There’s an expression that states that youth is wasted on the young.
I’m of the opinion that time off is wasted on Jon.
Of course, at least today, that’s not entirely my fault.
Given that I didn’t have to get up early for work today, Kathleen and I were going to check out “First Friday” in Leesburg.
On the first Friday of the month the various downtown shops stay open late to encourage people to shop downtown. I figured it was something to do, so I agreed when Kathleen had suggested that.
Sometime yesterday afternoon she IMed me to let me know that thanks to tiredness, crankiness, and the lack of a winter coat, she wanted to forego First Friday.
It didn’t really matter to me, so I was content to simply go home and enjoy the novelty of being awake on a Friday night.
The novelty wore pretty thin in a hurry, but more on that later.
Originally our plan for Saturday was to check out some kind of craft show, though that was going to be interrupted by her having a hair appointment at noon.
Then she decided to enlist my aid in helping her to defraud The Room Store, and decided that she wasn’t going to have the extra money to spend at the craft show, and so we were also going to just call that a miss, head to the Room Store, Burlington Coat Factory for her to get a coat, and have lunch before she dropped me off at home and went to her appointment.
She actually surprised me this morning by being on her way to pick me up well before I expected her to, so when she called to let me know she was on her way I had showered but had not gotten dressed.
We stopped at a Costco, as I was going to give her the money (I’m not a Costco member) to pick up a “Napoleon Dynamite” DVD gift set that Scott had told us about yesterday, but ultimately I decided against it.
While we were there, Brian sent me a picture of work with a text message asking me if I wished I were there instead.
On Kathleen’s suggestion, I was going to respond, “No, I’m having too much fun with your wife,” but I couldn’t figure out how to turn off the phone’s T9 predictive crap (as you hit a key it tries to predict what word you want to type).
From there we went to the Room Store.
Currently they have a deal in which you get 20% any one item. She wanted to buy a dresser and a set of nightstands, and was going to give me the money to buy the nightstand so that she could get a discount on that at the same time she got a discount on the dresser. She was going to go to another Room Store location to purchase the other nightstand separately and get the discount on that as well.
The vagaries of delivery charges, however, would have meant that after all was said and done she’d only end up saving $10.
So ultimately, after calling to consult with Brian, she ended up shelling out thee times as much as she’d intended to spend and bought the entire bedroom set, including a new bed.
That took much longer than anticipated, despite our early start, and so she only had time to quickly pick out a coat, drop me off at home, and then be late for her hair appointment.
We may get together to do something else after her hair appointment’s done, but I doubt it.
So that was my exciting day off, which pretty much involved not doing any of the things that I’d originally planned to do when I took it off.
Once I got home, I decided to brave the cold and go for a walk, but then decided that I’d rather go home, get in the car, and drive somewhere to get something for lunch, so I turned around and headed back.
I drove down to the nearest McDonald’s, but the number of cars in the parking lot and in the drive through made me say “screw that,” and so I came home and, still unfed, here I am writing this.
As I said, time off is wasted on Jon, and yet after tomorrow I have a whole lot more of it ahead of me.
I’m almost inclined to take a nap, but that would be foolish, given that I’d never be able to get to sleep tonight if I did, and I do still have to get up early tomorrow.
Tonight is my company’s big holiday party. Because we’re not going, Brian and I will be the only people in at work for the first few hours, as the others opted to come in late, as they will have been up late at the party.
I should think I wouldn’t need to explain why I have no interest in attending the party.
I did actually go to the party two years ago, but that was only because I actually had a date, though, again, even if you don’t already know the story, I should think I wouldn’t really need to get into explaining how that turned out.
The whole thing was actually this sort of weird self-contained thing: I only went to the party because I had a date, and I pretty much only had a date because I was taking her to the party.
(Our party’s tend to be big, impressive, and expensive affairs, and she was very eager to see what the fuss was all about. Eager enough, in fact, to be willing to go with me.)
As for my Friday night spent awake rather than asleep, the highlight was watching a holiday episode of “Monk.”
