Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Got Yer "Merry Christmas" Right Here

If I recall correctly, today is Beethoven’s birthday.
That’s it; I don’t have anything more to say on the subject, just randomly remembering (or mis-remembering) some bit of trivia that I picked up from reading a Peanuts comic strip who knows how long ago.
On my way home from work today I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things. Naturally Christmas music was playing.
It comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me when I say that I don’t exactly have an excess of Christmas spirit.
Still, I’m not exactly the Grinch; I don’t begrudge all the holly jolly people their holly jolliness, and I’m no heartless miser in need of a visitation from spirits to show me the true meaning of whatsit.
Eat your Who Hash and your roast beast, and you Cratchits of the world can take off Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and, for all I care, Boxing Day.
Have it. Go (chest)nuts.
Just don’t expect me to join in your reindeer games.
In any case, as I was walking the aisles in search of green tea, I heard Frank Sinatra singing, “Oh, by gosh, by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly!”
My response to this, muttered under my breath, was, “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”
So, yeah. Not much in the way of Christmas spirit.
But speaking of Christmas, did you know there’s a war against it? It’s true; I heard it on Fox News.
Lots of salvos have been fired this time around, what with atheists putting up a sign in response to a Nativity scene set up in a courthouse, and Christians responding by stealing said sign (Thou shalt not what?), and blah blah blah fucking de blah.
Here’s what I have to say about the war on Christmas: fuck you.
Seriously, the bitching and whining just has to stop. It’s been a long-ass time since Christians were last persecuted, so quit trying to cast yourselves in the role of persecuted minority (while simultaneously boasting about being in the majority) and just suck it the hell up. Nobody is persecuting you. Nobody.
Having someone at Wal-Mart say “Happy Holidays!” is not equivalent to being fed to lions.
And honestly, we get it: you hate Jews and foreigners, what with their Jewish and foreign non-Christ-based holidays. Well, too fucking bad. Having to acknowledge diversity and plurality and not always being in the favored position is not the same as being oppressed.
No one is stopping you from saying “Merry Christmas.” No one is stopping you from making one of your twice-annual visits to church. No one is making you take down the flaming cross in your front yard.
So, I reiterate: fuck you.
As for the expression “Happy Holidays,” despite this reminding you of Jews and foreigners and how much you hate them and all that namby-pamby “tolerance” business, it should be pointed out that even within the boundaries of Christendom there is more than one holiday going on at this time of year.
I mean, what are you trying to say by limiting yourself to wishing people happiness on just one holiday?
“Hey, Merry Christmas!”
“And a Happy New Year?”
“No, just Christmas. Fuck your New Year.”
Okay, I suppose that’s more than enough ranting about that. I guess I just have kind of a short fuse today.
For one thing, my drive home was a thousand times more irritating than usual, as people sat at green lights with no apparent desire to go anywhere. It’s like, “Hey, the light turned green. Is that supposed to signify something? Oh well, let’s just hang out here! It’ll be fun! We’ll tell ghost stories and sing songs and make s’mores!”
Then when they did start moving they did so at a pace that would make Tim Conway’s slow-moving old man character yell, “Speed it the hell up!”
When I – finally – got home, I turned on the TV and after flipping through the channels and being pissed that there didn’t seem to be anything good on any of them, settled on The History Channel and started watching The Universe. This particular episode was about plans for a manned mission to Mars and all of the challenges associated with such a venture.
The upshot of it was the prediction that such a mission will finally come to fruition sometime around 2040.
Two-thousand fucking forty.
And that’s probably optimistic.
This revelation engendered feelings in me that can be summarized as “Fuck you, humanity. Fuck you for wasting time, money, and effort on killing each other because someone is the wrong color, or believes the wrong fairy tales, or says ‘Happy Holidays,’ instead of devoting those resources to doing something cool.”
So, yeah. Short fuse.
Apart from, apparently, being filled with impotent rage, I haven’t been up to much since I last posted. Work, sleep, etc. Nothing in particular of note.
So, even though I probably should have brought this entry to a close several paragraphs okay, I’ll stop with all the rantiness.

1 comment:

Merlin T Wizard said...

Such language!