Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Advantage Jon? Not Bloody Likely

So I went to the little homeowners meeting.
I learned a few things that were a little distressing, such as the fact that while there are 318 units in the development only 55 have been sold.
Stupid real estate market slowdown.
The other problem is that we aren’t going to be able to have any real say, as owners, in how things are done around here until after the last unit is sold, which could be well into the future.
However, at that point we get to decide on an actual board of directors for the homeowners’ association and we can decide to go with a different management company, different landscaping company, and so forth.
We can also, presumably, 86 the shitty cable company and go with a real cable company.
On the non-distressing side of things I learned that most of the concerns I have, such as the shitty cable company, are also the same concerns, for the most part, that the other owners have.
Not all 55 showed up.  In fact, there were only about a dozen of us there.  The only real thing that was decided is that we’ll probably have a holiday party and that, strangely enough, having it during the week would be the most convenient time for everyone.
The other thing I learned is what the demographics of the community are like, if we assume that this was a representative sample.
It’s mostly people who are older than I am.
In fact, there were only like four of us under 40.
Of course, what you’re probably all wondering, assuming that you’re wondering anything, is whether or not, within the under 40 component, there were any cute chicks.
Yes, there actually were.
One of them, a music teacher named Jen, was extremely cute.  I suppose she’s what you would call voluptuous, by which I mean she had big boobs.  
She was also very outgoing, and seemed to be the one person, among the owners, really driving the meeting.
Also, her ring finger was unencumbered, and she did make an effort to look my way several times, but that’s mostly because I arrived late, and I’m Jon, so I was kind of sitting apart from the rest of the group, so when she was talking her teacher training kicked in and she made sure to make eye contact with everyone, even the creepy loner sitting off by himself.
In any case, her presence might make me a little more inclined to get involved with my community.
Of course, there was one monkey wrench in the works in the form of one of the other under 40 people being a tall, strapping, good-looking firefighter.
So even if we assume that the music teacher actually is entirely single, as opposed to simply unmarried, I already have potential competition.
And I have to believe that a woman – any woman – will pick a tall, good-looking firefighter over a not very tall, nerdy, not very good-looking NOC Analyst 100% of the time.
Actually, my belief is that a woman – any woman – will pick any guy who isn’t Jon 100% of the time, and that belief has yet to be proven wrong.
On a completely unrelated note, as I was sitting down watching Law & Order SVU, I heard sirens nearby.  Given that I live near a busy street I didn’t think much of it, until I noticed just how nearby the siren was and heard police officers yelling for someone to get down on the ground.
Turns out the cops were in my parking lot busting someone in front of the building across from me.
I’m not sure what he did – and based on his protestations, he apparently wasn’t either – as I wasn’t nosy enough to go out and gawk, but couldn’t hear very well even through my open window, but eventually he was hauled away in cuffs.
Oh, and FYI, the episode of SVU that was on had a very sad ending.  It actually made me say, “That’s so sad.”
What was not sad, however, was tonight’s episode of The Colbert Report, which featured a “Salute to the American Lady.”
In one segment Stephen was talking to Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem about their women’s interests radio venture.  As they sat down to talk he realized that they should be over at “the set,” and brought them over to a kitchen set where the three of them conducted the interview while working together to bake an apple pie.  Minus the discussion, it was exactly the sort of thing you would see in a cooking segment on some morning talk show, and it was, quite frankly, one of the funniest and most brilliantly satirical things I’ve ever seen.  As he led them to the kitchen I had to stop eating the bowl of cereal that I had as a snack for fear of shooting Peanut Butter Crunch out of my nose.  Stephen keeps proving his genius over and over again.
I can’t help but wonder, though, if there are any people out there watching the show who don’t get the joke, watching faithfully and buying into his act and seeing him as someone who speaks for their beliefs.
I’m sure that there must be.
Hmm…I was saying that the Report wasn’t sad, but now that I think about that, I’m not so sure.

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