Me: Wanna break in the new Five Guys tonight?
Me: …by which I mean that I have five guys imprisoned in my house and I’m suggesting that we sodomize them.
Me: Not that.
Me: The other thing.
Yes, they’ve opened a Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Leesburg, which is something that I’ve simultaneously hoped for and feared.
Hoped for because the burgers and fries are so good, feared because the burgers and fries are so good.
All I can say is that it’s a damn good thing they don’t deliver, because otherwise I would rapidly turn into something like Jabba the Hut.
And instead of having Princess Leia in a leather and metal bikini I’d have severe neuropathy and renal failure.
In any case, with a name like “Five Guys,” talking about getting food from there makes conversations like the one nearly impossible to avoid.