Long, Geeky Post Speculating About The Lovelives Of Fictional Charaters

I want to be clear that in my last post I wasn’t necessarily denigrating consumers or producers of Slash fiction. I mean, hey, it’s not my bag, but whatever.
Nor did I really intend to ridicule the person looking for some nerd on jock action – just thought the whole thing was kind of funny and deserved mentioning.
Again, if that’s your thing, who am I to judge?
Anyway, after posting, it occurred to me that earlier this morning Scott and I were engaging in a Slash-like activity.
No, not in an actual Jon/Scott way, because, first of all, serious eww, and second, we were communicating via IM, and I’ve never cybered with anyone, and if I were to start doing so it certainly wouldn’t be with Scott.
(Now Brian, on the other hand…but no, even if he is a big strapping firefighter)
No, the conversation was basically just a standard geeky one along the lines of the “who would win in a fight between x and y” conversation that is an old standby amongst comic geeks, though in this case it was about love, not war.
Specifically, we were trying to determine who would be a good romantic match for Power Girl.
It started out when Scott mentioned that Jamie had given him an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head to decorate his cubicle.
He made an offhand reference about what might happen between his new addition and Power Girl at night.
I suggested that if he got too grabby, PG would squeeze “Optimash” into vodka.
And that thought randomly made me start to wonder who would be a good match for PG, and we were off from there.
Among the suggestions were Guy Gardner – as a sort of “I want to degrade myself” fling – or some other Green Lantern, as having a ring that could protect you from harm would be a handy accessory when rolling in the hay with someone who can move mountains (and I’m not just talking about her “mountains”).
Kyle Rayner was dismissed immediately, because, as has been pointed out elsewhere, dating Kyle Rayner is 100% fatal, and we don’t want PG to die.
Hal Jordan’s misogyny – which is a little more subtle and paternalistic than Guy’s overt chauvinism – rules him out. PG wouldn’t put up with it for long.
Ultimately we decided that PG, while probably initially attracted to the macho (at least as macho as she is) types, but what she really needs is some sensitive soul to balance out her brash extroverted personality.
I thought Captain Marvel would be an interesting choice, and Scott pointed out that her reaction to seeing how young he is when not all Shazamed up would be priceless. I noted that he could use the “lightning attack” as foreplay. Sort of like hot candle wax for the invulnerable set.


( You can see the “lightning attack” in this video at about 2:42)



We could see her having a thing for older guys, but most of them aren’t available. Wildcat would make for a good fling, but not a relationship.
Hawkman would make for a good choice – and they apparently did have a fling recently – but his fate is too inextricably tied to that of Hawkgirl. No one can come between those two.
J’onn J’onnz is way too sensitive for her (or at least he was, pre-52), and as Scott suggested, their first major fight would send him off on an Oreo binge.
Nightwing was ruled out, as there’s too much bad blood between PG and Oracle already.
Besides, in previous versions of continuity, the adult Dick Grayson was hooked up with Huntress, who was PG’s best friend, and with the whole turning things backwards (but with a modern twist ™) approach DC is taking, that might once again be the status quo soon enough.
Running out of ideas, I suggested that if she wanted to play for the other team, Kendra Saunders, the current Hawkgirl, would be her ideal match. Their equally fiery personalities might clash, but when they make up…damn!
Of course, the problem there is, once again, the inextricable link between the Hawks.
Finally, I hit on what I think is the best choice: Cyborg.
Vic Stone is smart, macho, yet surprisingly sensitive, durable, and, if need be, repairable.
Plus, added bonus: special attachments.
Of course, the funniest moment came when the image of Lobo donkey punching PG popped unbidden into my head. That pretty much sums up how that pairing would go.
Anyway, that was the geeky way we spent a significant portion of our morning, and it’s been the way I’ve filed this long and geeky post.
(Oh, and here's a pic of PG and Optimash together, courtesy of Scott)