Adventures In Misanthropy

It always feels weird to not be working.
There’s a vague sense of anxiety, as if you’re playing hooky, even though you’re entitled to not be at work.
In terms of how much time off I get each year I really don’t use it very often, particularly considering that I never take sick days.
As it stands, even after taking off this weekend, possibly taking off a day next weekend, and taking off the weekend at the end of the month, by the end of the year I’ll still have almost 80 hours of vacation time.
Typically I end up rolling over 40 hours (which is the maximum you can) into my vacation bank for the next year, thus my available time keeps building and building.
Too bad I don’t really have anything to do with that time.
Sure, I could go on vacations by myself because, you know, that’s not pathetic.
I suppose it wouldn’t be any worse than what I typically do to burn off the vacation time (apart from what has proven to be the annual trip home, at any rate), which is basically what I’m doing now: nothing.
So far today the only thing I did was meet Kathleen to do a little bit of shopping. I bought another little file cabinet thing like I bought a while back. Placed next to the other one on the side of my desk, it gives me a good place to put my printer/copier/scanner, and now I can easily access it without getting out of my chair, and thus the march of laziness advances on…for a little while at least, because, you know, it’s laziness…
In any case, I had also hoped to buy some new shoes, as the shoes I currently have are falling apart. I only looked at one store (going shopping again tomorrow), and it kind of annoyed me. They had an okay pair on clearance for a decent price, but they didn’t have any in my size. Then I found another pair that I kind of liked on sale, but again, none in my size. There was an empty box that, presumably, once contained a pair in my size, but that didn’t do me much good.
Honestly, there was a specific style of shoe I was looking for, though, and while they had that style for kids and for women they didn’t have any for men.
So maybe I’ll have better luck tomorrow.
I also went into Wilson’s Leather Store to see if they had any decent sales going on. They did, but it did me no good as the really good deals were only on the women’s jackets. Beyond the fact that the men’s jackets didn’t have markdowns comparable to the women’s, there seemed to be a lot fewer men’s jackets overall. It seems like they may be turning into a women’s store. Ah well.
After I got home I couldn’t really motivate myself to do much of anything, so, because I could, I took a nap.
Once I got up I was hungry, but I didn’t feel like making anything, so I walked over to the Chinese place across the street.
When I got home and opened the bag, the highlight of my day proved to be the fact that I had TWO fortune cookies. Suckers! Just because I ordered two meals doesn’t mean that I was ordering for two people! Well, unless you count my fat ass as a separate person…
While I ate I sat down to watch “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” which I had recorded a while ago.
It was okay. The basic premise was interesting, and, surprisingly, Jim Carrey put in a pretty subdued performance, but overall…meh.
For the most part I was just annoyed; I hate watching movies in which lonely, pathetic losers have random encounters with quirky hot chicks that eventually lead to relationships. That sort of thing just gives hope to the hopeless, and that’s the last thing we…um, I mean, they need.
Anyway, last night Kathleen and I went to that presentation by the writers group.
There were a lot more people there than I expected, but they were essentially the kind of people I expected: primarily middle-aged housewives.
The presentation was kind of interesting, but the room it was held in really wasn’t the right venue for it.
Basically they did some sort of role-playing, acting out the process of how an editor presents a manuscript to all the parties involved. The idea was for us to apply what we saw in our approach not only to trying to sell our work, but in how we construct it in the first place.
The presentation was held in what appeared to be the room where the city council meets. Sitting in rows as we were, in what I’m assuming are the benches (very much like church pews) where residents sit facing the council who would be sitting at the front of the room, we were often unable to see who was talking.
They only had time for two people to go through the motions, describing their books as if they were the editors trying to sell the books on their behalf.
They did one fiction and one non-fiction.
One woman, who had volunteered to pitch her book, was shot down. At first she took it quietly, but during the Q&A at the end she took the agent (who was running the show) to task. Basically, her book was a collection of essays, which, as he tried to explain, would go through a much different process. Eventually she just took his, and the editors’, word for it, but I still don’t think she understood, even though the explanation, which I won’t get into, was pretty clear.
Afterwards, I said to Kathleen, “That lady said her book was a collection of essays about women, for women, and by women…I can point out three problems with that right off the bat.”
I was joking, of course.
And that’s sort of the problem. Throughout the whole presentation Kathleen and I were, mostly successfully, restraining ourselves, doing our damnedest to not make fun of everyone there, or to make a big joke out of the whole thing.
It was kind of distressing; evidently it’s not possible to take the two of us out into polite society, even when it’s for something we’re interested in.
But honestly, I think that the real problem is that people just suck. Most of them were so annoying, like the ones who would say, “Oh! I read that and I loved it!” whenever one of the editors would talk about one of the books she had helped get published. So? Who cares? What does it add to the discourse for us to learn that you read some book and loved it?
Even worse were the people who would, almost as if on cue, laugh at every even somewhat clever thing the presenters would say.
One of the people pitching her book to the role-playing panel had organized her presentation well using the “tip sheet” we’d been provided, but her overall idea was kind of cheesy. It had the feel of “fan fiction,” an amateurish (even though she had participated in some renowned writing workshop) and almost childish work. Kind of an unfair, snap judgment, I admit, but I would imagine it’s accurate.
The second person, who was working on a non-fiction book, though, was another matter entirely. That guy had his shit together, and made Kathleen and I both feel like we suck.
Thus we had to content ourselves to make fun of the fact that he was bald and gay.
Still, despite all our misanthropy, and a few other gripes about the format, it was an interesting presentation.
I don’t imagine I’ll get involved with the group, simply because everything they do seems to happen on Fridays, and while I could do it for a while, I don’t want to have to take time off on Saturdays just to be able to go, nor am I willing to sacrifice any of my sleep on Friday nights.
Still, we picked up some pamphlets and there are some workshops and seminars during the week that look interesting. So we’ll see.
If nothing else, while I was there I got a few ideas, so that’s something. Of course, that’s really dependent on me having more success with my attempts at getting myself to actually write anything.
But I am making some progress in that regard, and really, the people there should help to motivate me. After all, middle-age isn’t that far away, and while I’ll never be a housewife, I don’t want to be like most of those people, still desperately pursuing some elusive dream and foolishly deluding myself into thinking that it’s actually within reach.
Of course, maybe the real inspiration should be to just give up now.
I don’t know, just a thought.
In any case, I should find something to do with this extra time that I don’t normally have.
It’s been so long since I’ve worked a normal schedule that I don’t even know what’s on TV on Saturday s, but I guess there’s one way to find out.