The Universe: Hey, Jon, wanna play a game?
Me: No. Especially not with you.
The Universe: You're no fun. No wonder no one likes you.
Me: That's not - you know what? I don't care.
Me: Besides, you have plenty of fun with me. Or more accurately, at my expense.
The Universe: C'maaaannnn! I'll let you win.
Me: No. Even when I win, I lose.
The Universe: But you're so good at this one! You're like a grandmaster or something.
Me: ...what game is it?
The Universe: "Will Jon Do The Exact Thing He Was Trying Not To Do?"
Me: I hate that game.
The Universe: Well, you're already playing it. And guess what? You won!
The Universe: And lost!