Hallways Overflowing With Sewage, Deodorant As A Substitute For Bathing, And Junior Rednecks

First off, happy birthday to Joel and Kevin…I think. If your birthdays were yesterday, make that happy belated birthday.
Sometime yesterday afternoon one of the hallways at work got closed off thanks to some sort of plumbing mishap that made it look (and smell) as if someone had tipped over a porta-potty.
This morning when I arrived to work out, the hallway was still closed off, meaning that I had to take the long way to get to the fitness center. Along the way I began to have concerns about whether or not the plumbing problem was also affecting the showers.
Turns out it was, and the locker rooms were closed.
This meant that I couldn’t work out, as I wouldn’t be able to wash the sweat off afterwards and that I had an hour to kill.
If I rushed, I could have driven home, taken a shower, and come back, but I really didn’t feel up to it, so I opted instead to simply wet down and gel my hair, get dressed in the handicap stall of one of the working bathrooms, and heavily deodorize myself.
I still had a lot of time to kill before work, though, so to use up part of that time I drove over to a nearby convenience store.
When I got out of my car there was a truck pulling into the parking lot. To clear up any doubt that people might have about his masculinity, the driver of the truck made sure to rev his engine several times, because, as everyone knows, having a loud vehicle proves that you’re a man and that your dick really isn’t small. And besides, size doesn’t matter anyway.
In any case, the truck’s driver and passenger looked like some parody of young rednecks that you might see in a movie. The smaller one was dressed from head to toe in camouflage chic, while the larger, fatter one, whose lips seemed to be curled up in a permanent stupefied smile, was wearing a camouflage shirt paired with jeans that were cut off just above the knee. Atop his big, round head he wore a blaze orange knitted hat that seemed have first been pulled all the way over his enormous melon, then rolled back up to the point that it looked like it was about to fall off.
Their presence made the store’s two swarthy employees quite visibly nervous.
When I left the store, I noted that the truck had “Juniors 07” written on the windows.
It was all just so randomly bizarre.
In any case, the upshot of this all is that I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow and skip my workout…although technically I could still get up early and just use the fitness center at HQ, but we’ll just l pretend that isn’t true…