Don't Tell My Heart...

Billy Ray Cyrus Dept.
I just got back from driving over to the Safeway that’s just across the street.
Why did I drive when it’s just across the street and I have a predilection for walking anyway? I needed gas, and the Safeway gas is the cheapest (with the Safeway discount card, anyway).
In any case, on the short trip back, which is made slightly longer by taking the exit from the gas station, which takes me in the opposite direction of my apartment, then hanging a U-turn at the four-way stop, I spotted not one but two guys working for the road crew who were sporting full-on Billy Ray Cyrus-style mullets.
Naturally that song popped instantly in my head.
In the interest of full disclosure it should be noted that at various periods from 1987 to 1995 yours truly could be seen with hair that said “business up front, party in the back.”
Actually, most of the time it probably said something more like “going out of business up front, party breaking up in the back.”
Still, I make no apologies for some of my more unfortunate haircut choices. After all, it was the late 80s and early 90s, and as a metalhead during that period long hair was part of the uniform.
It was my intention to just have long hair all around, and I would let it grow for extended periods of time, but eventually I’d get sick of it being in my face and would have it trimmed back up front, leaving the hair in the back to grow.
By the time I got it cut for the third time in 1995 it had gotten pretty long.
I had cut it at that time because we were in the midst of a pretty humid August, and I just felt that it was time for a change. After all, my marriage had just taken a dump, I was back at home living with my parents, and life was just generally looking crappy, so any kind of change would almost have to be a good thing.
When the gray started establishing major beachheads on my head I resolved that I would never again grow it long, as I didn’t want to find long gray hairs all over the place, but in 1999 after getting canned from my conservative, restrictive job in PR (Public Relations, not Puerto Rico) I decided to give long hair another shot and I let it all grow for about a year before finally lopping it off in early 2000.
Since then I’ve kept it pretty short, though my natural disinclination to get haircuts coupled with the fairly rapid rate of growth does lead me to get a little shaggy from time to time, and I have to admit that long hair, whether it’s an ape drape or not, has a certain appeal, and I do find myself missing it from time to time.

Billy Ray Gun Dept.
Earlier today I read an article about a microwave riot control gun that the US government plans to roll out in Iraq in 2006.
It brought to mind stories of people working at radar stations in colder climates back in the earliest days of the technology who would stand in front of the arrays because it was warm there.
The one advantage to this gun is that after the riot has been cleared you have a fast and easy way to enjoy popcorn to celebrate a job well-done…

I’m amazed that riot control gear wasn’t needed over the weekend to deal with all of the rabid “Harry Potter” fans clamoring to get their copies of the latest book.
Before I go any further, I should point out that I feel a certain amount of bitterness about J.K. Rowling’s phenomenal success because in late 1996/early 1997 I realized that the youth of the world represented a vast untapped market for fantasy and science fiction stories and began working on a set of stories featuring a young magical character designed specifically to appeal to that potential audience.
Of course, I never did much with the idea beyond simply having it, so I’m sort of annoyed that Rowling managed to come along and prove, so successfully, that my theory about that potential market was correct.
Don’t get me wrong; I certainly don’t begrudge Rowling her success, and all of my bitterness is directed entirely back at myself and my laziness.
Still, I think that bitterness is part of the reason that I’ve never really warmed to the character.
I’ve seen two of the movies, and I’ve thought about reading the books, but overall…meh. I just haven’t cared much.
Also, whenever I think of Harry Potter I always think of Tim Hunter, a bespectacled British boy who learns that there’s a whole world of magic that he never even dreamed existed lying just below the surface of the mundane world in which he’s lived most of his life, and begins the process of studying to become a powerful (eventually the most powerful) sorcerer, acquiring a pet owl along the way.
This was a character that Neil Gaiman introduced in a mini-series called “Books of Magic,” which he wrote for DC Comics…in 1990.
Despite the similarities I doubt that Rowling even knew that Hunter existed, and Gaiman himself, in response to the similarities, merely states that the young man as sorcerer has a lot of precedent in literature, so I doubt that there was any plagiarism involved.
Also, Tim was introduced in the “Mature” line of comics at DC and was never intended for children, unlike his literary “cousin.”
Even so, though I recognize that it’s silly, on some level I feel as though I need to choose between Tim and Harry, and, if for no other reason than that I’ve known him longer (and because I have to believe that Gaiman is the superior writer because...well, just because), I choose Tim.
But while I clearly am not one of his legions of fans, I’m not disparaging Harry Potter or his readership in any way.
On the contrary, nothing could please me more than for children the world over to discover the joy of reading, so my hat is off to Rowling for accomplishing that.
Okay, so I never wear a hat, but that’s beside the point.
Anyway, on Saturday, Barb, one of the people I work with, went out to pick up her copy of the latest Potter book on her lunch break, and later in the break room I spotted a chick reading the copy that she had just slipped out to pick up.
The chick reading the book, by the way, was almost cute, though there was something not quite right about the way she looked (it was hard, for example, to determine her age), and she gave off this weird Brittany Murphy-esque “am I stoned or am I retarded” kind of vibe that sort of pushed her over to the other side of the fence when it came to the whole attractiveness issue.
For my part, I’ll probably get around to reading the books eventually, most likely after they’ve all been published.
But in the meantime…meh.
Once again my weekend is at its end and another long three-day work week lies ahead of me.
I feel like I haven’t been accomplishing as much with Threshold as I would like, and the “99 Cent Bargain Bin of Ideas” seems to be filled to overflowing lately. I’m not sure what I need, or want, to do about that, but I thought I should mention that I am aware that something has definitely been lacking here lately, in case any of you have noticed something similar.
I’ll give it some thought over the weekend and see what I can come up with, but in the meantime, have a good one.