Prose And Cons

This morning I looked out the window and saw a guy standing in front of one the buildings.
He was just standing there on the grass, not moving.  I shrugged, said, “Meh,” and went back to what I was doing.
A while later I looked again and he was still standing there.
It was then that I noticed that he was holding a leash and was, in fact, waiting for his dog to finish its business, which it apparently did while I was watching, as the guy put on a pair of disposable gloves, pulled out a little bag, and proceeded to pick up the offering the dog had made.
Dogs are said to be loyal, faithful, and loving companions, and there are those who will go on, at length, about the many benefits of dog ownership, benefits that I, in my cold-hearted, callous dismissal of the joys of having a canine companion, am not receiving.
This is true; I don’t receive whatever benefits come from dog ownership.
However, I also don’t have to stand outside at 8:30 in the morning waiting for my dog to crap so that I can pick up said crap and put it in a bag.
There’s a comedian who has a routine about wanting to own a monkey and how, deep down, every guy wants to own a monkey, and that the reasons that people present to him to dissuade him from monkey ownership are the very reasons why he wants to own one.
I think he’s partly right about all guys wanting to own a monkey at one point in their lives, but I think that they usually grow out of it.
Still, his routine reminds me of a bit of dialogue I came up with once while I was out walking (I do that sometimes.  To pass the time I just mentally write dialogue that doesn’t relate to any particular story and which I’ll probably never use.) on that very subject.
Here it is:

“Come on; everyone wants to own a monkey.”
“Sure, until they grow up.”
“What do you have against monkeys?”“You mean apart from the lice, the biting, and the various blood-borne pathogens?  I guess it’s the fact that they throw feces around.”
“Oh, come on!  You’re only looking at the cons of monkeys.  Think of the pros.”
“Look, when one of the cons is ‘throws shit around,’ there basically are no pros.”

That’s pretty much at the heart of how I feel about any kind of pet ownership, as in some fashion it will involve cleaning up shit.  That is a major con that cannot be overcome by any sort of pro.
Anyway, it’s not really my intention to go into a discussion about pet ownership.  This is all just a lead-in to my real point, which is still subject to connection.
This morning when I was talking to my mother, as she often does, she asked me if I’m content with my life. I said that I suppose that I am, though I guess she picked up on some amount of hesitation in my voice, which prompted her to say, “But it would be nice if you could meet someone.”My response was, “I guess.”This was followed up with, “Do you want to meet someone?”It’s an interesting question, one which I often ask myself.
The short answer?  I suppose that I do.
The longer answer is a little more complicated.
For the record, there are those who would say that the answer is no, as they would suppose that the fact that I haven’t met someone is indicative of the fact that I don’t want to meet someone.
After all, if I wanted to, I would, simple as that.  I would finally stop being “too picky” and get around to cruising the back alleys of DC to find some nice homeless crack whore to settle down with, as that is, I guess, the level to which they feel my standards need to sink.
In any case, the fact of the matter is that I do get lonely sometimes – and certainly it would be nice to have sex every so often – but there are certain advantages to my pathological bachelorhood.
Freedom is perhaps the biggest – though the fact that I’m not going around nailing everything that moves would lead some of those who dream of a return to the “glorious” single life to feel that I’m squandering that freedom.
I suppose I am, but that’s really not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about not having to be accountable to anyone.  For example, if I want to buy a computer for my niece, I buy a damn computer for my niece.  There’s no discussion, or seeking of permission.
If I want to just up and head out of town for a couple of days, I can (it’s not the point that I don’t).
And to paraphrase another comedian, being in a relationship would seriously cut into my “sitting around time.”
Topping it all off, though related, is the fact that after all this time I’m just accustomed  to being alone.  Any other state of affairs would seem…unnatural.
So there really are a lot of cons to the whole relationship thing, but unlike pet ownership, there isn’t any one major deal-breaking con (I would hope that anyone I would get involved with would be potty trained, but I suppose that’s just me being too picky again), and, also unlike pet ownership (unless that’s the way you swing, which, okay, I guess, but that’s pretty sick) there is one major pro.
So overall, yeah, I guess I would like to meet someone.
I know; that was a long way to go to reach such a simple, and ultimately meaningless, conclusion.  Sorry.
After watching Animal Planet outside of my window and having the conversation with my mother, I made my way out into the world.
I needed to head in to work for my bi-weekly meeting, and I also had to swing by the Safeway in Ashburn to gas up, as I usually do on Thursdays.
I’ve been needing a haircut for a while, but I keep forgetting to find someplace in Leesburg to do so, so I figured that, since I was heading there anyway, I would just go to the place I went to in Ashburn.
There are some advantages to that, in that I know how much it costs and what to expect and they already have my phone number in their system, so I was thinking that I might just keep going there indefinitely and not bother finding a place in Leesburg.
I got there a bit before 11 and was dismayed to find that it was closed, as they’ve changed their hours so that they don’t open until noon.
Reluctantly I headed up to the Safeway plaza, as there’s a place there that I got a haircut once.
The advantage of the place was that they tend to have a staff of native speakers of English, which is always a plus for some things, but the disadvantage is that it claims to be “for men” and demonstrates this by having a sports theme and having multiple TVs tuned to the various ESPN channels.
However, it was beginning to seem that it just wasn’t my day to get a haircut, as that place was also closed, despite the fact that it was supposed to be open at 9.
I vaguely recalled seeing a barber shop at the other end of the plaza, so I headed that way and found, fortunately, that it was open.
I think that I may go there for haircuts from now on, as I was able to just walk right in and sit down.
That was just uncharacteristically lucky timing on my part, but beyond that I didn’t have to bother giving my phone number – or even my name – so if I can skip even those preliminaries in the future that’ll be good.
From there I headed to the Dulles Town Center for lunch and to make a last doomed attempt at finding something to buy Kathleen for her birthday.
After that it was off to Reston for my meeting, or rather, it was off to Reston to sit around for 15 minutes before finding out that the meeting has been postponed until next week, with no notice to that effect having gone out.
Oh well.
After that I was going to stop at the grocery store to grab a few things, but I realized that I didn’t really need anything and that I’d rather just go home, so that’s what I did.
And now here we are.
In any case, it’s Thursday so I need to do all of my pre-work preparations and get ready to call it an extremely early night.
I hope all of you potheads out there have a great 420 Day, and that any Nazis out there have a shitty Hitler’s Birthday.