Who's Got The Funk?

To a much greater extent than usual, I haven’t been doing much of anything the past couple of days. Lots of reading, lots of sleeping, not much else.
In fact, in the past couple of days I’ve probably spent the most amount of time away from my computer (while still at home) that I ever have.
I suppose it’s safe to say that I’m in kind of a funk, brought on, perhaps, by the general dreariness of the weather and the fact that I’m stuck in this interminable “holding pattern” with regard to the condo loan as I wait for the damn letter that proves that I paid off my last remaining collection to arrive.
Along wit those factors is the conflict between my hope that things will work out with my pessimistic belief that they won’t, to say nothing of the looming deadline.
*Sigh*
So yeah, I’ve felt sort of compelled to just “hole up” and do as little as possible.
I did manage to go for a walk today, as, for a change, it wasn’t raining (though it was still gray and overcast).
Yesterday I went to the dentist and settled up my bill, which he’d been deferring until after the first of the year. My contribution, paid for with FLEX money, was about $835.
I’d chosen to put $3,000 into my FLEX account this year in the hopes of being able to pay for getting my eyes fixed. Given that I shouldn’t have any more major dental expenses, that may still be a possibility as long as I find a way to pony up the rest of the money that I’ll need. Said remainder, not coincidentally, being roughly equal to what I just had to shell out for my dental bills.

If I Were A Super Villain Department:
Pretty much anyone who ever read comic books (even Richie Rich and Archie comics) in the 1970s and 1980s encountered the ads for Hostess® snacks featuring DC and Marvel super heroes and villains.
(To see some examples along with some hilarious commentary, click over to the Hostess Page at Seanbaby’s site.)
For those not familiar with the ads, they all followed a basic formula that went something like this:

1. Super Villain hatches nefarious scheme


2. Super Hero busts in and tries to put a stop to nefarious scheme


3. Super Hero’s powers prove ineffectual against Super Villain


4. Super Hero uses the deliciousness of Hostess® Cupcakes/Twinkies/Fruit Pies (which he just happens to be carrying in his cape/utility belt) to foil the nefarious scheme, as the Super Villain is unable to resist flaky crust and/or creamy/fruit filling


5. The day is saved, thanks to the Super Hero…and Hostess® snacks

There are several variations on this basic formula*, including some in which the Super Villain’s nefarious scheme actually revolves around stealing Hostess® snacks, but the central theme of all of these one-page morality plays is that Hostess® snacks are the great leveler, as they are irresistible not only to Super Heroes and good-hearted people everywhere, but also the most black-hearted Super Villain. Indeed, Hostess® snacks are the Achilles Heel of even the most powerful Super Villain.
(It’s worth noting that I always read the Hostess® ads when I was a kid because they often seemed like they were an integral part of the comic they were published in. It was sort of like those animated Dolly Madison ads that aired during “Peanuts” cartoons back in the day [I can’t recall ever seeing a Dolly Madison ad other than during some Charlie Brown special], which had such a seamless transition from the actual cartoon that you thought they were part of it.)
In any case, it always seemed to me that if I were a Super Villain my very first major act of villainy would be to take out Hostess® once and for all. Blow up the Hostess® bakeries, hijack the Hostess® delivery trucks, destroy all means of distribution of Hostess® snacks, and, of course, force the comic book companies to pull all Hostess® ads so that no one would even know that I had a weakness for golden sponge cake with creamy filling inside.
Either that or I would engage in some “White Collar” Super Villainy and perpetrate a hostile takeover (Extremely hostile…with laser guns and robots) of Hostess®. This would serve several important purposes.
First of all, it would ensure that the real fruit filling and light, tender crust would be mine, all mine! Bwahahahahaha!
Second, the revenue stream from the sale of the snacks would allow me to fund my various nefarious schemes, as death rays don’t pay for themselves, after all.
Third, it would allow me to avoid falling for any Super Hero trickery. After all, if I’ve got a lifetime supply of devils food cake with chocolaty icing and creamed filling waiting for me back at the lair, Captain America can take that pathetic shieldful of Hostess® cupcakes and shove them where the stars and stripes don’t shine.
Finally, there is, no doubt, some way in which I could use my twisted, evil genius to make use of the irresistible nature of Hostess® snacks as a means of mass mind control, turning the world’s population into a loyal army of slaves.
Just a thought.

The other night I watched the movie “Kinsey.” I have to say that it was pretty interesting.
There are a lot of people who question his methodology and his statistical interpretation of the data collected, but I think that the fact that he engaged in any kind of serious scientific study of sexual behavior at all was the most important part.
As for the moralistic objections that people have to his work…blow me.
Just because some book tells you that something is “wrong” or “unnatural,” despite the fact that such things occur all the time in nature and in America and that those practices, when engaged in by consenting adults, aren’t hurting anyone, doesn’t mean that they don’t happen or that people are going to stop engaging in them.
Deliberately misinforming people in the hopes that it will compel them to behave “correctly” strikes me as a patently immoral approach to life, and ultimately, as was made abundantly clear to anyone looking at the results of Kinsey’s studies, does much more harm than good.
Of course, what I found most entertaining was the scene in which Liam Neeson laughed so hard that he snorted.
Now, the scene that featured Liam Neeson making out with another guy? That one I didn’t enjoy quite so much, though it was hardly traumatic (and is perfectly natural).
As I was watching it, though, it occurred to me that the casting people should have brought to life what is no doubt the subject of countless “Slash” stories and given the part of Neeson’s homoerotic lab partner to Ewan McGregor.
Speaking of scenes that were traumatic, though, in McGreor’s movie “Young Adam” there’s a scene in which you catch more than a fleeting glimpse of Obi Wan’s Kenobi.
Put that light saber away, Obi-Wan!
In any case, I think I’ll get back to my reading.

*It’s worth mentioning that many of these ads feature a couple of non-super kids who often help to save the day either by having Hostess® snacks on hand for the Super Hero to use, or by simply suggesting that the Super Hero use Hostess® snacks in some fashion. Essentially, you could conclude that, for all their earth-shattering power, the combined forces of the Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men, and Avengers, are less effective than two white kids with a box of Twinkies.