"People Were Talked To And Rules Were Bent"

So I went to the National Book Festival today with Scott and Stacy (as well as Vicki, Zoe, Scarlet, and the as yet unamed bun in the oven).
We went there pretty much just to see Neil Gaiman, and were largely uninterested in any of the other authors in attendance.
(Brad Meltzer, who has also done some work in comics, was there as well, but I didn't know that until today and didn't care after I found out - he's done some interesting stuff in comics, but he's done far more bone-headed stuff, so I'm not what you'd call a fan, and I don't think I could have held back from spewing some vitriol his way if I'd encountered him. Really, Brad? Terra was only bad because she was drugged? That's retarded. She was rotten to the core; that was the whole point. How could you miss a point that obvious and that sharp? Oh, you just didn't like the point? Too fucking bad.)
We took the Metro in to D.C. and got there in time for me to pick up two copies (one for me, and one for Scott) of Neil's latest, The Graveyard Book, which, in terms of high concept, can be best described as The Jungle Book set in a graveyard instead of a jungle.
The book isn't actually supposed to be released until Tuesday, but Neil pointed out that it would be silly to launch a book tour three days before the book comes out and not actually have copies of it available for purchase, so an exception was made for the Book Festival, the process of which is summed up in a quote from Neil that serves as the title of this post.
No one other than those of us who were at the Festival - or, as Neil put it, "you lot" - can get a copy before Tuesday. So we're special!
In any case, we had enough time after picking up the books to get a standing room only position where Neil was doing a reading and Q&A session, and then we joined up with Stacy who was holding our place in line for the signing.
(If it isn't already, a video of his reading should be up at the Festival's Web site.)
When we went in 2005, we ended up standing in the signing line for a couple of hours, and when we got up to the front, Neil noticed that Stacy was pregnant and was very annoyed with the event staff for making a pregnant woman stand in line.
As Stacy was pregnant again this time, we were hoping we'd be able to ride the pregnant lady wave up to the front of the line (Note: Pregnant Lady Wave isn't some sort of euphemism for her water breaking). However, we didn't need to worry, as Scott managed to stake out a good position for us in line while I was buying the books, so apart from the time spent waiting before the signing actually began, we didn't have to spend much time waiting in line at all.
When Scott went up to get his book signed, he mentioned the 2005 experience to Neil, who looked at Stacy and said, "She's still pregnant?"
To make things easier for the author, people waiting to get books signed are given Post-It notes on which to write what they want the authors to say with their signatures. I had written, "Look, I wrote what Jon told me to!"
However, in recent travels Neil fractured the middle finger on his right hand, so while he was nice enough to sign books today, he wasn't really up to the task of writing anything too complex. He apologized and said that normally he'd be happy to write what I told him to write, but that he just wasn't up to it. I told him that wasn't a problem at all and I understood perfectly. In addition to signing his name, though, he did draw a quick sketch of a headstone with my name on it, which was cool.
While Stacy had been holding our place in line, a lady behind her told her that she remembered Stacy from 2005, and, in fact, had taken a picture of her back then because of Stacy's (at the time) purple hair.
As Stacy didn't have anything of her own to be signed, she took some of the lady's books up to be signed to help her get around the limit. Once again, "people were talked to and rules were bent."
After the signing we went to the PBS tent for a little while so that the girls could engage in some of the kids activities going on there, then it was back to the Metro. We stopped for frozen custard on the way back to Scott and Stacy's house, and I hung out for a while so that Scott could show me the Lego Batman game.
Because it was supposed to be cool, overcast, and rainy today, I decided that, given that it's so seldom the case that I so these days, I should dress all in black, both as an acknowledgement of my nature and in honor of Neil, who still dresses all in black the way I used to.
However, it was pretty muggy out, and there were various points at which the sun came out and beat down on me mercilessly, proving that I'm clearly out of practice when it comes to the all-black lifestyle.
Ah well.
In any case, I'll post some pictures from today's events in my next entry.

Now That You Mention It...