I didn’t do much with the extra time beyond a little bit of computer hygiene, and from 9 until 10 (at which point “Monk” came on), there was pretty much nothing on TV.
While I didn’t have any interest in sitting down and watching anything (if I did, I could have watched any of the various movies that have begun to pile up, unwatched, on my DVR), I did want to have something halfway decent on for background noise.
In the end, I settled for “What Not to Wear,” which is kind of funny, for multiple reasons.
For one thing, I think the last time I watched that show was last December when I took a weekend off to burn off my remaining vacation balance.
For another, despite the fact that I haven’t watched the show in almost a year, and wasn’t even sure if it was still on, for the past couple of weeks I’ve just found myself, at random times, fantasizing about banging the chick from the show.
The thing is, she’s not even that hot (and her nose is truly ginormous), but I guess I don’t always have full control over where my mind will wander…or what it will do when it gets there, but we won’t get into that.
Now the chick who does the make-up on the show is much, much hotter, but is a total bitch. I seriously can’t get over what a bitch she is. Sure, the two main people on the show make lots of catty comments about the fashion victim’s tastes, but this chick is just vicious, and her comments aren’t restricted to just bad taste.
For example, on the episode I watched, as she was plucking the fashion victim’s eyebrows she made numerous “Chewbacca” references and made a big show of being exhausted from how much work it took to pluck them down to reasonable levels.
But in general she’s just this uber-bitch who exudes an attitude of “I’m going to show you a few tricks that will allow you to use cosmetics to cover that Quasimodo face of yours and manage to almost look like a human being, you worthless, unattractive pile of un-exfoliated skin, but, of course, you’ll never be as attractive – and therefore worthwhile as a human being – as I am.”
If I had been that girl – who actually was, even by the catty hosts’ own admission, despite her lack of fashion sense, adorable – whose brows she was plucking, the bitch would have been on the floor with her tweezers shoved someplace extremely uncomfortable.
There’s actually a show on HBO that, like “What Not to Wear,” and pretty much every show on TLC, is an import from the BBC, though rather than making their own version of it HBO actually just airs the original, called “Sex Inspectors.”
The basic set-up of the show is almost identical to “What Not to Wear,” except that rather than overhauling someone’s fashion sense they overhaul a couple’s sex life. I guess you could call it “How Not to Fuck.”
On the topic of bitchy hot chicks who don’t approve of the existence of lesser beings, yesterday was the last day at work for a young woman who’s leaving to work for another company. I’m not saying that she’s a bitch, as I don’t know her at all, and basically have only ever seen her, from afar, at a handful of departmental events – the bitchy hot chick thing will come into play shortly – though she is extremely hot, and it was my observation after learning that she was leaving that our company needs to add hot chicks, not lose the hot chicks we already have.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon they had cake for her as part of a going away celebration. The remnants of the cake were brought into our break room. There were actually two kinds of cake, a chocolate one and a strawberry one. I’d had a piece of the chocolate, and later stopped in to try the strawberry.
When I walked into the break room I was surprised to see a hot chick in there, as chicks, hot or otherwise, are a rarity in the sausage factory that is my workplace.
I saw that she was eating the strawberry cake, so I asked her if it was good.
In a tone of voice that served to reinforce the disdainful look she had given me, she let me know that, yes, it was, and also that she not only disapproved of me having the audacity to speak to her she was deeply offended by the simple fact of my existence.
As I did my best to shrug that off and cut myself a piece of cake, another, not nearly so hot chick came in. The hotter chick said, “I wonder what our cake would say if we left? They say they’ll miss this person.”
In an effort to make up for the bad first impression I’d made by…well, by existing, I decided to throw out a little self-deprecating humor, and said, “Mine would probably say, ‘Who are you?’ or ‘Did you work here?’”
…
I thought it was funny.
My attempt at humor was greeted by the two of them deciding to finish eating their cake elsewhere.
Anyway it was nice to see that I’ve still got it; I can still make a woman feel utter contempt for me in under a minute.
In any case, I suppose that I should try to find something to do with what remains of my time off. Eating would probably be a decent way to pass some of it…
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