So today I seem to be in a better mood. At the very least I’m not finding myself hoping for Extinction Level Events.
This may be because I managed to sleep in for a change. I woke up at around 8, but decided that, dammit, I was going to sleep later than that.
Eventually, at around quarter to eleven, I opted to get up, feeling, oddly enough, a sense of accomplishment for having managed to sleep in so late.
Of course, considering that I didn’t go to bed until after 3 am, it really wasn’t all that much sleep, but it was better than five hours would have been.
Sometime yesterday I decided that today I would try making Minestrone soup.
In my search for a recipe that looked appealing, I found myself more than a little baffled by the fact that most of the recipes I found for Minestrone soup actually called for, as an ingredient, Minestrone soup. Umm…? If I already have Minestrone soup, why would I need to make use of it as an ingredient in Minestrone soup?
Initially I assumed that they meant some sort of Minestrone soup stock, but that couldn’t have been the case for all of them, since several of them called for a specific brand of canned Minestrone soup.
In any case, the decision to make the soup and the discovery of a non-recursive recipe for it necessitated making a trip out into the world again.
It was only a very short trip, which probably helped to keep my mood from venturing back into the black.
After I got home I decided to walk over to the rental office to, once again, inquire about renewing my lease.
I need to pause here and embark on something of a “background tangent” which is required for the next part of the “trip to the rental office” anecdote.
I’m sure that most of you, at some time or other, have seen ads for “Axe” deodorant body spray. The initial ads used to warn of the dangers of the “Axe Effect,” which, as demonstrated by the commercials, showed that women, upon catching the scent of a man wearing Axe, suddenly lose all self-control and are powerless to resist their desire to ravish the man.
In the commercials, the “Axe Effect” was demonstrated in several different settings, and, while the whole campaign was obviously utter nonsense, it was amusing, and so, upon noticing a display at a Wal-Mart one day, I decided to see what the stuff was like.
I clearly didn’t expect women to suddenly find me irresistibly attractive (I don’t think anything short of a sudden astronomical boost to my bank account could ever produce those kinds of results), but I did find the scent pleasant enough, and so I started wearing it.
I continued to wear it even though, as expected, there was no such thing as the “Axe Effect.” After I moved here from Tucson, I neglected to replenish my supply of Axe until a pregnant co-worker, finding her sense of smell boosted by said pregnancy, began complaining, quite vociferously, about the offensive odor of cigarette smoke about me.
To combat that, I once again took to wearing Axe (since that was easier than quitting smoking).
This decision received a grateful reception from her formerly offended olfactory senses. In fact, while not nearly so extreme as advertised (and, in this case, thankfully so, since she's a married woman), the “Axe Effect” began to make itself known in the form of comments and growls (which, for this particular woman, are an accepted form of communication) from her.
Heartened by this experience I made sure to liberally apply Axe prior to some encounters with a woman that I was pursuing at the time. It didn’t go unnoticed by the woman, and she commented on the scent on more than one occasion, stating that it smelled so good it “ought to be illegal,” as it could, as she put it, lead to cases of women sexually assaulting those men fortunate enough to be wearing it.
Sadly, in this instance, no such sexual assault occurred, and the “Axe Effect” wasn’t strong enough to sustain her interest (or to even cause her to return my phone calls) beyond two dates.
Still, I continue to wear Axe, and on occasion I will receive comments on it from members of the opposite sex, such as from the young woman who cuts my hair. It has inspired her to add “Smell good” to her English language repertoire, which normally consists only of “How you want?” and “Fourteen dollar.”
So in general, I never venture out into the world without first applying some Axe (other than when I go for a walk first thing in the morning, at least), and today was no exception.
Okay, now that you have the background, we'll get back to the anecdote.
I walked over to the rental office, and the semi-cute girl working there, with whom I’ve spoken pretty much every time I’ve gone over to deal with the lease issue, said that she was working on the lease renewals and that mine was third in line. She stated that she would get it all ready for me and call me after doing so.
I said okay, and thanks, and turned to head back home. She thanked me for stopping by, told me that she’d see me soon, and then, out of nowhere, added, “You smell REALLY good.”
Being a bit nonplussed, I could only laugh and say, “Uh, well, thank you.”
This probably serves only as an amusing anecdote, as that has, so far, been all that the “Axe Effect” has ever led to, but, as amusing anecdotes go, this is a good one.
In any case, I don’t foresee any future interaction I may have with her leading to her, overcome with passion, sexually assaulting me, which is, of course, a pity, as, while not exactly the ideal, she is kind of cute...
In any case, I’m sure I’ll be back later today, but for right now I need to get my Minestrone started.
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