Wednesday, March 14, 2012

It’s Not As Uncertain As Investing In The Stock Market

Me:  So I’ve started using “hair tonic,” and I’m noticing the development of my incipient “Reagan Neck” more and more every day.  I should find out if they still make Geritol.  Or at least start taking Centrum Silver.
Dan:  Do you really worry about it?
Me:  My Reagan Neck?  Well, I don’t worry about it, but I do find it distressing.
Dan:  Not your neck vagina, just getting older in general and planning for retirement.
Me:  I have a retirement plan:  I’ll have a heart attack and die alone.  More specifically, I’ll have a heart attack at the top of the stairs at home, fall down the stairs and break my neck, and lie in a crumpled heap at the bottom of them, paralyzed and slowly dying over the course of days, and it will take a week before anyone notices.
Dan:  At least you have a plan.
Me:   Oh, you have to these days.

3 comments:

Merlin T Wizard said...

Well, as long as you time it before Thursday, it should be less than a week before you're missed. Of course, that's not entirely true, every day you're not online, I'll be thinking of that meme, JON, Y U NO ONLINE? So you've got that going for you.

lbugsh2 said...

Hair tonic? You know we can dye the grey out of it if you like. Scott's really good at it.

Jon-Paul Maki said...

The gray doesn't bother me. In fact, I think I'd prefer to lose what little color remains entirely at this point.
I use the hair tonic for keeping it place without having to use the hair care equivalent of shellac. The Axe putty stuff works reasonably well without making it too crunchy, but the hair tonic keeps it in place without any crunchiness at all.
At least it does when I use enough of it, unlike today...