Shortly after I got up this morning (feeling much more rested and in a better mood), I was dimly aware of my cell phone beeping in the kitchen, though I thought it might be someone else’s phone outside somewhere.
Still, I figured I should check it out, and when I did I saw that the phone was lit up, and that Brian had beeped me.
I responded and found that he wanted to see if I was interested in catching a matinee of The Omen.
I hadn’t been especially interested in seeing the remake, as it looked to be just a straightforward modernization of the original, but I figured I might as well given the opportunity.
Brian had expressed the hope that the fact that it was Rated R would mean that there wouldn’t be too many teenagers in the theater, but that proved not to be the case. Still, with the exception of some cell phone noises (which resulted in a lot of “Shut that fucking phone off” comments) they weren’t too terribly obnoxious.
As I expected, the movie was pretty much a by-the-numbers remake of the original, though that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and ultimately it was entertaining.
I will say that the kid playing Damien is a really evil-looking little bastard. During the movie I leaned over to Brian and said, “Why would they name him Damien? Didn’t they ever see The Omen?”
At least I manage to keep myself amused.
(My comment actually brought to mind this comedian who was talking about the movie Monster’s Ball and how he had trouble suspending his disbelief when it came to Halle Berry’s poor, down-on-her-luck waitress character. His problem with it, he said, was that she was so beautiful that if she needed money she should become a model or an actress. He summarized it by saying, “I mean, she could be the next Halle Berry.” Speaking of Halle Berry, Monster’s Ball, and comedians, another comedian commented about how the fact that Billy Bob Thornton’s racist character fell in love with Halle Berry doesn’t make him not a racist, because it’s Halle Berry. He added, “A woman could have sex with Halle Berry and that wouldn’t make her a lesbian because it’s Halle Berry.”)
I also noted, during the birthday party scene in which the nanny hangs herself and says to Damien “It’s all for you” that even the Anti-Christ would probably rather have gotten an Xbox 360 or something. I mean, what’s a five-year old going to do with a ritual suicide? That’s like getting underwear for Christmas. I mean, I’d be like, “Yeah, I appreciate the effort, but you seriously could have just gotten me some X-Men action figures or something. Hell, even a gift certificate would be more appropriate.”
The other thing that stood out for me was Julia Stiles. Basically there’s nothing you can do to Julia Stiles that will make her look like a grown up. Years ago I saw her in this creepy movie she made when she actually was a teenager (as opposed to just looking like one) in which she played a girl who tried to take over as the woman of the house after her mother died (maybe she killed her mother; I don’t remember). She wanted to take on all of her mother’s duties, if you follow me (hence the creepiness), and there was this scene in which she was trying to seduce daddy in which she was wearing too much make up and looked like exactly what she was: a little girl playing dress-up.
That’s pretty much how she always looks in her non-teen roles, and this movie was no exception.
In any case, there were enough disturbing images that I’m sure that sometime in the middle of the night I’ll be lying in bed in the dark with my heart pounding refusing to open my eyes.
Oh, and one other thing: the showing we caught was playing in theater 6.
Ooooooooooo…..
I always been able to relate to the Omen movies a little because when I was a baby there was a crazy old lady who was convinced that I was a “devil baby.”
She pretty much terrorized my mother, calling and saying things like, “Get all of your kids out of the house and leave that devil baby inside and I’ll burn it down to get rid of it.”
Fortunately she never followed through on her crazy threats, and if I recall correctly she died while I was still pretty young.
And for the record, no, I didn’t have anything to do with her death.
Honestly, if I were the Devil’s son, do you seriously think my life would be this boring? At the very least I would have a lot more stuff, since, as mentioned, I wouldn’t be so big on the ritual suicides as presents.
And I’m pretty sure that the Anti-Christ would be able to get a date every once in a while (chicks dig bad boys, after all).
One other note about just how crazy the old lady was. One day my grandfather was walking through the woods and found her kneeling in front of a tree stump praying furiously. As he got closer, he saw that her eyeglasses were on the stump, broken, and he found that she was actually praying for God to fix them for her.
I’m guessing that would fall under the category of “God answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is no.”
After the movie we met Kathleen for lunch, where I continued the adventures in fat-assery that I started at the theater when, in a rare move, I actually ordered popcorn (buttered at that) to go along with the gallon of sugar water that I’d bought to wash it down. At the restaurant I ordered a chili burger and a chocolate shake.
I’ve had a yen for a shake for months now, but had never gotten around to getting one. I should be good for a while now.
On the way back we stopped at Best Buy, where I decided to pick up a copy of Underworld: Evolution. I figured I may as well, given that it was only $16 and I have the first one, and I never got around to seeing it in theaters.
And that’s been my day so far. Considerably more eventful than most, and not quite so irritating as some (like yesterday).
1 comment:
Yes, she really did. The woman was extremely crazy, but I'm not sure what it was, specifically, that made her think that I was the Devil's own. I think she had some kind of grudge against my dad (my actual dad, not the Devil) for something.
Or maybe it was my messed up eye. I was born severely cross-eyed and remained so until I was about 4, at which point I had surgery to correct it.
(Ironically, before I went into said surgery, I told my mother, who was very anxious about having her baby operated on, not to worry because "Jesus will protect me." Not very devilish behavior. Of course, in terms of my later years, it's not very "Jonnish" beahvior either.)
Of course by then I had become habituated to not using my left eye because it had been useless for so long, so now I still have a problem with lazy eye.
Personally, I would have preferred a "666" birthmark to the jacked up eye I've had to live with...
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