Monday, August 04, 2008

The Universe Needs A Lovely Assistant

“Hey Jon, it’s me, The Universe.”
“*Sigh* Hello.”
“I could do without the sigh.”
“So could I.”
“Nothing. Did you need something?”
“Of course not; I’m The Universe. Did you forget?”
“How could I?”
“So, driving home, huh?”
“Observant as always.”
“Well, it’s easy to observe things when you encompass everything.”
“I suppose so.”
“Say, do you like magic?”
“Not especially.”
“No? You were never interested in magic tricks when you were a kid?”
“No. I knew I wouldn’t have a talent for it. My hands were too slight for sleight of hand.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Never mind.”
“Okay. Anyway, I like magic. I’m quite the amateur prestidigitator, actually.”
“Good for you. Everyone should have a hobby…and I appreciate anything that takes your focus off of me.”
“Nothing. You were saying?”
“Do you want to see a magic trick?”
“If it involves making a pencil disappear*, absolutely not. Even if it doesn’t, I’m still leaning towards no.”
“Oh come on, it’ll be fun!”
“I’m sure it will be for you. Anyway, I’m trying to drive here.”
“But that’s part of the trick! Look over to your right. See the good-looking guy driving the expensive convertible.”
“I’m not sure about the good—looking part, but yeah, I see him. Looks like the kind of guy who never has to struggle with anything in life. Probably has hot and cold running women, too.”
“Now Jon, it’s not really fair to judge people based on appearances. For all you know, his life could be a constant struggle to overcome adversity, and serve as a testament to the power of hard work and perseverance.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“That’s better. But seriously, yeah, the guy’s life is a cakewalk. Everything just falls into his lap. Never has to work at anything. And the women…phew!”
“Okay, enough already. What’s the trick?”
“Oh, right. Well, see that really slow-moving minivan in front of him?”
“Well, watch carefully…ala kazam, abra cadabra, hocus pocus! And voila; now it’s a slow-moving minivan in front of you!”
“Hey, watch it with the sudden braking!”
“I didn’t really have much choice in the matter.”
“Well, you missed the second part of the trick; I made the guy in the convertible vanish!”
“It was pretty easy for him to do once the minivan veered out of his way.”
“Oh come on; it was magic!”
“Hmm, well you did manage to make something magically disappear.”
“What’s that?”
“My patience.”

*See The Dark Knight. No, I mean it; go see it!

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