Monday, October 02, 2006

Dressed For The Occasion

I realized a bit ago that, outside of work, I really don’t wear my clothes very much, or at least not for very long.
No, I’m not saying that I’m a nudist (an amusing anecdote about that is just ahead), but rather that I have my “around the house clothes” and my “outside clothes,” and that I tend to spend most of my time in the former.
That’s hardly surprising considering where I spend most of my time, but it was just one of those things that always there and then suddenly you notice it for the first time.
Anyway, take today as an example of the brevity with which I remain properly dressed.
After sitting around for a while and talking to my mother, I took a shower at around 11:30 or so, after which I got dressed in proper “outside clothes,” which is to say socks, jeans, and a T-shirt, and headed out the door. By this time it was about 11:50.
I went out into the world and did my thing (grocery shopping) and was home by around 12:30, at which point I put away my groceries and ate lunch.
I stayed dressed throughout this period because I was going to haul some garbage out after lunch, but after that was accomplished, off went the shoes and socks, the jeans were replaced with shorts, and I switched into a lighter, looser T-shirt.
At that point it was about 1:05.
So I wore my clothes for about an hour and fifteen minutes before switching to lounge wear, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was going to haul garbage outside it wouldn’t have even been an hour.
Given that I’m unlikely to go anywhere for the rest of the day, that’s all the wear my outside clothes are going to get.
What I wonder is that, considering that I wasn’t out exerting myself and getting sweaty, and, miraculously, I didn’t spill anything on myself in that hour and fifteen minutes, do my clothes really qualify as dirty?
Do I toss them in the hamper or just put them back in the drawer?
It seems kind of silly to add to the laundry pile unnecessarily, but on the other hand, I did wear them out and about.
Oh well.
As for the nudism thing, don’t worry; I’m not about to tell you anything that will cause you to have horrified imaginings.
The other day I was IMing with Kathleen and telling her about my new purchases, and, jokingly, citing them as evidence that I know how to party like a rock star.
She responded, “Not unless you vacuum naked or something.”
I said, “How do you know I don’t?”
She provide and extremely well-reasoned response, stating that, knowing me, if I were to vacuum naked I would undoubtedly, and inevitably, have some sort of comic mishap, which, despite the embarrassment, I would feel compelled to write about here, and, as she has not read any accounts of naked vacuuming-related misadventures, the logical conclusion is that I do not, in fact, vacuum naked.
You can’t fault her logic.
Also, imagining Jon in some sort of slapstick naked cleaning misadventure made for big laughs for both of us, and I’m sure it will do the same for the rest of you.
The fact of the matter is that such a scenario is just one of the many reasons why I spend as little time in the nude as possible, and I’m sure the universe appreciates it.

It Doesn’t Ad Up Department:
Every so often I see an ad on TV that’s actually pretty entertaining. It doesn’t make me any more inclined to buy the product/service advertised, but it at least amuses me.
The latest was some sort or insurance ad featuring a guy walking down a street on an extremely steep hill (apparently in San Francisco from the looks of it), then stumbling and falling, rolling downhill with an inexorable momentum, gathering debris and other people as he rolls in a snowball effect.
Here’s the actual commercial:

It’s pretty entertaining to watch, though it doesn’t make me want to buy insurance.
Of course, commercials that piss me off do tend to make me disinclined to purchase the products or services advertised.
In some cases, though, I wouldn’t be doing so anyway, such as with the godawful commercial for the NFL Network featuring football players singing and dancing about rebroadcasts of football games. Here’s a tip: if they could sing and dance, they probably wouldn’t be playing football. Jackasses.
I find it kind of interesting that Volkswagen has a new version of their “sudden impact” commercials which feature someone actually complaining about the commercials. Overall it gives off kind of a “screw you” vibe, as if to say “we will crash cars right in your fucking faces as much as we want and don’t care how much you bitch about it.”
Personally I don’t have much of an opinion about the ads either way. Sure, it was shocking the first time, but after that? Not so much.
The commercial that pisses me off the most, though, is one that, thankfully, I haven’t seen for a while.
Which commercial is it, you ask? The Special K commercial that features a bunch of women sitting at an outdoor café having breakfast and commenting on how good their friend, who’s approaching to join them, is looking. They all ask her what her secret is and she explains that she’s been eating breakfast and touting the benefits of Special K. Naturally they all jump on the Special K bandwagon because they want to be as thin as their friend.
The thing is, they already are as thin as their friend. Each and every one of them is exactly as tall and model-thin as the other, so there’s no earthly reason for them to go on a diet to try to look as good as their friend.
The other problem I have is that the women all have the kind of tall slender frames that can’t be obtained through diet and exercise. These women were born this way and are pretty much going to look this way no matter what they eat. Substituting two meals with Special K every day isn’t going to give you a body like these women have; you either have it or you don’t.
And why is it that none of these supposedly close friends has actually seen the chick at all in the time between when she was still a fat ass pig and now that she’s turned into a Molly Sims look-alike?

I’m actually nearly finished with that picture I started the other day and which has been pissing me off, so I suppose I should get back to work on it.

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