"Wonderfalls" is Wonderful, At Least Sean Hayes Isn't a Puppet of The Crustaceans, and In The Kitchen With Hellboy

If you blinked last year you would probably missed the half-assed attempt that Fox made at providing some quality scripted programming to try to mask the stench of those huge, steaming piles of reality crap that account for most of its programming.
I say “half-assed” not because the quality of the program itself was lacking (far from it), but because their commitment to airing a quality scripted program lasted for all of three episodes, with the fourth scheduled episode being preempted by a rerun of “The Swan.”
Still, I can’t place all of the blame on Fox. After all, the network that brought us “When Animals Attack” and “Who’s Your Daddy?” can’t exactly be held to a terribly high standard.
No, I pin most of the blame squarely on you.
Yes, you, you slavering reality show junkies who can’t stop stuffing your bloated snackholes long enough to realize that Simon Cowell isn’t funny, he’s just a bitch.
…
Okay, maybe that was a little harsh (though I still say he’s a bitch).
The point is, the show I’m talking about, “Wonderfalls,” was a fantastic show that didn’t get the chance it deserved.
What makes it more galling is the fact that 13 episodes were actually completed, but because it wasn’t a reality show, nobody watched the first three, and so Fox pulled the plug, unwilling to even air the remaining episodes.
Still, there was a somewhat happy ending, in that all 13 episodes were released on DVD yesterday.
So, as I had planned to do as soon as I discovered that it would be released on DVD, I bought it.
I would also recommend that everyone everywhere do the same, assuming you can handle watching a show that doesn’t feature some bitchy British guy taking potshots at masochistic dumbasses who ought to know better than to get up and sing in front of him in the first place. Honestly, don’t any of these people have friends who can take them aside and say, “Look, you weigh 350 pounds, you’re buck-toothed, you have this Afro-looking head full of thinning, bright red hair, and your voice is roughly equivalent to the sound of fifteen cats being tortured with an acetylene torch. There’s no way in hell you’re going to be the next Kelly Clarkson, and you really don’t want to get in front of that smarmy, limey bitch, okay? Sure William Hung made some money, but do you really want to make that much of an ass of yourself just to be famous?”
Hmm…never mind, this is America, after all, so that argument would never fly…
In any case, if the 10 remaining episodes of “Wonderfalls” are even half as good as the first 3, it’ll be a very good collection of episodes indeed.
While I am confident in their quailty, I’m not entirely certain just how good the remaining episodes are as of yet, as I actually ordered the DVD rather than going out to a store and buying it.
So I probably won’t actually get it until next week.
Whether or not I’ll venture out into the world to purchase something or will instead order it online depends on how much of a need for immediacy I have. Yes, I would like to watch the DVD as soon as possible, but the odds are that the price I paid at Amazon was much less than I would have paid at, say, Best Buy, so I decided that I was willing to wait out the extended period of time that the free “Super Saver” shipping would entail in order to save some money (and save myself the bother of venturing out).
Besides, watching the DVD will be a bittersweet experience anyway, as when it’s over, it will well and truly be over.
What makes the whole thing especially sad is that “Wonderfalls” was created by the same person who gave an unappreciative world the gift of “Dead Like Me.”
I didn’t do much today.
I spent most of the day reading stories by people who had managed to break free from cults (not sure how I ended up doing that), and then eventually I made dinner.
It turned out okay, though the flavor of the Fennel seeds was a bit much. I don’t think I’d be too likely to make it again.
The other day on the Web I found out that the fucktard who started the whole Spongebob flap (By the way, I called it; Spongebob is asexual) is claiming that the real issue that he was trying to address was missed because the liberal, reactionary media distorted his message.
Essentially he feels that the issue is not whether or not Spongebob is gay, but rather that Spongebob, in some fashion, helps to promote the “Gay Agenda.”
I’ve never really been sure what the “Gay Agenda” is, exactly.
Apparently they’re looking to recruit from the general population or something. I suppose that it’s not without precedent. After all, Bausch & Lamb, flying in the face of genetics, has managed to recruit blue-eyed people from the ranks of the non-blue-eyed, and those evil bastards at Clairol have been pushing their “Dye Agenda” with impunity for decades.
So I guess it’s possible that they could be recruiting, though I can’t honestly recall the last time I saw any gay recruiting posters.
I do seem to recall that in my senior year in high school, in between calls from the recruiters for the Army and the Marines I got frequent calls from the Village People and…oh, wait, that was just a song.
And it sucked. If gays want to recruit me they're going to need a better soundtrack...
Honestly, pretty much all of the gay people I’ve known have had more or less then same “agenda” that everyone else has. They want to live their lives, be who they are, and be happy.
I don’t think there’s anything especially insidious about that.
In terms of the actual gay activism in the world (as opposed to the kind being imagined by paranoid, closeted old white guys afraid of their own latent, and not-so latent homosexuality), all that gays are looking for is legal recognition of their right to pursue said happiness.
What I find really ironic is that Conservatives, who make no bones of the fact that they have an agenda, are always complaining about homosexuals having one. I guess gays aren’t allowed to have any of the privileges enjoyed by God-fearing Americans…
Such foolishness.
I still don’t understand why Right-Wingers aren’t protesting Red Lobster or Joe’s Crab Shack restaurants, since they’re pushing the “Shellfish Agenda” more blatantly than Spongebob pushes its gay (well, gay in an asexual sort of way) agenda.
Hell, even “Will & Grace” don’t push the Gay Agenda nearly as hard as Joe and his crab-loving Mama push the Shellfish Agenda.
(And if you don’t understand just how truly insidious and dangerous the Shellfish Agenda is, I’d advise that you read up on it. We must remain ever vigilant. That Callypso-singing lobster in “The Little Mermaid” was much more devious than Spongebob could ever be.)
Last week I realized that with my current set up with my old computer I can now watch DVDs while I’m in the kitchen.
I started watching “Hellboy” while I was cooking last week, and today I finished it and moved on to “Spider-Man 2.”
Anyway, I guess that’s enough random sarcasm and babbling for today.