So today started off okay, or at least as “okay” as any day that requires getting up earlier than usual and going out into the world can start.
I got up, took a shower, got dressed, and was ready to head to the first day of my training class with time to spare.
I had shaved before going to bed last night in order to save myself some time (and visible splotchy red skin irritation) this morning.
I stopped at Safeway to buy a bottle of water and was well on my way.
That was when I realized that I’d forgotten my badge, which I needed in order to get in the gate and into the building.
So I turned around and headed back home to grab it.
After I’d finished that I had about ten minutes to get to HQ, which would be enough to just barely get there, find a parking space, and walk breathlessly into the classroom right at 9 am.
Of course, that was operating on the assumption that the amount of traffic wouldn’t increase exponentially in the five minutes it took me to get my badge, and also assuming that I wouldn’t hit every red light.
The amount of traffic did increase exponentially, though, and it was while I was stopped at one of the many red lights I’d hit along the way that I noticed flashing blue lights behind me.
I couldn’t imagine what the cop wanted, as traffic conditions were such that I couldn’t have been speeding.
That turns out to be the problem, though. He was concerned about how closely I was following the car ahead of me (and he was also concerned about the fact that he’d followed me with his lights on for a half a mile without me noticing him). I explained the situation and he decided to let me go with a warning, advising me that I was just going to have to accept the fact that I was going to be late and that I should back off from the tailgating (though I wonder how much time he’s spent driving in Northern Virginia if he thinks that anyone can possibly avoid tailgating when driving without driving fifteen to twenty miles below the speed limit).
So I was late, but fortunately the instructor wasn’t the type to make a big deal about it (and there were a couple of people who arrived much later than I did).
It is, however, extremely unusual for me to be late, and so it was an odd reversal of roles for Kathleen to be there on time and me to be late.
The class, which continues tomorrow, is all about negotiation.
In the course of it we took a little survey which revealed how we handle conflict.
It wasn’t surprising to me to discover that the results revealed that I will, whenever possible, avoid conflict.
(It was, however, surprising to see the same result for Kathleen, as I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever known her to avoid conflict.)
In any case, reading through some of the information about the personality types essentially squared with my reasoning for avoiding conflict, namely that a lot of conflict tends to be rather pointless.
I’m not in the habit of making hollow gestures; if I know that engaging in conflict is not going to change anything, I’m not inclined to argue just for the sake of arguing.
My next strongest tendency was to compromise, which again, I think, relates to my desire to avoid unnecessary conflict.
My weakest tendency, by the way, was to collaborate, which should come as no surprise to anyone.
However, right after compromising came competing.
This didn’t surprise me either.
In most cases I tend not to be competitive, simply because most of the time I just don’t care.
I’m not inclined to engage in, say, a pissing contest (the standard metaphor for male competitiveness), simply because how far I can piss in relation to someone else (whether literally or metaphorically) is utterly meaningless to me.
Do I compete at sports? No, because I suck at them, and have no interest in getting better at them. So you can run faster than I can. And that’s somehow significant because…?
You’re better at basketball than I am? Why is it that I’m supposed to care?
None of this, however, is intended to suggest that I’m some sort of mild-mannered pushover.
If I avoid conflict it’s simply because I don’t want to be bothered, not because I’m afraid.
And if there is something that I do care about, I will exhibit a strong competitive drive, particularly when it comes to beating down your worthless opinion with mine and proving that, compared to me, you’re the biggest idiot to ever spring forth from the recessive genes of inbred parents.
Which, appropriately enough, leads me to my next point: me and assertiveness? Not so much.
I am, however, pretty intimately acquainted with aggressiveness.
Throughout the years, however, I have endeavored to work on being more assertive.
To say I’ve had mixed results would be an outright lie. There have been no results.
On one occasion I attempted to work on “not holding back,” and freely asserting my feelings and opinions.
The end result of that was that no one wanted to be anywhere near me and I had made one person (a grown man) cry.
As another example, my friend Gretchen often (fondly) makes reference to the time that I cleared out a room full of guys (many of them much bigger than I am) with the sheer power of my hostility (though beer and a lack of sleep also helped).
On neither occasion did I intend to be aggressive or hostile. I was simply attempting to assert myself.
Over the years, what I’ve learned from my various attempts at doing so is that I just can’t be assertive. My personal transmission just seems to be lacking that gear, going straight from neutral to aggressive.
So, because I’d really rather not spend all of my time making people cry or possibly fear for their lives, or both, my only real option is to avoid conflict.
I am at least intellectually aware of what is and is not socially acceptable, but I don’t seem to be able to always effectively incorporate that awareness into my own behavior, so it’s easier to be quiet and non-confrontational.