Earlier tonight I was sitting on the couch watching one of the episodes of The Daily Show that had piled up on my DVR when suddenly the audio cut out and the TV went black.
As it's been raining off and on - sometimes heavily - since last night, I thought that maybe the power had gone out, but then I saw a big "DELL" come up on the TV, along with an indication in the upper right hand corner that the TV had switched from the HDMI 1 input to the PC input.
So I realized that my old computer, which is hooked up to the TV, had done something to steal the input focus.
This wouldn't have been especially noteworthy if it weren't for the fact that the computer has been turned off for weeks.
It also wouldn't have been spooky.
As I was contemplating how the computer had managed to turn itself on - with horrifying visions of poltergeists and/or machines spontaneously developing sentience dancing through my head - I noted that the computer turned itself off before getting any further in the boot-up process. Then it turned itself on again. Then it turned itself off again.
It repeated this pattern a couple of times until I went over and pulled the plug.
I plugged it back in and hit the power button. It turned on, then immediately turned off.
I tried this a couple of times with the same result.
Deciding that it probably wasn't going to boot itself up and attack me as a first strike in the inevitable war between man and machine, I nevertheless decided that I didn't want it to continue doing this, so I unplugged it and resolved to investigate it further during the day.
On Thursdays I have a regular call with my counterpart at one of our vendors, and she typically asks me if I have any plans for the weekend. For the first time in a while I was able to say that yes, I actually do, as tomorrow is the National Book Festival.
I'd thrown out the idea of joining Scott, Stacy, and I in attending the Festival to Eric and his wife, but it turns out they'll be too busy to make it.
Today Eric's wife e-mailed me to extend her apologies for them not being able to attend, which I thought was very nice of her, especially considering that I don't really know her very well, having only met her once 5 years ago.
She said that she didn't want me to think that they don't want to see me, as this isn't the first time they've had to pass on an invitation.
I'd thought about responding with "I never thought that...until now. Since you've brought it up, I can't help but wonder..."
But, as I said, I don't know her that well, so I don't know if she'd get the joke.
Instead I simply replied that it wasn't a problem, and that my only concern is that it's too bad that they won't get to see Neil Gaiman.
I'm still feeling rough from whatever beating I apparently received in my sleep last night, but not quite so bad as I felt this morning.
And that's pretty much been my day.

The Lamest Action Hero

I woke up this morning feeling like someone had beaten the crap out of me while I was sleeping.
Seriously, it felt like the aftermath of a torture scene in some action movie, as though I’d been bound to a chair and was being slowly and methodically beaten by some creepy old guy who’s referred to as being “an artist when it comes to inflicting pain,” who, upon hearing that, looks up from the table on which his implements of torture are laid out, smiles, and says, “What can I say? I love my work,” then returns to inflicting mind-numbing agony on me, while some really hot – but evil – chick dressed in skintight clothes, with whom I nearly had a romantic interlude earlier in the movie before I learned that she was evil, tells me that this will all stop if I just tell them where the girl* is, and while I initially respond with wisecracks like, “If she were up your ass you’d know,” as she keeps screaming “Where’s the girl?” while the torture artist rains down kidney punches on me, I eventually resort to simply saying “Fuck you!” but eventually can only manage to feebly spit out blood and weakly gasp “Fu…fu…fu…” and I can’t even hear the question anymore and probably couldn’t tell them where the girl is even if I wanted to, and then I’m set loose from the chair and my wrists are tied together and looped over a hook suspended from the ceiling of the dimly-lit basement in which this is all taking place, and as the torture artist’s assistants proceed to beat me about the ribs, legs, and feet with canes, the torture artist, laughing with sadistic glee, plugs in The Device…
Yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt this morning.
Of course, none of that was the actual cause of my soreness this morning; that all stems from having sat on the couch with my feet up on the coffee table for several hours while Scott and I watched the Riff Trax versions of Reefer Madness and Raiders of the Lost Ark, the dampness of the weather, and just generally not aging well.

*Or microfilm, or disc, or formula, or MacGuffin of your choice.

(In Worst Jerry Seinfeld Imitation Ever Heard) What's The Deal With Wednesdays?

