Ever since she brought to my attention the fact that Sarah McLachlan will be performing locally this week, Kathleen has been vacillating about whether or not she’s going to go.
In case she decided in the affirmative, I took Friday (the day after the concert) off just to be safe, but since that time she’s continued to not decide (or at least not inform me of her decision), so I’ve avoided just blindly buying a ticket.
Earlier today I did a search and found that there were no longer tickets available, which was discouraging. Later, for the sheer hell of it, I did another search and found that there were still tickets available.
I’m almost inclined to just buy one and let Kathleen fend for herself if she ever makes up her mind, but if at all possible I’d like to avoid going by myself. Obviously there’s no real reason that I can’t just go alone, but the fact of the matter is that, as much as I would like to see Sarah perform in person (as, after all, I adore her), my desire isn’t strong enough to overcome my self-consciousness about going to a major event like that alone.
(And by the way, I should mention that I fully understand Kathleen’s concerns about going to a concert at night during her work week, especially during her second week at a new job, so I’m not mad at her or anything. I’m just a little anxious about how the whole thing will finally shake down. After all, I’d hate to miss out on the opportunity entirely. Deciding not to go is one thing, but having it decided for me is another.)
I realize that, logically, there isn’t anything to feel self-conscious about. After all, it’s unlikely that anyone else would care if I showed up by myself, and, honestly, the fact of the matter is I don’t really care what most other people think anyway. But I do care about what I think (it is self-conscious, after all), and the fact of the matter is that I feel uncomfortable going out to social gatherings by myself, for a variety of reasons.
For one thing, it just strikes me as kind of weird. I mean, who goes to a concert by himself? I’m sure there are people who do, but it just seems weird as far as I’m concerned. Beyond that, I don’t like crowds. I have enough difficulty accepting the presence of individuals around me, so naturally the presence of thousands of people is that much worse. So there’s comfort in having a familiar face around amid a sea of strangers.
Sure, at the Ozzfests I went to I got separated from my friends a time or two, and there were a lot more people there than are likely to be at Sarah’s show, but in those days I had the benefit of being loaded, which was its own kind of comfort for me, one which is no longer available. Also, it was a much different vibe at those shows, one which allowed me to more easily step outside of my comfort zone, and we had an agreed-upon meeting place if we got separated.
And beyond any of that, there’s the fact that most experiences are better when they’re shared.
So yeah, I’m the only thing stopping me from just going and enjoying the show, but honestly, I think that going by myself would mar my enjoyment.
And while I realize that’s just my own personal hang-up, that fact doesn’t change anything. Just because I recognize that it’s my own problem doesn’t automatically mean that I can overcome it.
Not in the course of three days, at least.
So I guess we’ll see what happens, though I’m suspecting that ultimately I’ll end up not going. Will I be disappointed if I don’t go? Sure, but it’s not something that will keep me up nights. I’m sure that somewhere along the line there will be other opportunities to see her that will present themselves. After all, that is one of the benefits of living within the outlying area of a major metro.
So beyond the drama surrounding the Sarah McLachlan concert, today has been largely uneventful.
I got up a bit late, sat around not doing much of anything for a while, eventually went for a walk, came home, read a little, then did a few hours’ worth of writing.
I’m sure the rest of the day will be just as uneventful.
Continuing the “Star Wars” Theme Dept.
There’s an article here that has some more info about the two “Star Wars” TV shows Lucas has mentioned.
I will no doubt be back with more later, but for the time being I need to look into the whole “eating” thing, and I’ll probably go for another walk somewhere along the line.
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