That’s not to say that I always avoid conflict, as it’s impossible to get through life that way, but I try, and when it’s impossible to avoid I tend to be as restrained and accommodating as I possibly can.
Often I will try to appeal to the other party’s desire to avoid conflict as well (the survey we took showed that something like 90% of people fall into the “avoidance” category), and try to push for resolution to the conflict by relying on the fact that they don’t want to waste time arguing any more than I do.
I’m sure my laziness figures in there somewhere as well, or maybe it’s even symptomatic of the issue.
But whatever the case, maybe this class will help cure me of my lack of assertiveness, though I doubt that a two-day course is too likely to help me unlearn a lifelong behavioral pattern.
In any case, on to the more significant aspect of today’s class: the chicks.
Last night all of us enrolled in the class got an e-mail informing us of a location change. I noted that the list of names the mail was distributed to included a lot of female names, so I was hoping that this would bode well for the odds of there being some good-looking women in the class.
For once I was not disappointed. Overall, this is the best-looking group I’ve seen in my recent training experiences, with three women in particular who stood out.
A quick ring-check revealed that only one of the three is married/engaged, but in a group exercise I was actually teamed with the remaining (ringless) two.
Of course, as is the nature of such things, I actually found the unavailable one to be the most attractive (and yes, that was before I saw the ring).
However, the other two are still very attractive, and one of them began to grow on me more throughout the course of the day.
When I first spotted her I thought that she looked attractive but bitchy.
In the exercise, which involved two of us trying to negotiate a fictional business deal with two other people, she and I were partnered as the “sellers,” and I learned that she was much friendlier than she initially appeared.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll pick up some “negotiation”skills that I can put to good use…
During today’s class I noted that one of the semi-attractive women was being very friendly with Kathleen. Not unusually so, but still, it kind of stood out for me, particularly when we took our break and she and the attractive woman with the ring came and sat with us and she was very friendly with Kathleen as well.
It turns out that Kathleen and the semi-attractive woman had known each other back in Tucson, so that explained that.
Still, this sort of thing isn’t unusual, even with total strangers.
Nor is it especially surprising, I suppose, given that Kathleen is considerably more friendly and gregarious than I am, and, as a woman, is not considered a “threat” (or, as the case may be, a creep).
In any case, my point is that I think that, if she were of a mind to, and I’m in no way suggesting that she is, Kathleen could easily pick up more chicks than I could ever hope to.
Honestly, this sort of thing happens everywhere we go. Kathleen starts talking and women start hanging on her every word. Tuesday nights she practically holds court at our cooking class.
So yeah, Kathleen. Total stud.
Of course, in fairness, pretty much anyone can pick up more chicks than I can. In fact, anyone who has done so at all in recent memory has me beat.
Hell, serial killers who were convicted of making women into smoking jackets managed to pick up more chicks than I’m able to (after all, when they were loose they had to get their smoking jacket material from somewhere), and still manage to get women throwing themselves at them while they’re behind bars.
*Sigh*
On the topic of lonely, anti-social losers who aren’t me, today after class I threw American Splendor in to watch while I was cooking.
If you look in my profile you’ll see it listed as one of my favorite movies.
I highly recommend checking it out.
“Splendor” is based on the comics of the same name written by Harvey Pekar, a (now-retired) file clerk in Ohio, and stars Paul Giamatti, recently recognized for his performance in the critically acclaimed “Sideways.”
Watching Harvey’s life, in much the way that people feel after reading Threshold, makes me feel at least a little better about my own, so that alone is worth something.
Beyond the fact that the subject matter is interesting and entertaining, though, I really admire the way it was brought to film, making skillful use of panels from the comics and original art, and also cameos that are much more than cameos (actually bordering on being documentary footage) of the real Harvey and his friends and family.
The style of the movie is difficult to explain, and is much better when actually experienced first-hand anyway.
So yeah, check it out if you get a chance.
In a way, though I’ve never actually read any of the “Splendor” comics (though I’ve been aware of them for a very long time), I feel a sort of connection to Harvey.
Not just because I’m a lonely curmudgeon (or a “gloomy guy,” as he describes himself), but because I engage in an activity very similar to his documenting his life and life's experience in the form of this blog.
Threshold is, in a lot of ways, my own personal American Splendor.
Of course, unlike Harvey I don’t actually get paid for this, but hey, I’ve got a much better job than he had, so it sort of evens out.
Kind of.
After all, Harvey, too, has better luck (since “any” is better) at picking up chicks.
And I’ve never been on Letterman even once, let alone multiple times.
And no one’s ever made a movie about me.
And now he’s probably got way more money than I do.
*Sigh*
And here I was actually feeling better about my life.
Thanks a lot, Harvey.
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