Thursday, July 31, 2008

Made Of Fail A/V Club: What The F***, Ladies?

The following clip from a recent episode of The Daily Show is funny, but that’s not why I’m posting it. The reason I’m posting it is that there is one element that annoys the hell out of me and leaves me utterly baffled. Watch for yourself and see if you can figure out what I’m talking about:

Did you see it? Do you understand?
Okay, I’ll explain it to you. In the “Blue State” segment, featuring a guy who lives – shirtless – in a hut and does his “grocery shopping” in a dumpster, there was one aspect that jumped out at me: he has a girlfriend.
Yes, a man who eats roadkill and uses sour cream recovered from a garbage dumpster – albeit a dumpster that “seldom” has maggots – has a girlfriend, or possibly even a wife.
There’s really only one thing I can say about that: seriously, ladies, what the fuck?
A guy who essentially lives like a seagull has a girlfriend, yet here I am, with access to indoor plumbing and personal hygiene products – which I actually use, and did not acquire from a dumpster – a total loveless loser.
Granted, I’m a geeky weirdo, I’m socially awkward, I’m probably needy and clingy, and, as will be examined in a future post, I’m not much fun at parties, and I probably have a host of other character defects that are not immediately apparent – either to myself or others – but, and I can’t stress this point enough, I don’t eat food that I found in a fucking dumpster.
Maybe it’s not fair of me to use the romantic choices of one woman as an indictment of your entire gender, but I think this case is extreme enough to warrant it.
So, I ask again: What. The. Fuck?
*Sigh* Okay, I’m coming off as bitter and hostile, but honestly, can you blame me? When you’re a gainfully-employed homeowner with prospects for the future, and being romantically involved with you would not, in any way, shape, or form, involve eating animals that have been scraped up off the highway, yet you have worse luck with women than a guy living in a hut in the woods and eating food from dumpsters, I think a little bitterness and hostility is appropriate.
And sure, bitterness and hostility aren’t especially attractive qualities, but seriously, he eats food out of a fucking dumpster. And more to the point, his girlfriend/wife has to do so as well.
Okay, rant over. I think I’ll go get a snack– something I bought at a store– and then maybe take a shower, or make some other liberal use of my indoor plumbing in one of my three (indoor) bathrooms.

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