Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Nothing Makes Sense

Present-Day Jon:  Hello, Jon.
Past Jon:   Who are you?
PDJ:  I’m you from the future.
PJ:  Huh.  I thought I’d be taller.
PDJ:  Yeah, I know.  What was your basis for thinking that?
PJ:  I don’t know.  I guess I just wanted to be taller.
PDJ:  Join the club.  Oh, wait.  You founded the club.
PJ:  So why are you here?  Trying to prevent me from making some huge mistake that results in my life not turning out the way it was supposed to?
PDJ:  Pfft, no.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that.  You pretty much get everything fractally wrong.
PJ:  What does fractally mean?
PDJ:  Never mind.  I just wanted to say that all the stuff you thought would happen?  It pretty much won’t.  But more to the point, one thing that you never thought would happen will actually happen.
PJ:  What?
PDJ:  One day you’ll draw a really good picture of The Creeper.
PJ:  …The Creeper?  The comic book character?
PDJ:  The very same.
PJ:  But…why?  Why would I even bother?  I mean, I’ve seriously never thought about doing that.
PDJ:  That’s my point.
PJ:  Not Batman, or Superman, or...or Nightwing?  Starfire, maybe.  Mmm, Starfire…
PDJ:  Nope.  The Creeper.  See?

(Plus I pretty much did the entire thing in Illustrator, which makes it that much more baffling.)


PJ:  Wow, that is really good.  I did that?
PDJ:  Yeah.
PJ:  That doesn’t make any sense.
PDJ:  Tell me about it.  I feel like nothing makes sense anymore.
PJ:  So I did that because I’m, like, a famous comic book artist or something?  I draw something with The Creeper in it?
PDJ:  …yeah, sure.  Just keep telling yourself that if you think it will help.
PJ:  What is that thing, anyway?  Some kind of pocket computer?
PDJ:  More or less.  It’s called a smartphone.
PJ:  So there are all kinds of cool science fiction gadgets in the future?
PDJ:  Ehh…yeeaaahhh, but nothing like warp drives or teleporters or whatever.  We don’t even have any off-world colonies.
PJ:  Oh.  But you have time travel, right?  I mean, that’s how you’re here.
PDJ:  No.  I’m not actually here.  This is just a blog post.
PJ:  What’s a blog?
PDJ:  It doesn’t matter.  I mean, seriously, in the case of my blog, it really doesn’t matter.
PJ:  So that’s it, then?
PDJ:  I suppose so.  Drawing that picture kind of shattered my worldview.  I mean, it just seems so pointless to have done such a good job drawing something I really don't care about all that much, given how the things I actually care about turn out, so I felt like I needed to retroactively spread the existential terror out across my entire life.
PJ:  Existential?
PDJ:  Oh, just look it up in…well, in whatever it was you used for that kind of thing before Google.  And don’t ask me what Google is.
PJ:  Okay.  But…it was just the thing about The Creeper?  There’s nothing else you can tell me?
PDJ:  Hm.  Well, okay.  (Clears throat.  Makes important-sounding pronouncement.)  "She will never feel the same way about you as you feel about her."
PJ:  Who won’t feel the same way about me?
PDJ:  Whoever.   Take your pick.
PJ:  That’s…that not exactly inspiring.
PDJ:  It wasn’t meant to be.  Welcome to the rest of your life.
PJ:  Gee, thanks.
PDJ:  Don’t mention it.  Anyway, remember:  “Beware…The Creeper!”
PJ:  Wow.
PDJ:  Yeah, sorry.  I couldn’t resist.

5 comments:

Merlin T Wizard said...

Who's next? Nighthawk?

Jon-Paul Maki said...

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
...though I have thought about drawing Valkyrie or Hellcat.

Merlin T Wizard said...

Them are girls, at least.

You know what this world really needs? A really well-done portrait of Speedball!

Jon-Paul Maki said...

You sick, twisted bastard.

Merlin T Wizard said...

Draw it!