I don’t get Wednesdays.
On Monday and Tuesday when I drive to work the amount of traffic is pretty much equal, but come Wednesday, bam! Twice as much traffic.
Then on Thursday traffic is typically back down to Monday and Tuesday levels.
On Fridays there’s usually less traffic than Monday or Tuesday.
So what’s with the Wednesday spike? Do people who slept in on Monday and Tuesday just wake up and suddenly think, “Oh shit; I have a job that I’m supposed to go to!” or something?
So yeah, Wednesdays. I don’t get them.
Beyond the typical increase in traffic, not much of anything happened on this particular Wednesday. I worked, stopped at the comic shop – it was a good week; Fables, Jack of Fables, and the latest issue of the Ambush Bug mini-series – and then came home. No Riff Trax night tonight as Scott had other plans, so we rescheduled for tomorrow night.
On Monday they were supposed to tear up my street in preparation for repaving it on Tuesday. Instead they didn’t do anything and tore it up on Tuesday. This morning as I was in my car getting ready to leave for work, some guy in a truck pulled up alongside me and rolled down his window. He said they’ll be paving tomorrow and they want to start at 7:30 instead of 8, and wanted me to “spread the word” as a supplement to the signs that will be put up.
What am I, an evangelist? If people can’t read the signs, that’s not my problem. I’m not going door-to-door to tell people.
I have a better idea; how about you do your work when you say you’re going to?
Okay, I’ll admit, I’m a little cranky today. More than usual, at least, though I’m not really sure why.
Guess I’m just tired.
Lately as I lie in bed drifting off to sleep I find myself inexplicably thinking about quantum computers. No idea what’s up with that.
Once I get to sleep I have weird dreams that I can’t remember anything about beyond the fact that they’re weird and that science is somehow involved, and when I wake from them I feel edgy and anxious.
So that’s what’s been going on with me.
I don’t really have much else that I feel like writing about, so I’ll leave you with a link to a video of a cat protecting boobs.
(I’m sure there’s some kind of joke to be made about using your pussy to protect your boobs, but I don’t feel up to the task of constructing it.)

My Brain: A Total Dick

Conversation with my brain this morning as my alarm went off:

Me: Really? Already?
My Brain: Yeah, I'm afraid so. And you know what else?
Me: What?
My Brain: It's only Tuesday! Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!
Me: Noooooooooo!

The Jon Effect

A conversation at work:

"So Jon, you've been here for what, a year?"
"No, just since January."
"Really? It seems like it's been longer than that."
"I have that effect on people."

Exciting! New! Changes!

Apart from the laundry I didn’t do much yesterday.
I’d stayed up late on Saturday night watching the Riff Trax version of Star Wars Episode 1, so I devoted a good portion of yesterday afternoon to watching Episodes 2 and 3.
My street is being re-paved tomorrow, and they were supposed to be doing some preparatory work today, stating that there was no parking on the street between 8 AM and 5 PM, so I was trying to make sure to not get home until after 5.
I’d thought about stopping somewhere to eat, but wasn’t especially hungry, so I figured I’d just drive home at a relaxed rate and let the stoplights and traffic do most of the work in delaying me.
Naturally traffic was light, I never hit a red light, and ended up making what would have been record time. I stopped at a grocery store along the way as a delaying tactic, but still managed to get home at about 4:50. Luckily they’d completed whatever work they were going to do, though the only evidence of work were the signs that were put up saying that there’s no parking between 8 and 5 tomorrow.
So tomorrow I’ll eat a light lunch to ensure that I’ll be hungry on the way home and this time I will stop somewhere to eat.
Other than that the only excitement waiting for me when I got home was a message on my TV telling me that, as they’ve been warning me they were going to, Verizon had changed the channel line-up.
I usually navigate the channels via the “Favorites” feature anyway, and for the most part my list of Favorites had updated to the new numbering, so it didn’t really matter. The only changes I had to make were to re-add HDNet Movies to my Favorites, as it had been deleted in the updating process apparently, and to delete and re-add TLC and Sci Fi, as they’ve finally added the HD versions to the channel line-up, so I had to put the HD versions in.
Of the channels I actually watch, only Comedy Central and Cartoon Network are still in standard definition.
Tonight will find me watching the season premiere of Heroes and hoping that it proves more interesting and exciting than last year’s strike-abbreviated season.
And that’s pretty much it.

And The Winner Is...

Not me.
Still, I happily acknowledge defeat, as the other readers of the Invincible Super Blog all put in solid entries, and I can't fault Chris Sims's reasoning in selecting a winner.
Nice work everyone, and congrats to CornFedCannibal!