I’m not a child, nor am I an adult who’s prone to things like “whimsy” or “a sense of childlike wonder” or anything like that*
There isn’t a religious component to my personality
While I have family – most of which is located more than a thousand miles away – and friends whom I care about, I don’t have a family of my own, or any sort of significant other with whom to share my life or special occasions
I hate crowds and am not a fan of humanity in general, mostly because humanity tends to form crowds and get in my way
…I don’t think it’s especially surprising that I’m not exactly the holly jolliest person in the world when it comes to Christmas, nor is this bit of understatement likely to be news to anyone who knows me.
Still, I’ve never been especially Scrooge or Grinch-like - though I’ve been called both – and while I don’t get any particular enjoyment out of Christmas, I normally don’t begrudge other people their happiness or holiday spirit – as long as it doesn’t get too obnoxious or intrude on my own life too much. Granted, invariably it does, if only in the obstacle course created by the hordes of consumers who are rushrushrushing – while paradoxically not seeming to move at all – to get in all of their holiday shopping as I’m trying to just get on with my normal life, but, in theory at least, I have no problem with people having Merry Christmases and Happy Chanukahs or Felicitous Festivuses or whatever they’re celebrating.
And I’m normally perfectly happy to dole out gifts to the aforementioned loved ones, because, hey, it’s Christmas and that’s what you do regardless, and beyond that, well, they’re my loved ones.
But this year…
I don’t know; somehow the massive crowds, the sappy, cloying music that’s suffocating in its ubiquity, the standard flare-ups from the noise machine about the “War on Christmas,” and just a vague, yet persistent, existential malaise have all added up to a sentiment that can best be summed up as “Fuck Christmas.”
Seriously, I don’t even feel inclined to give anyone anything. I mean, I will, but I don’t feel especially good about it. And that’s not me being miserly or lacking generosity, it’s just me not feeling it.
And it’s supposed to be better to give than to receive, and sure, normally I find that to be true – in some sense, at least – but receiving still ought to be good, right?
But while I don’t really want to give anything, I kind of don’t want to receive anything, either. I mean, what for? Most of the stuff I want I just get for myself (see the bit about not having a family/significant other), and if I want something that I can’t buy for myself...well, I can guarantee you that no one is going to buy it for me (nor would I expect anyone to do so).
So where does that leave me?
I told my mom – who is home now and recovering nicely, by the way – about my humbuggishness and she said that I should be happier than usual this year, given the fact that I didn’t lose my mom. That thought had already occurred to me, of course, and yes, my mom making it through all of that she went through does rank up in at least the top five best Christmas presents, but even so…
So what’s the point of all of this? I don’t know. I’m still going to give out presents, and I’ll still appreciate whatever presents I get.
It’s unlikely that I’ll be rushing down to Whoville to steal Christmas away from them – but if I did, I’d probably be small-hearted enough to say, “Screw you, little Cindy Lou Who, who’s no more than two” –and I probably won’t receive any ghostly visitors on December 24th.
So…well, so nothing, I suppose.
Amusingly, and perhaps appropriately enough in a pervese sort of way, the original point of the above was meant to be the introduction to a post that was going to serve as a semi-joking list of things I would like to get for Christmas this year.
Still, I’ve come this far, so I might as well go ahead with it, though it seems kind of counter-productive now. Of course, it wasn’t going to be terribly productive anyway, since ultimately it would have been directed towards some specific people who are the only ones I know who are likely to actually get me any of these things, especially since these are all things that I would like to add to my collection of comic book statues and figures, and they’re the ones who, in giving me my first statue, got my collection started…
In any case, here are some helpful links to statues I would like to add to my collection:
Dove (Dawn Granger)
Wonder Girl (Donna Troy)
The statues below are larger and more expensive, and seem less likely – understandably so – to be presented to me as gifts. Still, they’re worth mentioning:
Another Wonder Woman
And from the Marvel – and even more expensive and unlikely – side of things, there’s this:
For anyone who’s going to give me anything that isn’t a statue, I’d say that your best bet is some sort of store-specific gift card that will give me an excuse to buy one of those inexpensive things that I keep thinking about buying but can’t seem to bring myself to drop the twenty bucks or whatever to actually get.
Or, you know, just save your money and know that I won’t mind, because Bah Humbug and whatnot…
*I acknowledge that I have a certain level of arrested development.