Scott: Your birthday is on a weekend this year?
Me: Yeah, a Saturday.
Scott: Want to do something?
Me: I don't know. Like what?
Scott: I don't know. It's your birthday.
Me: I was planning on just doing the usual: crying and masturbating.
Scott: Well...maybe in between your bouts of that we could do something.
Scott: ...unless you're planning it as an all-day event?
Me: I just might be.