Well here we are again, back in the old grind.
Last year the first couple of days after completing my novel were sort of bittersweet in that I felt relief and a sense of accomplishment, but I also had no idea what to do with myself without having that word count hanging over my head.
This year…well, I’m a little older and if not wiser, I am at least lazier, so I feel less of a need to have some kind of goal driving me.
The one problem I am encountering, though, is that while last year I just sat down and wrote sort of stream of consciousness style with no real forethought and was, therefore, not really disappointed in the end result because I had no real expectations for it, this year I had much more in the way of a plot and much more developed characters, and there was something that I was hoping to accomplish beyond simply hitting my word count.
To make the obvious play on words (which Neil Gaiman made last year in encouraging people to participate in National Novel Writing Month), I had hoped to do more than simply make my word count, I wanted to make my words count.
I don’t think I accomplished that goal, as there are any number of thematic and plot elements that had to be sacrificed for the sake of expediency, and, like last year, with the deadline looming and the word count already met, I simply rushed headlong toward an ending.
To tell the story I really want to tell would require that I double the current word count - and that’s after cutting some of the extraneous text that was thrown in late at night simply for the sake of hitting the day’s word count requirement – and putting in much more than a month of work.
In the meantime, for the sake of feedback, a select, lucky(?) few will have the opportunity to read through it and rip it to shreds, and from there I’ll decide if it’s worth trying to salvage, and will then, presumably, provide the rest of you with an opportunity to read the finished version that results from my efforts…assuming that there are any additional efforts.
In any case, after a long month of rather sparse entries, I’m back and ready to crank out numerous entries so long (bear in mind that I’m coming off a month spent doing my best to be as wordy as possible) and involved as they detail every piece of minutiae in my life that has gone undocumented while I worked on my novel that you’ll soon find yourself wishing that it were National Novel Writing Month all over again…
First Things First Department:
Since I heard about it last week I’ve been meaning to document the instances of extreme retardation that Kathleen reported to me.
So now, with the novel out of the way, I will do just that.
On a day in which she was feeling more than a little “out of it,” Kathleen made her way downstairs to the café at work and stopped to use the restroom along the way.
Thinking that things would follow the same layout as on her floor, she blindly walked into the “Ladies Room,” and was struck by the fact that unlike the facilities on her floor, this one only had two stalls, but soon went about her business.
It was while she was washing her hands that she noticed the reflection of the urinals in the mirror, which went a long way towards explaining the two men who were coming in as she was walking out.
It doesn’t end there, however.
Later, on the phone for a business-related call, she was attempting to multitask, engaging in an Instant Message conversation with Brian.
As he was signing off, Brian told her that he loved her (awww…that’s so sweet), and she responded in kind.
The only problem was that the multitasking caused some wires to cross in her brain, and so, thinking that somehow Brian would be able to actually hear her, she said “I love you, too” aloud, which the person she was actually talking was, understandably, surprised to hear.
This is, of course, something that I will not let her forget anytime soon.
For example, as I was preparing to head out into the world yesterday, I decided to hit Kathleen up over IM to see if she wanted to have lunch. She told me to “hang on,” to which I responded, “no, you hang on!”
She then let me know that she was on a call, so I said, “Are you multitasking again? If I were to tell you that I love you, would it cause you to make another faux pas?”
My Own Acts Of Retardation Department:
To be fair, back in the Stone Age when I was still a college student, I had a cross-peeing (sort of like cross-dressing, only with bathrooms) misadventure of my own.
In a hurry to get to class from the library, I had to make a quick pit stop, blindly pushing way into the nearest bathroom on my way out.
In an act of retardation much more extreme than Kathleen’s, I stood and wondered what kind of men’s room doesn’t have urinals for a moment before shrugging and making use of one of the stalls.
Unlike Kathleen, I didn’t actually realize my mistake until I was out the door and a female student was making her way in.
More recently, I came thisclose to actually brushing my teeth with hair gel the other day. Sure, it’s not exactly telling a business associate I love him, but it’s still pretty retarded.
Random Links Department:
I discovered this site at work over the weekend and found that it’s a good place to go to waste time that could be better spent working on writing your novel (or, alternatively, doing your job). It was a dispute over the complete words to the “Fruity Pebbles” Christmas commercial that led me to discover the site.
This site allows you to search its database of information about shitty tippers. You can only hope that you’re not listed among the regular people, athletes, politicians, and celebrities. It doesn’t really come as a surprise that J Lo is among the worst offenders I encountered in my searches.
Cancelled? Check.
While this Threshold is going to enjoy a resurgence thanks to the end of National Novel Writing Month, the other Threshold is going to enjoy cancellation as a result of Sweeps Month.
It’s a shame that the lovely and talented Carla Gugino hasn’t been able to find a successful vehicle. She was pretty much the only reason I kept watching the show, which, while somewhat entertaining, just didn’t live up to its potential.
Hopefully we’ll see you again soon, Carla…preferably in an outfit similar to the one you wore in Sin City.
Also leaving the airwaves is the critically-acclaimed, and very funny, Arrested Development. I think everyone knew it was just a matter of time, as it had only very narrowly managed to dodge the axe on more than one occasion.
Natural Wonders Department:
Some time ago a few of us at work ordered food from Chili’s for lunch. In his role as Food Bitch, Chris went out to pick up our orders. While there he encountered Scott, who had stepped out to have lunch with his family, and the hostess with the mostest: an extremely top-heavy young woman.
Scott and Chris spent a great deal of time talking about the “Natural Wonders” they had beheld, with Scott commenting that even Stacy couldn’t help but stare.
So this past Saturday when we decided to order from Chili’s again, I decided to accompany Chris in the hopes of seeing what all the fuss was about.
She was there, but the outfit she was wearing and the fact that she was standing behind something lessened the impact.
However, while we were waiting for our food she came out into full view and I discovered that they were, in fact, just as massive as advertised.
They were so big that they had their own gravity; you could see Space-Time bending around them. You don’t stare at them because you’re being rude; your eyes are inexorably drawn toward them by the force of their gravity.
I used to know another girl like that, one whose assets couldn’t help but draw stares from men and women alike. I used to say that it was almost a shame that they did, as they drew your focus away from her face, which was extremely pretty.
I say it was almost a shame because, well, those boobs were amazing, so it could hardly be considered a shame that you were looking at them.
After learning from Scott that I had seen the eighth and ninth wonders of the world, Stacy IMed me and encouraged me to ask her out.
I’m not certain what tack I was supposed to take. I would assume it would be something like “I couldn’t help noticing that you have ginormous knockers. Want to go out sometime?”
In any case, I advised Stacy of the pointlessness of such an endeavor and she tried the old “You never know until you try” argument, which I countered by stating that if you never try, you always know. By not trying, you get the failure out of the way without even having to put forth an effort.
I would say that it was nice of her to be hopeful on my behalf, but at the same time that she was encouraging me to ask her out she was also encouraging Chris to ask her out, so I’m not sure if she was hoping to help me land a date or to get me into some kind of competition with Chris, which she would then sit back and watch with sadistic glee.
I’m not certain that Stacy is that devious, but she does have purple hair, so who can say for sure?
Quesadilla Explosion Department:
On that day I had ordered a salad from Chili’s called a “Quesadilla Explosion,” which had been threatening to become “the usual” for me.
That all changed as a result of Chili’s using a different dressing for the salad, one which caused an entirely different kind of “Quesadilla Explosion” to take place inside of me.
Because I think that it’s only fitting that I go out on a potty joke, I will end this entry, which covers at least some of the main points I wanted to cover, now.
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