Saturday, November 06, 2010

The Latest

So I've been in Michigan since Thursday afternoon.
I'm staying in a hospitality room in the hospital. It's not exactly a luxury suite - the room I'm in doesn't even have a bathroom - but for $15 a day, I can't complain, especially since I'm not spending a lot of time in it anyway. And at least I've got free WiFi, which is more than I can say for the Marriott where I stayed for the Baltimore Comic-Con...
Thursday night, pretty much right after my sister Kim left, which was annoying, as she wanted to be here for it, they took my mom off the ventilator and eased up on the sedation. She didn't fully come to, and she had a hard time talking because her throat was still raw from having the breathing and feeding tubes down it, but she was responsive, and considerably less agitated than she had been when she was on the ventilator.
Friday morning she was talking a little more, but didn't really remember anything that had happened in the past week. She was also pretty cranky. They had to put a mask on her to help with her breathing, and she hated it. She wanted me to take it off, and when I wouldn't, we had the following exchange:

Mom: I hate you.
Me; You hate me?
Mom: (Nods)
Me: That's okay. I love you.
(Five minutes later)
Mom: I don't hate you.
Me: I know. I never believed that you did.

There were a lot of times when she was trying to tell me things and I couldn't understand her and she got frustrated. "Oh, Jon," she would say with a sigh. Or, "For crying out loud, Jon!"
She also ran me pretty ragged, and at times it seemed that she just didn't like the idea of me sitting down, as she would alternate between being hot and being cold. As soon as I'd put the blanked on her and sit back down she'd say she was hot. Lather, rinse, repeat.
By a little after 10 PM I'd been sitting - or attempting to sit, at any rate - with her for most of the day, by myself, as Kim and Kristy both had to work, so I was pretty tired.
I went back to my room and crashed quickly, and ended up sleeping for over 10 hours.
Today she was much more like herself, and made more sense when she talked - both in terms of speaking and the content of her speech - and she apologized for being mean.
She also realized that she has a lot to live for.

Mom: I have a lot of friends.
Me: Yes. You've got a lot of people who love you.
Mom: I'm a good person.
Me: Yes, you are.

Then we both laughed.
Friday night, at one point, she asked me, "Why is dad here?" I said, "He's not." She responded, very seriously, "Yes he is." Rather than argue, I said, "He's probably here to tell you to get better and that it's not time to be with him yet."
Today she said that he told her, "You have to keep fighting, Mary."
My sister Kim came down in the afternoon, along with Jourdan and Jenni. The CCU (Coronary Care Unit) closes between 3 and 5 - though they're not strict about kicking people out - so we took that time to go out to get something to eat.
When we came back, the nurse didn't have any more details about when they think they'll be ready to operate on her, and that they're just taking it hour by hour.
She stayed in good spirits, and tonight she actually told me that I could go to get some sleep - whereas last night she made me feel guilty about leaving her (though I was far too tired to feel guilty).
She was still a little confused about some things, thinking that stuff she dreamed about actually happened, but at least she wasn't actually seeing and hearing things that weren't there.
Hopefully she'll keep getting stronger and they'll be ready to operate soon.
As for me, I'm not quite so tired, as I didn't have as long or lonely a day, but I suppose I should crash soon. I want to get up before 7 so that I can check on her before they close the CCU until 10 (during that period, they are strict about keeping people out).
And that's the latest.


Merlin T Wizard said...

That's a great exchange. It's good to hear that she's doing better. How are you holding up?

Heimdall said...

I'm doing okay. It's a little boring, but at least now she can talk. Still, sitting ther for upwards of 12 hours a day is surprisingly exhausting.