t go to, and they haven’t given those of us who were absent any real info, as they’re planning to have a weeknight meeting for anyone who missed it.
After I left the post office it was off to the grocery store.
While there I saw a kind of interesting chick whom I wanted to get a closer look at to see if she was actually cute, but I never saw her again after the initial glimpse.
She seemed like this sort of “alternative” art-school type who, now that she’s in the real world, is trying to go a little more mainstream, but not quite hitting the mark, and because it was a very warm day she was also dressing for comfort, so the end result was an outfit that can only be described as a semi-slutty emo sundress.
Basically it was a black dress that was almost baby-doll nightie short and showed off as lot of leg (she had a tattoo on her ankle), paired with some business-casual high-heeled patent leather black sandals.
Like I said, she looked interesting, so I wanted to get another, closer look at her, but she had cleared out before I could nonchalantly cross paths with her.
I did get a closer look at someone else who seemed kind of cute at first, but upon closer inspection was not so cute as I’d thought (or quite so young as she evidently thought she was based on how she was dressed).
Throughout it all I was followed by the persistent sound of some kid who was testing out his ability to go “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH” for extended periods of time and at as high a pitch as possible.
He was pretty good at it.
After that it was home again where I killed some time stuffing more boards into more bags and then stuffing some comics into them.
And now this.

If Wishes Were Horses I’d Probably Fall Off And Shatter My Coccyx Department:
Yesterday I was talking about how I really don’t ask for much out of life (mostly just because I know better than to bother), and yet even the small things that I do ask for seem to be too much.
Still, I thought it would make for an interesting segment to try to imagine what the world might be like if some of my petty wishes were to come true.
So let’s just imagine that I’ve gotten hold of a magic lamp containing a genie (most likely a male one, because, you know, a cute female one would be too much to ask for) who has the power to grant simple and practical wishes.

First of all, I’d be able to find pants that are the right length and that don’t curl under the heels of my shoes, causing me to constantly step on them and make them all ragged and frayed.
In general, the world would be less sticky to the touch.
Hangnails: nothing but a distant and fading memory.
Better reaction times for anyone and everyone ahead of me when the light turns green.
I would be a lot less gassy.
Everyone would have minty fresh breath, and would, across the board, understand the importance of showering and the proper application of deodorant.
TV stations would not pre-empt or intterupt The Simpsons for anything short of the Apocalypse, and even then they would just put a little ticker on the bottom of the screen.
Someone would post really ultra-high quality and resolution captures of that movie scene in which Scarlett Johansson scrambles to cover herself with a towel when someone walks in on her after she’s just finished bathing so that I would have sufficient detail to work with when attempting to draw it.
Or conversely, my meager talents would be up to the challenge of drawing it using the captures I have.
As a final alternative, I would not want to draw it.
Someone would be able to explain, so that I could understand, why Martin Lawrence and Jamie Kennedy have successful movie careers.
I’d be a little less itchy all the time.
I’d see that pretty girl who smiles at me that I sometimes see again.
Bread wouldn’t go moldy so quickly.
I would remember that I need things like butter, or that my bread has probably gone moldy, while I’m at the store before I get home and try to make grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.
On a related note, I would actually make a shopping list before going to the store, remember to take said list with me to the store, and actually bother to look at it while I’m shopping at the store.

And that pretty much covers it, I think. It doesn’t seem too unreasonable (Except for the never pre-empting The Simpsons thing, I guess. Still, at the very least, they could do a better job of reporting on whatever it is they’re reporting on when they do pre-empt or interrupt the show.), or too earth-shattering. Some of it you would think that I should be able to just manage on my own without a wish-granting genie, but apparently such is not the case.

In any event, that pretty much wraps up this entry, proving that, at least for some of you out there, wishes can come true.